PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Who Is Responsible For Your Erection?

Well said, as usual.

Cole Astaire

I have the same problem, I need that predictability and a very relaxed atmosphere before I can get aroused. The only problem is that women hate predictability, and a relaxing atmosphere is too boring for them to stay interested or even get aroused in the first place.

This video is spot on. I had vaginismus (involuntary muscle contractions which lead to painful sex) and it made me dread sex. Eventually figured out that it was a psychological thing, it was back when I was 17 (legal age is 16 in UK) and very vanilla but once I figured out what I liked sexually I started to enjoy sex again. I think for women as well there is an attitude that when you are in a long term relationship you are a shit gf or wife if you aren't having lots of sex all the time so I got trapped in the cycle of feeling like it was an obligation and not something for me to enjoy. It was a process and a half fixing that mentality though. I feel bad for anyone who struggles with arousal as it can be quite a horrible experience xxx

Alisha

On the alcohol bit in particular, I agree. I think alcohol played a large part in the onset of the prostate inflammation I suffered from for a long stretch.

Todd McDaniels

I think the societal expectation for male arousal is due to the assumption that male sexuality is always switched on. In evolutionary terms, the male mating strategy is to maximize opportunities and be on call at a moment’s notice. Problems arise sometimes in some periods of life. I had a period in which I suffered from prostatits. ED was on rare occasions a problem due to one of the medications, but most of the time it was the inflammation of my prostate that was prohibitive. I got over that eventually, but I still seem to be susceptible when sex is overly frequent. A point I wanted to lead toward with this is that in order to have that clean slate for arousal, I need some level of predictability in the frequency of and the intervals between sex. However, that very predictability can be detrimental to a woman’s arousal because her emotions may be hard to schedule in like fashion. I hope this makes sense.

Todd McDaniels

Agree 100%. Truth be told, when both people believe they have personal accountability for arousal, it is quite liberating. It means you get back what you put into it. It also mitigates the sense of rejection/failure if your partner is out of sync with you and makes a conversation about it easier because it’s not “why aren’t you aroused by me” it’s “what’s on your mind”.... which for older married couples tends to be work stress, kids, exhaustion, bodies getting older or... sometimes too much to drink (alcohol can sometimes hit different in your 40s compared to your 20s - beware you younger folks 😆) Also, as a tip - be patient with your partner. Don’t immediately get offended if their head isn’t in the game just yet. If it’s not a “no” - give them time to switch gears. Turn off the tv- put down the phone, controller, whatever.... be patient with them because I guarantee at some point they will need to be patient with you.