Yoi Otoshi Wo Omukai Kudasai!!!

The fancy title just says, "Happy New Years" in Japanese. Or something like that.

I'm sitting here in my apartment on the last day of 2019 eating a half pound Reese's chocolate peanut butter cup. It was a gift sent to me by a fan of Idol Underworld and also of me, which is humbling to even write out here. I feel like he's not a fan but a friend, since he's really been there for me. We've talked many hours now over the past year, and I feel we'll be good friends until the day we both die. Hopefully that day is not the same day. Or... yeah.

I thought I would spend today with somebody special. I had wanted too, I mean. I lost somebody very important to me this year, and in the worst possible way that I can't even begin to go into details about here. Or ever. Somebody who was everything to me, and still is, to some degree. Somebody who betrayed my trust and my confidence, but still, despite that, I can't hold a grudge against or hate, simply because of who she is and what she's done in this world and for me, in particular. The sad part is... I have been hurt so much by so many people in my life since I've been born, people who I have trusted with all my heart or who were in positions of trust in my life that yeah... I don't feel anything anymore. I am so numb to it all. I've already moved on. I'm already pursuing new things. Because anymore, I just don't give a fuck. And I don't mean this in a negative way, despite how it sounds. Of course there are things about her that I still miss very much, things that make me smile that were like, inside jokes, or personal things we did together that I'll remember for the rest of my life. Mostly I miss the fact that she could be herself with me... that was something she couldn't easily do with others. Just like me. I am rarely my true self with ANYONE. But with her, I could be, and she could be with me. That kind of love is rare, and it WAS love. But now that's all over, and I'm honestly okay with that. Life goes on. And it's going for me, believe me.

This was supposed to be all said on video, but I couldn't do a video this month. Sorry guys, but my internet is beyond fucking slow here in "technologically advanced" Japan lol. That's a misnomer if there ever was one. So instead, you are all getting this bonus Patreon post. I'm also opening up to everybody, since I want to make up for the fact that I couldn't do a video this month. Next month, I'll figure that out, but for now, this will have to do. Sorry about that guys. Please don't get too pissed about this.

So yeah... I hope I can visit Asakusa with Miichan and say some prayers this week with her. I think that will be nice. Since losing her was the biggest loss of all in my life. Like, ever. I mean, technically I didn't lose her, but when you are told you can't see your child except for a few hours a month... that shit will wreck your soul beyond all repair. I don't have much to say about this since I still am processing it all, but at least I can see her as opposed to nothing at all. I just can't believe this happened to me. But it did, and 2020 I'll have to deal with the fallout of this and what it will mean for me psychologically. There are days when I feel so low that maybe I COULD be diagnosed as clinically depressed, but, I think I'm also too driven to let myself stay down for any amount of extended time, you know? Kind of like an athlete who plays injured despite knowing the long term consequences that playing with an injury causes. That's been me all year. I have incurred two major injuries, and still going. Still fighting. Still hoping. Still wanting. And I have a few stories still left to tell and share with all of you.

THE JOURNEY WITH NECROMA CAME TO AN END

For starters, this past year, for me, I went all over the world with Necroma. It was a chance to meet all of you out there, and I'm so grateful that I could. Thank you all, those of you who took time to shake my hand or give me a hug or talk to me while on tour. I still talk to many of you, and I'm beyond happy about this. Many of you are my Patreon supporters here, which I'm also grateful for, more than I can put into a Patreon post. So seeing everybody was amazing, and now that I have parted with Necroma, I think I can meet even more of you, since I'm not tied now to just a single group. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'll ALWAYS support the Necroma girls and the music that Ricky created. He's a genius, and no matter what has happened on the personal end between us, I will always admire him and respect his genius. I wish things had gone differently between us, but whatever. That's life. I hope and wish for nothing but the best for him and Necroma, and they know if they ever need my help, I'm a message away on LINE ID. Or email. I'll always answer their call, no matter where and when. I doubt that call will ever come though, because I think Necroma needs to now forge their own path, much like I need to forge my own, and so it goes in the Chika-verse. So it goes.

IDOL UNDERWORLD

I also formed Idol Underworld this year. It was an idea sprung from needing to find a way to keep myself out of teaching in Japan or doing all the normal customary bullshit jobs that gaijins do here in order to earn money. But more so for me, it was a chance to really connect foreign fans to the idols I love so dearly and work for every day of my life. And vice versa. So so many idols want to reach out to all of you out there, but just don't know how. I am filling that gap for everybody, or at least trying, and so for me, it's now become something NOT money-oriented, since I am doing this solely on love and passion. I make very, very little with this endeavor, as I give almost all the money to the idol groups, but what little I'm making, I try to survive one here in Tokyo. I am not a big spender, so it works out, I think. And also, I have enough coming in on Patreon to almost pay my rent, which is my biggest expense here besides buying food (even buying conbini food, which is almost all that I eat, adds up over a month).  So yeah, I really, really am grateful that so many of you out there support Idol Underworld. It's been an incredible start to this business, which has become so much of a crazy thing for me that I had got backlogged with hundreds of orders in a matter of just a few months of opening the doors.

That's fucking incredible. I'm not even kidding.

I'm all caught up now, and just as soon as I announced I was caught up, guess what? I got flooded with a shit ton of orders. Again, I can't be more happier about this. I have been issuing challenges to everybody  that buys from IU, such as wiping out the cheki counts of certain idols I nominate, and so far, EVERYBODY I've asked you to wipe out, you have! So thank you! That's unbelievable, since these girls are freaking out about it. I will say more about this in a moment, but yeah... Idol underworld I want to keep growing and keep making a huge thing, and I will. My plan is to do four things with it in 2020:

1- Expand the roster to about 200 idols and groups. We'll see if I achieve this but damn it.. I'm going to really try to make this happen!

2- Do an Idol underworld taiban here in Tokyo. That will happen for sure. I just need to set the date. But I have the framework for that already in place so that's not even an issue. I can't wait to make that happen! It will be a HUGE festival too here in Japan! 

3- Do an overseas Idol underworld tour. This is going to be something I'm trying to figure out how to do without any money, since I don't have any to really put into it at this time, but like a light and dark tour or something... take a weekend in a city in Europe or the USA someplace and do one day all easy or lighter idol groups and the next day all the heavy as hell groups... just make it a crazy weekend of idols everywhere. Looking for sponsors for this one, since it will be costly as fuck, but if somebody out there got deep pockets and wants to help make this happen, I can get it all set up and organized and do what I do, guaranteed. The goal here is to NOT make it be anything more than just a great weekend of idols playing music for foreign fans, so I don't want to get into crazy VIP tiers or anything. That's why I would rather have it all kind of paid for and taken care of by sponsors and work something out with the sponsors instead of just asking fans to pay shit tons of money for perks and such. I dunno... working on this to happen in 2020 at the tail end of the year, but it will really depend on who steps up to the plate and helps me out financially for this one. 

To put it into perspective, just even a little, if I could get plane tickets and air bnb costs covered, I could handle the rest financially through ticket sales, such as hall rental, staff support, mic rental, and transport and so on. So lets say I brought a total of like 34 people from Japan over, which would be about 8 groups and their staff, give or take. I'm looking at about 78,000 dollars total for all costs. So... not cheap. I could just keep it much smaller and do like half that number, of course, but then it would be a much smaller event, and that's okay too, but given all the time and everything that goes into even planning a single idol to go overseas, I would rather do it bigger. If we did ticket sales for this weekend at like 150 a pop, then I would need around 500 plus people to attend to cover the above expenses. 

Is this possible for idols overseas to be that many all gathered in one spot AND pay that much money for a weekend of idols? 

So my mind is really going over the numbers and yeah... I'm working on it. I really am. And also, there is the question of who I would bring? Because honestly, I want to bring every single group I have on the roster. I really do. They all are worthy of coming overseas. But that's a LOT more idols and staff than the number I just proposed lol. So this is a work in progress. 

4- I want to create a cheki market. I just kind of came up with this idea yesterday, so still not sure about what this will be or mean, but... I think it would be cool to create a trading marketplace at IU for people who buy so many cheki and want to trade the cheki like baseball cards with each other. Like it would be a way to connect with each other for selling and trading random cheki. I would collect a tiny fee for you to post the cheki on the market and then whatever I make from the trading, I would give back a portion of that amount to all the idols every month, like a bonus amount from sales of the chekis. I think that would be a ton of fun to do, since I think cheki are at the heart of idol, and it could really be something interesting to explore in detail. If you guys like that idea and approve of it, I'll create the site and append it to Idol Underworld and we can see what happens with it. Thoughts, anyone? 

Of course, with IU, I want to do other things too, like make photobooks, expand the site to be a news hub where you can get news about idols in English that is going on, improve profiles on the site like twitter feed additions and what not, and also create a mirror site in Japanese, for Japanese fans to use safely. So all things I'm looking to do in 2020. Lets see what happens, but the main thing is to grow both the idol roster and also the fans and userbase of the site, since right now, it's about 50 or so of you guys who buy everything. I need to quadruple that number by the end of 2020 and of course, improve the visibility of the site to the millions online. Can we do it? Ganbarimashoooo!

MY BOOKS

Been writing them still. I started POA, which is the story about the Japanese girl in her 20's who becomes obsessed with a male porn star and pursues him, but... things are not what they seem in this regard. Been writing it a lot on my phone. Also been working on my cryptid story too. Took kind of a pause on this since my life the past three months has been fucking beyond insane, but yeah... I am planning to finish this story soon. At least this first part. It wil be more like I'm releasing five books at once, I think, since I have 3,000 plus pages written at this point and it's only the first part of the story. So... that will be given a serious look too.

STUDYING JAPANESE

Still working on this too... well, trying to find a good way to do it. I need to be learning in a school format, but that's been tough, simply because schools here in Japan require up front payment and it's not cheap. I can't do monthly payments because... well, because it's Japan. Nothing is ever done the rational way here, despite what this country might have you believe. So yeah... working on a solution for that. We'll see how that goes.

TRYING TO FIND ANOTHER

I think I don't want to be single anymore. I want to find somebody to date for real. I am not sure if I will or not, but I don't like being single. I haven't been single for that long but it really doesn't work for me that much. I do best when I have somebody who I can have sex with regularly and who will take care of me and help support me and what I'm doing artistically and creatively. And of course, I will do the same for them. Equal treatment yo... it's the story of our time, as sad as it is to say that. It shouldn't ever have to BE a story... girls are important. END OF STORY. 

And now, some different kind of stories...

I started working more directly for an idol group called Merry Bad End. I've talked about them many times before here. I recently did my first real cheki time with them at buppan this past weekend, as they had two shows, one in the morning at Akiba Colors in Akihabara, and another at some venue in Shibuya whose name I forget. It was awesome... the morning show had a ton of people there, and MBE blew everybody away. I was able to do cheki for their Jouren, and they were all happy to have me on board. The girls were too. Honami had her cheki wiped out by a fan at IU, so I had to take 20 new cheki of her in the morning, and she was overjoyed. Just... like couldn't believe it, you know? I gave the girls their Christmas gifts and they were so happy, and we finally got to talking to each other too. I was able to break through that idol wall a bit, and I was happy to just shoot the shit with them. Though Chihiro could not grasp or understand why I was helping to carry her suitcase when we had to travel from Akiba to Shibuya for the second show. She kept trying to get the case and I kept having to tell her that she's an idol and I'm the staff and leave me to it. What an amazing soul that girl has, I am telling you. She is sooo sweet to her fans too. There was a guy from Denmark at the show in the morning. He had bought Chihiro's birthday shirt from IU, which I delivered to him at the show. It was his very first idol show ever. He put the shirt on right as I gave it to him, and Chihiro noticed it right away and totally gave him her oshi power attention all show. She was in his face the whole time and everything... and then afterwards, he did cheki with all three members, and I translated for him (which is funny to have me be a translator for these girls, since my Japanese is fucking awful). He had such a blast meeting the girls and they were so happy to meet him, but Chihiro really kept trying to connect with him. It was so fucking adorable, and it was everything I signed up for with this group. This is exactly why I decided to align with a group as small as MBE who has a very small following and footprint in the idol scene in Tokyo.... there is no pressure or craziness to them. It's just fun, and easy, and I want to see them grow, since their producer, Daisuke, really knows how to write catchy metal songs. And also, Daisuke really likes Glassjaw... how did I already know that? LOL.  Me and Daisuke get along really well, and I believe and support his vision for the group.

Additionally, I aligned myself with Satanic Punish, who are poised to come back in 2020 in a big fucking way. Their producer, Morisaki san, is a loveable, almost child-like guy who is also a super genius that writes all their music and produces their incredible vision of trying to help others stay alive and love themselves, which is the message behind SP's music. I looooove that so much. So I will be doing a LOT with them in 2020, hopefully. I can't wait. Me and Morisaki san went to see 8bit Brain, another up and coming idol group (who has the one girl from Aibeck in their ranks... what a fucking powerhouse that girl is!) on Christmas Eve, and it was nice to spend some time with him and kind of get to know him more. I look forward to having many good moments with SP and Morisaki san, who also happens to be very close to MBE's staff too. Everybody goes out and eats ramen together and drinks together... what's not to love there?

ZOMBIE POWDER

I think I am growing a lot close to Geru, the manager of Zombie Powder too. And the girls in ZP. I recently had to see them to pick up some new stock for IU, plus replenish Kureha's cheki, since she also had her cheki wiped out during my recent cheki challenge.  Kureha is this gorgeous 18 year old powerhouse idol who acts like she is 35 and in charge of a small country. She is SO commanding onstage, with that confidence of youth that she exudes and wields so effortlessly too. I saw them at Milky Way in Shibuya and Kureha had EVERYBODY jumping and moving and eating out of her tiny hands. It was incredible to watch. And inspiring... so much so that Geru ran up onto the stage and picked up the Zombie Powder flag and started waving it in the background. It was iconic, and had so many people smiling, including many other idol staff and idols watching the performance. And the fans were going apeshit nuts as he took the mic and got everybody revved up and then kept waving the flag while the girls jumped off the stage and did a whole circle pit with all the fans. I mean... Zombie Powder BRING IT every show! 

After their show, I took cheki of Kureha, who I felt bad that I made her take cheki then because she was exhausted, but she was a good sport about it. I took a bonus cheki of Ami with Kureha too, since she was hanging out watching while I did the cheki and talking to Geru, who was there as well. Kureha is so much fun to take cheki of. She just knows how to pose and the camera likes her a lot, so it's easy stuff. We talked a bit about the show and she seemed a little bummed because the fans weren't getting the clapping part in their final song they do like she had wanted them to get it. They had to do it like three times to start the song, but then when they went into the song, that was when all hell broke loose and the girls just destroyed everybody and everything. So well worth the trouble. I tried to convey that to her. I dunno if she understood or not.

The cheki session was fun because my friend Steve had come up from Nagoya to check out the show and to have dinner with me. It was his first time seeing Zombie Powder. He did cheki with all four members. How cool is that? Steve knows enough Japanese that I didn't have to translate for him, so it was fun to watch him be in happy idol goodness during each cheki. And yeah... I wasn't planning on doing the chekis for the group, but I was there and waiting to get the buppan items to restock at IU, so I figured why the hell not? I asked if I could, and at first Ami didn't seem to like the idea, since she was essentially acting as staff for the group. Her line isn't the most popular, so I think over the shows she's been a part of, she kind of is the MOM of the group and regulates everything. But then when Steve did a cheki with her, I took the cheki for them, and never looked back. For the next hour and a half, I took cheki after cheki, since Zombie Powder has a dedicated core fan base and had new fans showing up at the show too. Most of them took cheki with Kaho, since she is clearly the fan favorite of the group, but the other girls were getting a lot of cheki time too, especially Ami, since she wasn't confined to taking cheki of the girls, and could actually be an idol and do cheki.

Geru was so happy. At one point, BOTH of his cameras jammed, so lucky for him, I had my camera, which is the always reliable Instax 90 by Fuji. It's so expensive though, and it's kind of funny because MBE's staff doesn't want me to use my 90 because they have shittier cameras and they don't want the quality of the cheki my camera produces to be something a fan gets and then complains about because he also gets cheki from the shittier polaroid cameras. But Geru didn't care... he was just happy I had my camera on me. The girls were more than happy to let me slide into the cheki role too, so it was fun to be their staff for the time being. I felt at home doing it, since I did it for Necroma a few times, and did for the entire Oyasumi Hologram tour when I took them to America, and I take so many cheki now for IU that it's become my most favorite thing in the world to do. I seriously LOVE it. I can't wait to do it for more groups too. I really, really love it. I hope more groups will ask me to help them. This is so much God damn fun when I'm doing it that I feel the most alive in life taking these cheki and watching these fans enjoy their cheki sessions. Like... if this was a part of what HEAVEN will be when I die, I would just nod my head at hearing this and say to myself, "yeah, makes sense," because my soul feels such calm when I'm behind the camera recording these precious moments with these goddesses and their followers.

Please message idol groups and tell them to have me do their chekis! Being half-serious here. Honestly.

My Documentary

Ah, so this is almost done filming. Thought I would be done in November and still, I have some last minute entries that will be filmed and then I'll be done. This includes a surprise idol who I didn't think I would get a chance to film (and who I may film her one man live next year, so I'm pumped about that!). I also want to get Daisuke on film (from MBE) so I want to get this scheduled soon, and possible if I can, Pour Lui from Billie Idle, since she started all of this craziness with alternative idol. Her and Watanabe san. But I'm not sure if and when that will happen, you know? So I might just forge ahead and tell the story I want to tell without their commentary. I have enough footage for five documentaries at this point, so really, I'm good lol. I do want to get one last thing with Chihiro's story, since I feel it's not entirely complete. I hope I can make that happen too. So all of that is coming up soon I think.  And then the tough part to talk about...

I have not found a way to pay for a video editor. I found one who I think will work out for me and who seems really fucking good at what he does, but... he is not cheap. But I have NO way to pay for him at this point. I'm trying to get a trailer done to put up for a kickstarter but yeah... this is going to be a huge challenge because not only do I need a video editor, but somebody who can do color-grading and also a subtitle person who will transcribe everything for me now so I can really go through and piece this together. I have a MAMMOTH task of editing this all piece by piece and I just am not sure how I'm going to do that all... I'm thinking about it now and I think tomorrow and the next day, will try to create a guide map for everything... it's just... so much stuff. Seriously. I have 8 terabytes of footage! So... I'm really trying to think about how best to put together an epic doc that does all these groups justice. The doc, by the way, will probably be three hours long, so kiss my ass if you don't like that... I really want to make it six hours long, but that might diminish the chances of this documentary ever hitting the big screens anywhere in the world. I'm shooting for that, by the way, and also Netlix, who might be down to support this crazy endeavor of mine. So we'll see what happens there.  So I am just being honest... I need to find a way to make this a reality and fast... because I want this to be done by March/April at the latest. So all my efforts are going into this starting now and until then. I will not stop, but... I am NOT a video editor, so... I unfortunately need to find somebody and fast. 

Help? Anyone?

Final thoughts...

You know, everyday, I feel like I want to do something amazing. Something important. I need money to do the things I want to do, so I'm still looking for help in that department, big time, but... I'm so grateful for what I have too. You all have helped me get through a really shitty year. I lost so much this year. We all did. It was the year of the idol apocalypse too.  So many groups lost members, or disappeared completely, or in the 48 groups case, had one epic scandal and problem after another. I really, really hope 2020 doesn't have this problem or suffer the same fate as the Idol World did in 2019. I don't think it will... I think we all ate enough bullshit to last us for at least a few years, so I'm hoping for peace and stability in the months to come in the new year. I think I'm going to start off my New Year with focusing on getting the latest batch of IU orders done, and then also I'm going to this kind of dinner thing on January 4th all throughout Shibuya or around there. It has a bunch of idols participating in it, including KUNOGI! I'm so excited that I might get to talk to her and see her again. I might help out at the events too... my friend Ansan is running it. He puts on a million shows here in Japan, and is one of the most important people working in the Chika-verse today. He had put on the show at Milky Way the other night with Zombie Powder. He loves Chameleons too.. seriously, talk to him even a little about Chameleons, and you'll find yourself with a five year old kid full of wonder about the rainbow lizards of the reptile world! It's always a joy to see him, so yeah, I told him I would go to that and eat some good food with some idols and see what happens there. I also will be working on everything I've mentioned in this post, and much more than this even.

What will all of you be doing for 2020? I hope having a great time with your lives, and I hope supporting idols even more than you did in 2019! I also hope you'll be willing to push yourselves even more for me and what I'm doing... since I am doing a lot of this for all of you as well. I want idols to be so big and so important to foreigners that one day in Japan at a live, I want to see more foreign fans there than Japanese. Then... I'll know my work is done!

And last but not least... I'm hoping for love again. A big love. Maybe the kind to stay with me until my final days. I do have my eye on one girl but she might be impossible to even meet... though she has told me she wants to meet me... I think she was just being nice. She's too famous and too popular, but I really do adore her and want to meet her. For real. So maybe that will happen. She's returned to the world after been gone for so long and I couldn't be more happier to welcome her back. Though.. again, she's probably an impossibility and a kind of fun dream to have.  But then again... I do have this kind of weird WANT magic, so maybe I'll apply that here? Lol. Nah, just kidding... I want to just see what happens with my life. I don't know where I'm going, but I do know I want to keep trying to help everybody experience the happiness I experience with idols on a regular basis. So please, come with me on this journey I'm still on now. You cool to do that?

Happy New years to all of you. I wish you all love and peace, and your families too. Keep them safe and keep them happy, and most of all, find something you love and pursue it with all your heart. Be sure to share with all of us. I can't wait to support what you love too!