January

It’s January 2022. I can feel some excitement because this year can be anything we want it to be. I feel a desire to conquer some dreams this year. One of them is transforming my finances because I started this year so broke I am honestly scared to look at my bank account and I am having to be creative and take whatever jobs I can get until things pick up. On the positive side I can feel hope and possibility. One of the first things I am creating is a course teaching people who want to know how to run Patreon. I know how many people need to transition to working online due to covid and I want to help artists and creatives to know how to do that.

It’s a grey day here in Gozo. It’s quieter than it's ever been. In the background I’ve been listening to home videos of Michael Jackson, I think aside from his creative genius I always have a soft spot for people who have had hard childhoods. Michael never got to be a normal child, his whole life was on camera. Gozo is quiet, like a ghostly quiet. I have no excuse for not working, but I am an ENFP (find out your own personality here: https://www.16personalities.com/

And so not having any human interaction is really challenging for me. I am persuading myself to be positive and to use my time wisely. For my last birthday my family bought me a Masterclass membership, shame there’s no classes from Michael Jackson, that would be insane! I have been listening to the CEO of Disney, and producers and singers and learning and getting inspired. I am such a people person, so being alone all day is just plain difficult for me. I know I have to shift that and get some social things happening, but here in Malta in under two weeks only vaxxed people will be able to enter bars and restaurants. I don’t go to restaurants much, but to go to bars and cafes to meet friends, I wonder how that will work? Maybe we will be able to sit outside drinking coffee like dogs! It's a 50/50 chance that I had Covid for Christmas. It was an extreme flu for one week with muscle aches, fever, shivers, chest cough, I want to get a blood test and if it turns out I had it then I will be able to get a QI code for the restaurants which will help me to meet up with friends in Malta.

December was hard and weird. Why was I in hospital? I don’t want to dwell. Those places are frightening especially because in this case I don’t speak Maltese and with the Arabic influence they shout a lot and when you don’t know what’s going on it can be quite scary. I guess I can see that I had my heart set on a man who wasn’t really interested but led me on a bit, without having any intention of us getting together properly. I think my mind was going a strange way and actually my heart was breaking, and on top I was stressing myself out for a show I was invited to perform at with just two weeks to prepare. I wasn’t eating or sleeping, until my mind must have snapped. Getting fixated on one guy seems to be a theme for me that I want to shift. 

A good friend has given me access to some quantum meditations which focus on changing beliefs to more positive ones to change your experience of life. I am planning to do it everyday for a month and see if I can change this belief that it’s hard for me to get a relationship, that I’m always alone, that i am not wanted, to a more positive belief that relationships come easily to me, that there is someone out there who genuinely wants to be with me. 

I want a different future than the life I currently have. I want to live in a house with a partner and with kids running around, noise, laughter, fun, and also I have a move on my mind….I want to go check out Florida!!! I’ve always dreamed of living in America, and I want to go and check out Florida! If any of you can help me achieve my dream, get in touch. My aim is to get there and check it out. I’ll be talking with a friend who lives in Florida on Monday. I would love to go stay with him so I can check Florida out. I have not left Gozo for 3 years and the whole covid thing has made me too scared to travel, it’s certainly taken the fun out of it and the ease. Everything nowadays is a real nightmare, but I want to transform my fears and get out of here. When I first arrived, Gozo offered so much, and of course in the summer it offered much more, but I said to myself if I didn’t find a man by the end of 2021 then my time here is done. I honestly can’t see myself being here much longer. I would love your help to encourage me to fulfil this dream. Keep me positive about it, any ideas or contacts you have to make my dream come true, I want to hear it.

I’m tired now, so I will write again soon.

As I shared in my Patreon update I will be making one blog every week, but if I want to do more than that’s just a bonus because I feel like sharing. It has felt good to share with you today. I've been alone since January 2nd. I have so much more of December to fill you in on including my unusual Christmas and New Year plus the gig I performed at….I will have the video soon and will post on the $50 Tier.

What are you planning this year? What dreams are you looking to fulfil?

I would love to hear them. You can add them here in the comments or message me, you know I love getting letters.

Thanks for sticking with me while I was sick. I appreciate your support, all of it!

Take care of you

Suze :-)