The last Azriel set <3

Our shadow singer is officially done! I loved this fit even if I didn’t feel super confident in it :,)

being genderfluid and cosplaying is always a wild experience LOL I have gone through so many ups and downs with my experiences being identified as both a woman and a man. when I was younger I was pretty committed to transitioning, I hated being a woman so deeply, from the bodily pain to the way every doctor and teacher dismissed me or my words, and I couldn't see a feminine person in the mirror. I now understand gender dysphoria a bit better, and recognize that I'm not personally attached to being a man--nor am I attached to my femininity. As I couldn't find a therapist who was very well versed in this (living in a fairly non-lgbtqia2s+ friendly province), I had to do a lot of 'soul searching' as it were. When I was 18 I told myself I had to make a decision, I had to 'pick a gender' as everyone says online, but I became more familiar with the terms genderqueer and genderfluid. I had my short pixie for a few years, and decided I would dedicate myself to using hair as a gender-affirming care.

When I was younger I already needed to take a hormone blocker, and through this journey I realized the dysphoria wasn't just coming from me, but from my hormones. Those blockers changed everything for me, and I started to feel comfortable in my femininity again. I grew out my hair, and focused on learning makeup techniques to feel more femme. When I needed time and space to feel out masculinity on days that I really just could not see myself in the person reflected back at me, I learned to change my makeup and give myself the space to be who I needed to be at the time.

When filming this set, I felt super uncomfy with myself. My hormone meds had just changed a bit, and I was having a hard time with my hair length (I didn't have extensions accessible at the time). I am happier with it now than I was then, but I can also recognize that not every photoshoot I do is going to be super affirming for me, and where I'm at with my journey through tackling adulthood as the person I am. I need to do that for myself, and so I did lots of more femme cosplays after this, and went back to blonde, which relieved my feelings of displacement in my gender journey.

When people thank me for fighting for trans rights, they often say "even though it's not your problem" or thanking me for "caring about another community", but at the end of the day this is my community too. My friends, my family, and my body as well. Without the medications I take, I would not be here today--certainly not publicly cosplaying and sharing it with everyone.

Thank you for allowing me to be myself, friends, and please remember you're never alone--even on dark days, in scary boats. We are all in it together. <3