[Esc] reality

OUTTAKES Type O Negative ASMR

Ok I've been dying to show you the outtakes but wanted to give you a chance to catch up on the video first. Did you like it? Now it's time to see what went wrong in the making! 

Type O Negative ASMR

When posing  with my pop for the thumbnail, my exact thought process was: What's the most ironic ridiculous unrelated brand plug sellout pose I can- yup. This. 

My feelings in a nutshell: Excited af to publish my baby, a little bummed out that it's not a perfect baby XD

Well... I hope you like this video. I learned that the longer I work on a project (and manage not to hate it), the more excited I get to show it to people. Even though I can't remember lyrics for shit, ev...

July LiveChat

thank you for joining :)

Stereo VS Condenser Mic - Zoom H6

Finally got around to making this - it's a bit of a mess I apologize. I recorded a bunch of different sounds and ASMR triggers with these two microphones and their respective windscreens. (The foam one belongs to the stereo mic, the fuzzy one to the condenser mic - or, according to my fiance, hat vs wig XD). Originally I tried to do them all with and without wind screens but these microphones are so sensitive that you can't even breathe near them, so I spared you the painful popping noises an...

Type O Negative ASMR - Sneak Peek

This one's coming out for realsssss. I've been working on this since Sunday and I quite like everything so far. The upcoming video is inspired by my current album obsession. 

What can I tell you about it that you might think is interesting? I picked out 5 songs to sing from this album, omitting the Halloweenish ones as they didn't fit the established vibe but I might put them in a separate video with a more spooky...

Outtakes - Party for Two - Cancer

I cut out all the terrible singing. I just wasn't any good that day XD Enjoy

★Party For Two★ #12

The last chapter, Cancer. I look back at this journey with a sentimental sense of accomplishment. Mark this as the first time I've finished something I started. It seems like now, everything is possible. I thank you all for nudging me to finish the series as the last 5% of a project take up about 95% of my willpower. 

Compared to Capricorn, this chapter did not inspire any cleverly placed ASMR trigger interceptions. The only thing I got from this book was food - and I wasn't inclin...

⛥July Download⛥

I almost forgot there was a video last month. Well there you go! I'm working my way up back to 4-6 so you can actually vote. I hope you like this mp3 version of the Heart Healing <3

Outtakes - ★Party For Two★ #11

Murphy's Law clearly applies to video creation.  

Happy to be back making more regular content! Excuse my ADHD

★Party For Two★ #11

Capricorn won with exactly two more votes than Cancer so here it is. 

But I filmed Cancer, too, over the weekend, so it won't be long before this series is finally finished and we all can move on tho the next gen [Esc] reality. 

Do these just come out shorter every time? Yeah kinda. It's mostly because I stopped wasting time doing random shit in my videos. An hour long 4k video takes upwards of 24 hours to render with my laptop, and in the last 6 months I learned that sm...

starting over

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas A. Edison

Me, too, man. I can't believe I've actually come to defend my perfectionism but I truly don't think it's that big of a deal. Ha, see what I did there? No, I don't think my standards are the problem. I think the problem is trying to make a video out of trash, such as the atrocity of a  book I've tried to use as a basis for a new project. 

The first three chapters are alright an...

⛥June Q&A⛥

The spam continues! I just got done running errands and hand washing my laundry which is currently soaking in a tub of scalding hot water to remove the detergent and by now my neighbor's brats are awake and stomping around like the tiny abominations they are so I'm doing this until exhaustion kicks in. In about 2 hours Jack will wake up and I don't know if it's worth it to try to sleep. I do enjoy your questions, as always, even though it's been rather quiet on Patreon lately. Where is everyb...

metal asmr covers

"Your patrons want to hear from you" - how would you know that, Patreon?! Anywaysssss I made you some songsssssssss. Happy July! This is me announcing the start of the month spam. I hope you like them. Please validate my feelings with a <3 if you do otherwise I'm gonna assume you don't care and wonder what I did wrong. 

I've been working on this easter egg a while and then a visit from  my one and only twin flame happened and then summer happened and summer has a habit of m...

At Night - Sneak Peek

I'm onto my next project and, thankfully, more energetic than I have been since the last spell I cast. For some reason, that one just drained the life right out of me and had me researching possible underlying health conditions that may have contributed to the extreme fatigue I was feeling. Now I've mostly recovered - both from the fatigue and from my dreaded ultra long Tuesday, the pinnacle of inconvenience of my whole entire week. For those of you who don't know, Tuesdays I have morning app...

⛥June Live Chat⛥

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Summer Solstice Vlog 2019

What do you know, the Mega tier video is not late this month! I'm getting better at this!

I filmed that particular day in my life because summer solstice is kind of a special occasion and if I weren't tied up by depression I'd probably have done a ritual. But I did the best I could from where I was and that's what matters. I can't help but lament going back to my uninspiring everyday life now that Jack is back in the US and I struggle to keep a positive outlook. Every d...

Heart Healing Outtakes

I hope this made you laugh. <3 for the half assed editing job I had 2 hours of footage ok I did my best XD

Heart Healing with Diamond & Rose Quartz

I think the healing is working because while proofreading it forced me to look at my resistance and everything I hate about myself. Putting all that aside, however overpowering my distaste for my "experimental" makeup and "never big enough even when curly" hair, I can honestly say I did not half-ass this video. 

About my efforts to induce the most tingles:

I've already told you about creating the aesthetic and I went all out trying to match the rose quartz theme with overwhel...

Crystal Healing Sneak Peek

Meow! So I'm working on some ASMR again and recently I had a breakthrough with a year old (?) conundrum. 

After my last crystal healing video, I let you guys vote on which crystals I'm gonna end up using next and the ones that came out highest voted were rose quartz and diamond. Ever since, I have been in search of the right diamond to use but my source (eBay) only turned up ridiculously expensive r...

⛥May Extras⛥

Points for Ally! I finally finished editing this vlog from last month. The overwhelming majority of you wanted to see a Vlog with Jack so I decided filming us actually going somewhere (sightseeing) would probably be the most fun thing for you to watch. There are more Vlogs and in the June poll you can decide if you want to see another Vlog from our time together amongst other choices. 

You tell me if the random ASMR is annoying cause I literally spent all day doing text and voice o...

pain and betrayal

[This post is intended purely for self-expression]

We interrupt the panic-laced daily routine of thinking I should be doing something more important for our regular dose of emotional distress triggered by something I wish I'd never scratched the surface of but here we are. 

A deep loneliness.

It's been with me for as long as I've been alive. 

Am I the only being on Earth who feels this? A loneliness that leaves me emotionally raw and I can't figure out how to...

we eat the pulverized corpses of jimini cricket and his friends

Just wanted to post a little something to make you laugh. I've spent the day editing and having anxiety and eventually my desire to make you laugh outweighed my anxiety about posting my face. Sorry about the clickbait but I couldn't resist being edgy as shit with the title. 

Have you ever tried these protein bars? What did you think? We ended up trying another kind because apparently there's a trend for there to be more than one kind and it wasn't as good. Not that this one was XD ...

love on hold

I just had to let go the person who makes my life worth living. 

This past month was the best thing that could have happened to me and my mental health. Because we were dead set on getting married soon, before we were told in the second week of May by senator whoeverthefuck that after investigating, our visa petition had been fucked up for no valid reason and at no fault of our own, we decided the best time to get together after a two year wait would be for his birthday. Jack got p...

⛥Makeup Livechat⛥

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⛥May Q&A⛥

Hola! How are you all doing? It's a beautiful sunny day here in Bavaria following weeks of relentless rain and floods. My sweet Jack and I are keeping cool in  my living room with homemade caipirinhas (my mint plant looked a little too sad to throw in a mojito - I'm sure it would help to put it out on the railing but my downstairs neighbor is a 90 year old (estimation) frail (sarcasm) lady who fears the two ounce flower pot might crush her or her fat cats.) We had other plans today but i...

⛥May Live Chat⛥

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Why You're Annoying Based On Your Sun Sign

Just following up on What I Envy About The Zodiac Signs because at least one person requested it. I remember reading it at least once. Note my super hot star guest who so kindly agreed to sit there and be pretty and laugh at my jokes. I hope you find this entertaining and don't hate me if you see yourself in this and don't wanna admit it and wanna tell me that "not every [insertyoursignhere] is like that" or "astrology is not a real thing!" 

This is just for fun and I'm bitching ab...

⛥May Download⛥

Winner by default. I hope you enjoy my singing. Sorry there haven't been more uploads. On the bright side, my apartment is clean now and my favorite person ever is living here for a month. There may be an ASMR star guest in future videos =D

mocoroons

This morning, I felt like having a treat. And like so often when I want a treat, I surveyed the kitchen for ingredients I can use to make literally anything healthier than a bag of chocolate easter eggs. Admittedly, I was envious of Jack's donuts that he said he was going to get while running errands. So I decided to bake something up, seeing as how I love baked goods and they are sort of comparable to donuts (?). 

I've been baking with almond flour because the nutritional profile ...

All About Self-Care

Read after watching. 

Thank you all for voting for this video as the April bonus video! This topic is near and dear to my heart because of my personal struggle with taking (adequate) care of myself. In transparency I must admit that it took me a very long time and eventually a meltdown to even consider starting to do all the things I showed you in the video. It's still a struggle to try and work through the neglect, gaslight and various forms of abuse I ...