MattMorgan

This Is What I’ve Been Doing

It’s official now.

When I haven’t been drunk in a wood destroying nature or walking a dog for two hours I have been doing this. A lot.

Who Dares Wins

You might think this isn’t as impressive as real rock climbing but those robot faces rotate so think again. Never seen rock edifices do that. 

(Coen undermined this feat somewhat with his direction and commentary. Try to see through that). 

PODCAST 94 - You're An Ent.

The dark side of getting BUCK WILD.

Smelly Beans

Just a little extra to tide you over 'til I post the podcast later today. Sorry for the delay, writing deadlines have been kicking my arse this week. 

There's loads more footage from this trip to come too.

(Patreon can be so annoying. Uploading this video would have been quicker if I'd taken a VHS tape by hot-air balloon to Patreon's headquarters in California)

PODCAST 93 - Go Ahead and Jump (Jump)

OK, I might have overhyped this... it's either one of the best, or definitely the worst podcast I've ever been involved in. It was at night, raining and we'd been in the pub all day. Not excuses, just facts.

What happened an hour or so after this podcast is a different story. I'll get into that next week. For now let's just enjoy this as a moment of purity and frivolity before everything came crashing down.

(We filmed a lot of this trip, for once, so that's in the pipeline too) 2022-05-18 12:49:50 +0000 UTC View Post

The Pussies of Ashford Ride Again

This weekend was a lot. I think I’ve made the best podcast I’ve ever been involved with but I haven’t listened back to it yet. It all ended in chaos. We dyed my beard with charcoal paste somewhere along the way. It’s all documented on video and audio anyway.

Might stop drinking again and turn this podcast into a gentle chat with little old men who’ve got books out or something. Sob.

PODCAST 92 - A New Low

My phone died at the end of this. I wasn’t sure if the file had been saved. Part of me thought it might be best if it hadn’t. But it had. So here it is.

Camping this weekend with brother-in-law, Yorkshire’s naughtiest shape and possibly a badly-dyed beard. 

London Plodcast Tonight

I’m staying in town this week doing a writing room, I planned to do this last night but an after-work drink turned into a 3am mess. So, imagine a dog-walk with no dog, at night, in central London with all the sounds of the city and far more chance of me getting my phone stolen. X

PODCAST 91 - Not Just For Men

Hazy our resident survival expert and shape, has been living his best life. Living on the road, off the land, on most of the main dating apps and for one night only- in a hotel with a little seat in the shower.

Let us sit and shower in his wisdom.

(Thanks to mattmorgan_memes for the pic)

Abbey Road

HAD TO TAKE THE OTHER PICS DOWN COS THEY’RE NOT CLEARED FOR USE. OOPS.

I went there. I witnessed NG in all his glory.

I was dressed as someone from Duck Dynasty.

I stood where the Beatles, Pink Floyd and Elgar stood.

The whole building is covered in photos of all the great artists who’ve recorded there. No word of a lie- the ONLY picture of Oasis is them doing handclaps, hanging in the disabled toilet.

Proper photos to follow.

Hazy Tonight

Out tomorrow. He’s in Cornwall and he’s invented a new way of fishing where he smothers himself in his own (or a kind fisherman’s) faeces and swims down deep to lure in desperate crustaceans.

It’s so successful he’s become a local celebrity and dresses like one in the evenings. Locals say the smell of his day job never leaves him though, no matter how much CK One he uses.

Leon Hummus

Is it just me?

See what I mean about Jim Carrey?

Kept expecting the Northman to say ‘well alrighty then’.

PODCAST 89 - Dog Ate Umbilical Cord

I can’t find my stopcock, metaphorically and literally.

My Soul Playlist

For all the hundreds of people asking. Well, one person. Here you go Lorraine.

Plodcast out tomorrow btw, or late today. Had a deadline nightmare. Where’s John Barr QC? I need some of that good shit.

NG soon too. X

Rubber Ducky

These ducks are the reason the last podcast was way too long. I stopped to get a video of them and had to start recording the podcast again afterwards, not knowing how long I’d already done.

They‘re clearly plastic here but I was zoomed in. In actual life they looked real, honest.

Apparently people use plastic ducks to convince real ducks to move into their pond?!

PODCAST 88 - I Am a Shape

Anyone who listens to this whole thing deserves a medal.

PS - Don’t throw camping axes at trees

Not good for the trees or the axes.

New handle ordered. I’ll do a video of the rehandling* process. I’ve watched a YouTube tutorial. It’ll be fine and totally not dangerous to use when the head keeps flying off.

Hazy made me do this btw. He egged me on until it snapped. Then refused to use his own axe for ‘sentimental reasons’.

(* I know it’s called hafting before all the lumberjacks/Hazy pipe up)

Live footage of this podcast hanging off the back of Noel’s success

(I added the butt-plug in Photoshop btw, I sent it to Noel but he hasn’t replied 😬 if you’re a journalist please don’t run with ‘Noel Gallagher in secret sex toy shame’ you’ll get me in trouble. Ta.)

Questions for Noelo please

For what will become known in infamy as ‘the hotel show’.

PODCAST 86 - Moonblood

I hope you guys like this new character I’m working on. It’s fun to play a real idiot who just tramps across the countryside talking about things he’s not fully thought through until he ends up lost in every sense.

(Thanks to John Barr for all his help finessing this ridiculous creation)

Plodcast 2: Topics Required

Can’t get Wifi til the 5th! I’ve got Noelly G desperate to give his opinions on Taylor and Will, but can’t trust a 4G connection for that (might be for the best actually 😬). So it’s another week of my dog-walk inner monologue leaking out. I’ve got plenty of things rattling around my brain but be like John Barr last week and chuck me some curve-balls. Thanks for being patient during this transitionary period. Good things ahead though.

PS- the pictures are a range...

Is it just me…

Or does this look rude upside down?

My Horror Playlist

Put this on shuffle and go for a walk at night. I dare you.

PODCAST 85 - Wobbly Pig-Nose

I’m back. Sorry. Did you miss me? I’m just walking the dog and talking bollocks. Glad to be back in your ears my special little girls. 

(If this actually works I’ll be very impressed as I’ve done it all on my phone just with 4G)

Fuck Excuses

Nice sentiment but here are my excuses:

- I’ve had a script that needed a massive re-write.

- Covid fucked my shit up.

- We’re moving house this weekend

- I’ve put my back out and can’t lift more than a piece of paper without making a sex noise.

- War-based depression, doom-scrolling behaviour and transitioning from being a virology expert to being a global politics expert.

- ADHD

- Freiberg’s disease

- It’s mainly the day-job wor...

I’m back… nearly.

Recording tomorrow evening with Nico. Podcast out Thursday. Thanks for being patient while Covid had it’s way with me. Still not negative but you know how I struggle with goodbyes.

In the meantime, give this fella a name. Best one gets to never come camping with me, Hazy, those Ironcock lads (who are probably so fat now they’re trapped in their houses and washed by their loved ones using a mop and bucket) and a half-painted orc.

Once I’ve moved house we’ll do that live Fri...

No Show This Week. Sorry.

The Covid fairy has visited us. I’ve got it very mild. Katie and the kids not so much.

I was going to put my positive lateral-flow test as the picture but I thought that was a bit obvious, so enjoy these dignified cats instead.

Thanks for being understanding. Unless you’re not, then I’ll come and cough through your letterbox.

Love you guys. Hopefully it’s not ravaging my organs and brain on a cellular level leaving me, and the podcast, a shadow of it’s former self....

Putin doodling

As mentioned on the podcast.

PODCAST 83 - Don't Mention the War.

I mean I tried not to, but I did... that and the usual drivel.

Anyone else miss the 90s? I remember when the Millennium Bug was our greatest fear. Where's that little guy now eh? He'd be welcomed back like Christ himself at the moment.