This is Suze

Night of The Dark Lady

As promised, Halloween begins here.

October Patrons. I will send you an email with an image only available for you.

Thank you for joining me in November.

Are you ready for the Dark Lady?

Ten images to haunt your days...watch out!

New tier launching TOMORROW!

Hello beautiful patrons.

I wanted to create something special for you, so I have created a NEW TIER! As well as The Authenticity Challenge, you will also receive a DAILY UNCENSORED STILL.

A new professionally shot photo. Everyday.

Everyone on the Authenticity Challenge tier will have access.

DAILY UNCENSORED STILLS launches TOMORROW!

I've tried to make this NSFW content as SFW as possible, so if you're in the States you'll receive it first thing in the morning. U...

Beat Saber

An evening of Virtual Reality, competing on expert level-Beat Saber. The beat is taking me over!

Eating in the bath

Breathing out

I don't manage to do this every single day. The days that I do, are definitely ones that have me more calm. 

I've managed to spin my life to one that is one full of all the ingredients that I love; community, sunshine, sea, small town, where I can drive, full of conscious people, there is so much about Gozo that just makes me so grateful everyday.

But trauma is not something I have been able to escape from. I am working on it, I am releasing it. To be able to live without fea...

Bathtime in Gozo

Rediscovering the pleasure of baths. Winter is coming. In August everyone was complaining about the heat. Very soon, everyone will be praying for the heat! Love getting back in the bath for my Vlogs. Feel like this is the place I want to be!

Sunday

Wim Hof is my daily bread at the moment. Doing these breathing techniques really helps with the anxiety. I just love hearing his voice too, it's so energising and uplifting! I did this round on my own. Feels really good to be connecting with you now. See you tomorrow, when i am going to try out the bath in this house for the firs time! 

Squat time!

I decided to start getting fit again. This week I've done this squat workout a couple of times. I also did an acro yoga class. I don't often make time for exercise anymore these days, except walks to the bay and the occasional swim. I tend to put work first and maybe some self practises like wim hof or meditation and yes, dancing, but I know there will come a point in my life where i will wish I had enjoyed this body as much as I possibly could, while I was able. 

The day that I ha...

Dressing Up

Tomorrow I have the Innovation Summit in Malta and I'm definitely feeling like wearing red...can I get this dress to work?

Ready for bed

This was me after the live with my Patrons. I really enjoy this time tuning in with my followers in person. Often being a creator can be a one way street, so it's really fascinating for me to learn about the people that know so much about me.

After Vertigo

Now that the room has stopped spinning, I feel that I should address our relationship. Because there has been so much on my mind, so much so, I've felt almost tongue tied. And that is definitely more weird than vertigo!

Thanks everyone for joining!

Thanks for popping in on the live...great to have one Patron turning on his video and sharing his authenticity with me. Very much appreciated. Thank you for the experience.

So grateful to have you all as my patrons

Suze ;-)

Log In for tonight!

Who is joining tonight 11pm (GMT+2)

I've posted the international times in the last post....

Can't wait to see you!!!

Suze ;-)

WHO IS FEELING SPONTANEOUS?

I'm feeling spontaneous! Let's meet tonight online! I want to catch up with you, hear everything about YOU...and share with you what's alive in me right now! Let's talk about new content, a possible move of channel.....your votes on that.....???and anything and everything else we feel like talking about

See you in just under 10 (and a half) hours!

Suze ;-)

My turquoise paradise

Thanks for waiting for my next video. I wasn't able to get out of bed this week. One morning I woke up and the room was spinning and it has taken a while until I can spend any serious time at the screen, so this video got delayed.

Don't worry, I've consulted with a doctor and it shall pass. I am now doing exercises where I have to lie on my side, turn 3/4 degrees, then to my back, and then to the other side, staying a minute in each place. The other exercise is making myself dizzy in on...

Bedtime oil massage

Spending some time alone. Is it spending or investing? Sometimes I'm in such a habit of enjoying others company that to sit with myself can be difficult. I get the feeling it's time to re-connect with myself.

Laters

Problem with my video upload today....I'll try again later....I'm taking us way back to the beginning of how the authenticity Challenge got so much attention. Anyone remember the warm oil massage?

Suze ;-)

Making that call

My Bubble got burst on Monday! When it felt like the shit was hitting the fan! I had some scary news....and to resolve it, I had to make 'that' call...WOW! what a contrast from my week at Bubble Festival....but there's always something to learn from every situation...keep your fingers crossed and I'll let you know how it goes...

Camping with Suze

Awesome people! 

Here I am, getting sweaty from sleeping in a tent! It's the bubble festival here in Malta, it's all peace and love and sunshine! I'm working and playing, running workshops, and coaching and then taking other people's workshops and dancing and meeting people and generally having fun.

It's a real shift for me, because in the past I couldn't enjoy festivlas. I tried going to festivals in the UK, and I would find myself walking around feeling disconnected and suf...

Don't die with your song still in you

This morning I headed out of my tent and went to say goodbye to Karl. I'm at a festival here in Malta. it's called the Bubble and it's a festival of change, and I am here to give some workshops. it was quite an experience saying goodbye and also quite an experience being here at the festival. I've never really done a whole weeks festival where I just stay immersed in it, and it's beautifully wonderfully intense. 

I know pretty much all of the people here as my friends in the consci...

My Skillset!

i consider that I have successfully overcome my battle with Bipolar, but some days I have to question how I can go from last night's misery to this morning's comedy!

Last night was authentic, and this morning is authentic. 

It's just that sometimes the authentic me makes me absolutely cringe. How uncomfortable I can be with my mess.

On the floor

If I were to watch this video back I will not like what I see, I will not like what I hear.

Whenever I am angry, guilt often follows. Whenever I am in a negative state, fear often follows.

Bizarrely it was a good day.  It was only a thought that tore that all apart, and a thought that  got carried away into a feeling...until I felt like I was on the floor...

a note from Patreon

if you've had any problems with Patreon payments, read this:

A new EU law...

Vloggers block

Hello beautiful patrons

a friend of mine died last weekend and  I'm still in grief. Apologies for my absence these last few days. I know that part of the authenticity challenge is Vlogging through the highs and lows, Sometimes I get Vloggers block. I might record something and then delete it right away, because it's not good enough, or it's depressing, or dull. Sometimes I don't know what you want me to say, which has been part of my block lately. I'm worrying that you're judging m...

When death puts life into perspective

I had some shocking and sad news on Sunday which got me thinking about life, and how important it is to not leave this earth with our "song" still inside of us.

Last night Virtual Reality changed my life!

OH MY FUCKING GOD!

Last night I tried Virtual Reality for the first time! I think this could actually change my life!!!!

Here's a glimpse into my night, and i have got loads more to say on this one, which I will save for another Vlog ;-)

Change is coming

In all honesty, always and of course, with the authenticity challenge, there are times, understandably, where my content gets stuck. it has been feeling that way for some time, like a record that can no longer find its groove, and now i feel centred in where I'm going and it feels GOOOOOD!

It's September and I can feel a change coming on. Many Patrons have left this month and I don't know what that signifies? Permission to change course? Or does it make no difference? My content is desi...

Morning pages

Every morning after doing some kind of morning practise like dance or yoga, I take out my pen and write. Whatever wants to come out I just let it flow without censor. They call this MORNING PAGES. It was something started by Julia Cameron, in the nineties I think, but I mjght be wrong about that. Julia used to write in Hollywood and then she wrote this book called The Artists Way, which became a massive hit, helping creatives out of their artistic blocks.

To say I've been blocked has be...

Naked Yoga

I couldn't sleep last night. My lower back and hips are hurting and I can feel the nerve all the way down to my knee. I got up to do some yoga, and i could barely hang forward, something I normally find easy. Makes me think I should head off to India and do a couple of months of yoga!

This week I've been getting up with the sunrise around 6.30am and it feels so good. I've been having some breakthroughs about why I got icky about making "nsfw" content. Partly because even the label of ns...

Rough at sea

It has been a weird few months. I think I'm finding my way out of the fog, but I have been blocked in all kinds of way. It's definitely time to get back to some fun!