This is Suze

January

It’s January 2022. I can feel some excitement because this year can be anything we want it to be. I feel a desire to conquer some dreams this year. One of them is transforming my finances because I started this year so broke I am honestly scared to look at my bank account and I am having to be creative and take whatever jobs I can get until things pick up. On the positive side I can feel hope and possibility. One of the first things I am creating is a course teaching people who want to know...

Update to my patrons

Just a reminder.....each week I will be posting one piece of content for each tier...so be sure to put in your requests!!!!!!.....next week on the $50 tier I had an idea from one of my most loyal patrons to do a fashion show from my new dressing up room!!!!!!....

Big shout out to Patron @Ramon for informing all my patrons that I was in hospital, I had time with no access to my phone, but I made sure to email him the moment I had it, trying to work out how to contact you....I know, I sho...

Topless Tarot 2

As promised here is Topless Tarot with some different angles!!!!....it was a long video so I will upload the last part separately....

Something happened to my tarot cards which I will explain in my weekly blog...

Just a reminder.....each week I will be posting one piece of content for each tier...so be sure to put in your requests!!!!!!.....next week on the $50 tier I had an idea from one of my most loyal patrons to do a fashion show from my new dressing up room!!!!!!....

Bi...

I AM BACK!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Thank you so much for your patience. I was in hospital for 11 days. I had a breakdown.  I guess I wasn't eating or sleeping much at all, stress about performing, the usual money worries.

I came out determined to perform at the gig I was due to sing at. I did it.

And then I got Covid for Christmas, so I was really sick for a week.

I met a band at the gig. I won't say who, but it turns out they have some full on religious even cult like beli...

Topless Tarot

For absolutely no other reason than I felt like it!

only for my $50 Patrons

Blow Dry

Sorry it's dry not job, Keep wishing!!!!!

About last night!!!

Another fantastic Skype call with Patron @Ramon! We unpacked my most recent date....it's amazing what a good unpacking can reveal!!!!

As much as I am enjoying these one to one calls with @Ramon who is very insightful, don't forget $50 patrons, these once a month Skype video calls are for you to catch up with me, say hello, ask me any questions you have and have a LIVE connection with me.

I understand it was Thanksgiving weekend (my bad I thought that had already passed lol!) so I ...

LIVE TONIGHT!!!!!

Forgive the late notice

Live is going ahead tonight from 11pm CET, 10PM UK

Here is the link https://join.skype.com/Lx8snCZEGqKI 

Please check out TimeBuddy for your time convserion where you are: https://www.worldtimebuddy.com/ 

THIS LIVE IS FOR INCLUDED IN THE $50 TIER, AND AVAILABLE FOR MY $50 PATRONS ONLY

Dressing Weird

Dressing weird because I'm Suze.

Todays Authenticity Challenge Vlog

Music

Just catching up on posting some of my very first ukulele beginnings...

Suze Performing at Gay Pride

OMGoddess I don't think I posted this already?

Don't expect this edit to be up to scracth, because OMG it's just too hard with the little bit of video that I had to edit it LOL!

But you get the rough idea!!!!!

Daniel had the genius idea to get me on the stage, by thrusting a mic in my hand when the DJ was doing his set at the end of Gay Pride, Malta. I barely knew the words to this song! But Daniel loved sticking me on stage at every opportunity just to get some video opport...

Content on the way

Well, this is content too, but mostly an update to say hey, sorry I didn't make the live the other day.

I can't tell you how painful flashbacks are. The worst thing is I don't even know I'm in them half the time. My friend pointed out the other day, after the attack, that of course I wouldn't know, in that moment my brain is shut down.

Oh YES! I replied, wow, I hadn't thought of that.

In fact during a flashback, the amigdala (in the frontal cortex of the brain) shuts down to...

Good Morning

It's unusual for me to be up early. I'm not usually a morning person. but this morning I woke up at 6am and I was thinking about something one of my Patrons (I'll keep you anonymous) was asking. He was wishing i made explicit content.  As you know it's not exactly something I haven't been asked before many times. And as you know, knowing me, it will depend upon the kind of mood I am in how i will respond. if I am feeling defensive and shut down I might get irritated and offended. If I am...

About last night....

Hey my handsome Patrons,

So, yes thank you Ramon my very loyal Patron who I communicated to last night to ask him to do a shout out to let you know that I wasn't able to make it last night...

It was technical issues, but I was also having a CPTSD flashback, that's why technical issues are even more difficult to resolve because in a flashback as you may know by now from hanging out with me so much, part of my brain is not working.

It was a big flashback. A big flashback means...

Here I am...

Hello beautiful Patrons

I would like to apologise for my absence. It’s a very strange predicament to make a living sharing the intimate details of ones life and then having a moment where I am craving privacy at the same time!

It’s nothing to do with you, it’s a betrayal, a heartbreak, and it has made me quite the hermit. I have a lot of videos ready for you this month. I just need to edit and upload them.

Aside from this betrayal and heartbreak, a close friend of mine...

ANGER - LET IT OUT!

I censored this video the last time i posted and then I decided why?

There is so much shame around anger, especially for women

it's just anger, it's hurt, it's processing

Let it out, talk it out, share it out, get it out, heal it...let it go!

And yes this is one of my pulp fiction style flashback videos....so since then we have yet to discover if the DM is actually divine at all....

Suze Singing by the Sea

Something a little more peaceful and gentle 

it sometimes amazes me how I can flip from one emotion to another, transcending the emotion in a very short space of time, and even though this heartbreak and the shock of this betrayal has really hit me hard, I still have love in my heart like a true Queen of cups.

Don't let the meanness and deceit of others stop you from loving.

Keep loving 

Courage is STRENGTH OF HEART

Song- When I Blocked Him

OH MY GODDESS has this been one helluva ride, and I would rather say heaven of a ride, there were moments, but it seems it ended with a tower....

BETRAYAL with a capital B

Heartbreak with a capital H

My heart broke OPEN with a capital O

And there's nothing like the healing power of song to get it ALL OUT!!!

Yes, as you can see, the sun is going down, it's just me and my ukulele down by the cliffs, a lot of shock in my heart and singing whatever words come out of ...

New Video Out!

I always like my patrons to be the first to hear about my videos on YouTube

Creative Rebelution is my new channel. 

Please help me reach 1000 Subscribers by sharing this video and subscribing

The War Within Part II

Second part of the war within, the internal conflict that has me in "2 minds"  and has essentially "interrupted" the filming of the GTY training.

A very important step in authenticity is NOT ignoring our inner voice. Authenticity or the return to it is all about hearing our true voice, which takes time to uncover, there are so many layers of ourselves that have been hidden, so the process is in gently unpeeling the layers

The War Within

The War Within. Part of the Go Touch Yourself Training

I know that maybe what you have been receiving on the GTY training was maybe not what you signed up for.

I was so grateful to have a very long and personal chat with my long time follower and Patron of the arts Ramon who shared with me what he enjoys about my content. We spoke about parameters for my content so that I can stop feeling like a machine pumping out content, never feeling like i am giving enough and yet feeling lik...

GTY IN PROCESS

Pee With Suze

Just what you always wanted 😂

Nomad

Should I stay or should I go?

SKYPE CALL HERE IS THE LINK

https://join.skype.com/BXhcfxrfQprG 

When Self Pleasure Becomes A Pain

Where I am at 

And the reason I called a skype call this evening

I hope as many of you can attend as possible

Details in my last post

I know this video is long but it's what's in my heart....

Skype Tonight!

Hey delicious Patrons!!!!!

I want to go LIVE! I want to see your faces, hear your voices, get in contact, share some stories, speak with you in person, hear your thoughts.....

I hope that my Vlog on the $50 tier will be up in time, what I share in it is the GUILT, SHAME AND INWARD HUMILIATION (as David Bowie so brilliantly describes it) of trying to second guess the taste of my audience and feeling like a real failure because of it.....

I want to talk with you....I feel like...

Shake It Off Self Commentary

What comes up for me when I share my full body in front of strangers

A self commentary on top of me shaking my body for ten minutes 

Part of the GTY training series

Heartbreak and Wombache

This is where I am at today. 

I really hope I can shift this energy soon. Accept the fact I've been played by someone who just wants to play, doesn't take women seriously. Why it takes me such a long time I am not sure.

I am frustrated with myself. On days like this i would go as far to say I hate myself. 

Shake it Off

The GTY Training has barely (no pun intended) gotten started....

But before we can experience pleasure, don't we have to shake off pain?

Often self "pleasure" is more about relieving tension, relieving pain, so is it really pleasure? Or just a temporary relief of pain?

Timings: ⏰ 00:00-4:43 Vlog on Pain and Self Pleasure

⏰ 4:43 Naked Shaking

AFTER WATCHING, SET UP YOUR PHONE AND FILM YOURSELF NAKED SHAKING FOR TEN MINUTES, so that you can join in tomorrow's e...