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1.5 In Which the Dark Lord's Home is His Castle

I’ve heard that burning to death is the most painful way to go.  The way Harold screamed made me believe it.

I felt frozen, suddenly sick at what I’d done as the man dissolved into flame.  It was as if an inferno had erupted in the core of his body, and every inch of him was either crisped completely black or venting concentrated fire.  Skin charred, cracked, poured smoke and little flickers; every hole in his head blazed orange and I swear I could see the moment his ...

1.4 In Which the Dark Lord Lets His Little Light Shine

The story has officially launched at https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/40182/only-villains-do-that !  With the first three up and public, here's the fourth chapter in advance for Patrons.  Thank you all for your support!

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I made it almost the whole way across the courtyard before my pursuers latched onto my trail again.

“There he is!” Kasser’s furious voic...

1.3 In Which the Dark Lord has the Run of the Place

“Who the fuck is this guy?” the one with the bloody sword shouted, straightening up and pointing it at me.  “How’d he get in—hey, you!”

“He musta been with the peddler,” said the other one, who looked more nervous.  “How come you didn’t see him come in?”

“Youwere supposed to be watching—you know what, never mind, doesn’t really matter.”

“What’s that…hey, what kinda animal is that?”

Biribo darted around b...

1.2 In Which the Dark Lord Bends Over Backwards

“Well, fuck you too, lady.”

Yes, that was the first thing I said to the goddess.  I won’t defend it as an intelligent move, but what can I say?  I’ve always been kind of a mouth.

Fortunately, she didn’t seem to mind too much.

“And that,” she said with a self-satisfied smirk, “is why I chose you.  I’ve had strategic masterminds, cruel tyrants, thuggish bullies…  Every manner of villain I could think of to try.  But it all gets so <...

1.1 In Which the Dark Lord Technically Doesn't Push a Girl in Front of a Train

“Ugh, I wish the train would come.  One of these smelly otaku is going to grope me, I just know it.  You wouldn't believe what I'm seeing, Keiko!  One of them is carrying a body pillow!  Yes,with an anime character on it.  I know! This is why I hate coming to Akihabara.”

If the girl wasn’t so annoying, the spectacle she was making of herself, talking on her phone at the top of her lungs, might have made me nostalgic for California, where ...

When the Student is Ready, part 2

7 Years Later

The scrapyard was just the right blend of order and chaos that Emilio had come to enjoy due to his experiences in the Omnist orphanage.  A combination warehouse, smithy, and open market, the wide enclosed yard looked at first glance like utter lunacy, awash in cacophonous noise and bodies either milling about or rushing to and fro on urgent business.  Only with some exposure and experience did the pattern begin to reveal itself; there were orderl...

When the Student is Ready, part 1

Raoul got back up, scrubbing a fist across his mouth.  He didn’t try to run, and he still didn’t cry—just glared.  So Emilio hit him again.

The smaller boy rocked back, staggered, but caught his feet.  Raising his head, he sneered at Emilio.  “Feel better?”

“Shut your little mouth!”  

This time, Raoul dodged—the first two blows, anyway, before Emilio landed an uppercut on his chest, driving the air out of him in an audibl...

Bonus #65: The Girl from Everywhere, part 2

Joe wasn’t really surprised that he had to wait for those explanations.  Jenny had cited the need to make preparations and the fact that there would be plenty of time for long discussion while they traversed the Golden Sea, and while Joe knew a deflection when he heard it, that one had the benefit of making good, solid sense.  He resolved to pin her down harder if she tried it again once they were out of town, but this didn’t seem the moment to push.  You had to r...

Bonus #64: The Girl from Everywhere, part 1

Joe ambled down the main street of Sarasio, aware that he was playing right into a chapbook cliché but having made his peace with it.  He liked to amble, liked to take his time and take in the movements of the town, greeting people, stopping to chat, noting all the repairs and new construction going on, seeing who was new in the village.  To accomplish all this, it was either walk slowly with an unmotivated gait that encouraged people to interrupt his constitutional, or s...

Bonus #63: Coming to Dinner, part 4

“I see,” Shaeine whispered, not voicing the obvious rejoinder.  It was, then, a question of who survived to tell the tale.   

Her mother was going to be exceedingly irate about her playing a role in wiping out a major Imperial House, but at this point, it couldn’t be helped.

The priestess reached within herself again, connecting to the power of the goddess.  Immediately the so-called lamp reacted again, but this time Shaeine was done exercisin...

Bonus #62: Coming to Dinner, part 3

The Madouri family being what they were, the Manor’s formal dining room was laid out with a giant display behind the seat at the head of the long table, positioned so that a huge House crest would loom above the person seated there, with below that a broad flat space like an altar which could be used for any situationally suitable decoration, the better to emphasize whatever point was being made.  For this dinner, the Duke had apparently taken some amusement in designating this a suit...

Bonus #61: Coming to Dinner, part 2

Teal’s room was in a tower.  Not one of the castle towers; it occupied a timber-framed space with a shorter but more interesting history, which had once housed the machinery of a windmill connected to a primitive mana turbine over two centuries prior, in a time when the sorcerer who had then owned the property had been one of very few people who would even think to own such a thing.  Subsequently, the machinery had been dismantled as much as possible by a later owner of noble bir...

Bonus #60: Coming to Dinner, part 1

Author's Note: The next two side stories are set in the summer after the Class of 1182's freshman year, between Books 7 and 8.  They were originally planned to be short story ebook releases, but that ended up never happening and I want them to actually see the light of day, so here they are, belatedly. 

In the future I may adjust the chapter links to place them in their right position chronologically for those reading through TGAB in the future.  For now, here's a look ba...

Chapter 16 - 58

“Above all, in such times, we must have faith.”

The sanctuary of the Grand Cathedral was as packed as it had ever been, despite the Empire-wide state of emergency and warnings for all citizens to take shelter.  In a way, they had, for all that a dense crowd might be even more vulnerable to attack; shelter was more than physical, and just as the Archpope now said to the assembled throng, it was in precisely such times that people sought the comfort of faith.

�...

Chapter 16 - 57

They came streaking out of the depths of the Golden Sea, leaving trails of black smoke across the sky.  The skeletal figures made no formation, in fact fanning outward as they traveled; when they failed to do so, conflict erupted in brief midair scuffles, the necro-drakes snapping and clawing at each other before separating and banking away in a different direction.  One particularly fractious pair actually locked together in a body brawl that cost them the use of their wings and b...

Chapter 16 - 56

“Nurdrakhaan,” the Archpope repeated, staring pensively at the ancient data screen affixed to Rector’s apparatus by a framework of commercially available brass fastenings.  Currently it was displaying strings of text and numbers which conveyed raw data that the enchanter could evidently interpret, though Justinian understood only bits and snatches.

“That’s what I said,” Rector snapped, still testy from his morning’s excursion into the cold.  He tended to wilt o...

Chapter 16 - 55

The chapter is up at tiraas.net!  Access code for patrons is:

TV76D4N2YI

Chapter 16 - 54 access

Welcome back to the new and improved Patreon!  Thanks very much for being patient with me during the hiatus, and for your generous support.  This marks the first early access chapter offered as a reward for backers!  Password for 16 - 54 is:

AT78XN3YNG

Enjoy!

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