[Esc] reality

on life and photography

"Now this is a story all about how..." it's been 35 hours and the long anticipated Cyberpunk video is exactly 57% rendered. Woe is me! In another day and a half, I may be able to publish the first version... but the one without music will take an additional 3 days. And that's if I managed not to make any mistakes. I'm sorry to keep you waiting so long. I was a little bit disappointed with how blurry the last video came out even though the camera produces a crisp and pristine quality. I ...

⛥September Download⛥

I'm happy to see you liked my stone massage video so much! It makes me want to make more spa videos. I don't think I'll ever stop making spa videos. Spa ASMR is always a winner. If you have ideas for what kind of treatments you would like that I haven't done before or that you would like to see (hear) again, let me know! I may have this new fancy camera now (thanks Martin) but I still want to make soundscape videos like this one. You seem to prefer these for downloads (not surprising, given that...

Outtakes - You And Me Forever

Now that the new camera is "broken in", I'm excited to see how it performs in the notorious blue lighting of the Cyberpunk bar. I want to reshoot the first part tonight (I just consider the accidentally deleted footage as "rehearsal") and I've been thinking about what I could do for an intro for this one. The idea that came to me was slo-mo footage of walking into a place with blue lighting, people sitting in booths and dancing in the distance... Alas, I don't have actors, nor do I know where to...

You And Me Forever.

"Share what's new in your world." ... uhhhh, this? 

I finally finished the first video ever filmed (and published) with my new Sony α7s - It took me a while to film and edit all the parts and as you are probably very clearly able to tell, the video is a romantic experience dedicated to Jack where I'm projecting into the future and pretending we're already living together and doing the stuff I'm looking forward to doing in person. I hope you all enjoy it aswell (or at least don't hate it)...

teaser

May I introduce the new and improved video quality... Well, almost. I'm still working on the configuration. But here's some of what you can expect for the future of [Esc] reality.

This video is just an example (as in I won't edit and publish it b/c not good enough). I wanted my first video shot with the new camera to be for Jack - I call it a good luck custom. This doesn't mean I will do tons of romantic videos. It just means I will do, like, one romantic video. 

While shooting this...

Outtakes - August

Thanks for making me smile  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  inappropriate emoji to hide embarrassment 

trying and failing and trying some more

Look, I still exist!

I'm sorry, I feel like such a failure. There's no conceivable way I can finish the cyberpunk video this month. It'll likely come out within like a week, though. I'm trying and trying but progress is so slow. I made it to the copy shop to print the last of the pictures and bought some stuff I'll need to make it realistic and that's it. Was going to film yesterday but it was raining and storming very loudly all night. (It's not raining in the first part I filmed weeks ago so...

⛥August Live Chat⛥

Thank you guys for tuning in! Dirty Flirty Fran is gonna crawl back in bed to give her dying uterus a comfortable journey to the otherworld.

Taking [Esc] reality to the next level

Sepember is coming on so let's talk about what's coming this fall.

This is what's coming this fall. 

My dream of creating top notch ASMR videos is starting to take on shape thanks to this unexpected (as in the offer caught me off guard) donation from no other than one of you guys. Thank you Martin for your immense generosity and for bringing the future of [Esc] rea...

⛥August Q&A⛥

I've been taking valerian root and I feel nothing. Nothing but restlessness. So since Jack is getting up in about an hour anyway, I decided to use that time to answer some of your lovely questions this month! By some I mean all of them. I'm gonna answer all your questions. Let's roll them out:

You can only listen to one Song till the end of your life! What song do you choose? What's the least annoying song that I know... After 6 seconds of considering the law of att...

Soft Singing and Close Up Whispering // Alternative Music

This, uhh... Is not your typical lullaby? But for those who missed my singing, I am performing - ever so softly and breathy - in order: Anesthesia (Type O Negative), Green Man (Type O Negative), Burn (The Cure), Tattooed In Reverse (Marilyn Manson), Deep Six (Marilyn Manson), Black no.1 (Type O Negative) and Wolf Moon (Type O Negative). 

I know what you're wondering - how in the world was Ally able to remember all these lyrics? Well, most of these were songs of the day but I still had to ...

complex ptsd blog

Dying in a hole. 

This is a glimpse into an aspect of my life that no one sees. The thing I could never get through to anyone. 

The room is dim. I've spent the past 17 hours in darkness, sleeping on and off. I woke up once at 2PM, then again at 4. But I didn't feel ready to get out of bed. For the past week, I haven't quite felt ready to get out of bed, but I had plans. I'm blissfully oblivious to my system's needs sometimes. After a long week of almost nonstop work, I spen...

⛥August Extras⛥

This month, you wanted to hear what I think about all your signs. Please don't hold it against me if I don't have a lot of nice things to say about your sign (Virgo). I don't discriminate against anyone based on their sign and I'm always open to letting a second impression make a dent in an unfortunate preconceived notion. Please consider this disclaimer before bitching at me that you're "not like that at all" and deleting your pledge. I know astrology is a passionate and heated topic for many p...

⛥August Download⛥

Just your friendly bonus content spam for my lovely patrons =D Here's your highest voted video from July as a HQ mp3 download! It only took me searching through 10 different converters to find one that doesn't bitch about ad block lol. Have fun with this!

☯️ Hot Stone Massage Experience ☯️

It is my pleasure to give you this soothing, balancing, tingly treatment of unparalleled relaxation. If I sound confident that you will enjoy this one, it's because I am. I'm quality checking it right now and finding it very calming. The slow, soft music goes great with the tempo of my speaking and makes the experience immersive and extra peaceful. (No music available, too!) Despite my neighbor being a piece of shit, it all wor...

Skirts and Baileys

So I ordered a bunch of skirts to try on. Spoiler alert, none of them fit. But I got some amazing fabric sounds, crinkling and more out of it. It honestly took more time to clear the floor space to be able to record in my livingroom than to make the video. 

So I haven't been entirely myself lately... There may be some unusualness in some videos. I hope you enjoy the sounds and overwhelming amount of whispering anyway. I know it's not something I normally do even though I try to incorporat...

Casual Mixology

Before there was a livestream, there was a prototype of a mixology video. I ended up hating the fuck out of it because of the setting, lacking ingredients and noise. This one is still noisy, of course I edited to make it not overwhelming - and hated every second of it lol. But I found it pretty relaxing/entertaining regardless. I worked very hard on the setting but I wasn't happy until I switched out the regular lamp for my mood lights. That bokeh though. I had to zoom in with my camera because ...

⛥July Q&A⛥

I should have specified that "life's great questions" was a joke lol. Regardless, let's roll out your deep and meaningful questions this beautifully muted Sunday afternoon with my fresh iced coffee while I'm also bleeding dry from my uterus. Fun!

Do you have any siblings? No. They were expecting siblings (wtf is birth control?) but my mother had to have an abortion because we were dirt poor and couldn't find an apartment. 

Any chance of getting a blessing? I...