After a nice winter off, my Messy Sports Bets series returns in 2024 and begins TODAY with MESSY MARCH MADNESS!
I'm attempting to correctly pick the winner of all 63 college basketball tournament games. If I do it, I stay totally clean. But for every pick I get wrong, I get messy! Each round has a different mess:
My partner realized it's been a while since she messed me up. So she ambushed me when I was on my way to the gym with two flimsy challenges:
For Pi Day, I had a mental challenge: to name the first 10 digits of pi AFTER 3.14. For every number I get correct, she subtracts a pie. Once I get one wrong, I get the rest of the pies. (Needless to say, I didn't make it far.)
For St. Patrick's Day, I had a physical challenge: I had 20 seconds to down a Guinness tallboy, otherwise I'd receiv...
2024-03-20 00:46:15 +0000 UTC
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My partner realized it's been a while since she messed me up. So she ambushed me when I was on my way to the gym with two flimsy challenges:
For Pi Day, I had a mental challenge: to name the first 10 digits of pi AFTER 3.14. For every number I get correct, she subtracts a pie. Once I get one wrong, I get the rest of the pies. (Needless to say, I didn't make it far.)
For St. Patrick's Day, I had a physical challenge: I had 20 seconds to down a Guinness tallboy, otherwise I'd receiv...
2024-03-20 00:45:04 +0000 UTC
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This is a continuation of Part 1 of the Smash the Stripper story. I recommend reading the first part if you haven't already; it sets the stage for this finale!
Scene 3: What Would You Do to Keep This Job?
Once again, the crowd’s murmurs became louder and louder. Archie handed the scissors to Mr. Johnson, then made a beeline toward Steven. He...
2024-03-14 14:27:22 +0000 UTC
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This is a continuation of Part 1 of the Smash the Sweetheart story. I recommend reading the first part if you haven't already; it sets the stage for this finale!
Scene 3: What Would You Do to Keep This Job?
Once again, the crowd’s murmurs became louder and louder. Alexis handed the scissors to Ms. Johnson, then made a beeline toward Reese. S...
2024-03-14 14:25:14 +0000 UTC
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Scene 1: Have You Ever Considered Using Your Good Looks for Money?
Steven was always kind of shy, the type that would disappear in a room full of people. It didn’t help that he was pretty skinny, kind of short, devoid of facial hair, and didn’t drink a lot, which made people wonder whether he was really a college student or someone younger in disguise. He just didn’t look the part, especially at Florida State University, a notorious party school.
Still, the ...
2024-03-07 18:06:57 +0000 UTC
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Scene 1: Have You Ever Considered Using Your Good Looks for Money?
For as long as she could remember, Reese was a dancer. She practically lived in the studio growing up, she was on the Dance Team in college, and now, at the ripe old age of 23, she had landed a coveted spot on the dance squad for the Washington Wild Things hockey team.
For all intents and purposes, dancing was her identity.
The only issue was, the pay was meager and she had expenses. A lot of...
2024-03-07 18:05:24 +0000 UTC
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During the pandemic, while I couldn't bring anyone in to shoot with me, I created a series of "workout" videos that were really just a flimsy reason for me to get messy. This was probably the wildest one I ever did!
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1QzsBTBOp-fbScqHM6Af4j3M2Al41LWOb/view?usp=drive_link
2024-03-01 14:04:30 +0000 UTC
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Read Parts 1 and 2 here:
https://www.patreon.com/posts/male-version-b-1-98009579
https://www.patreon.com/posts/male-version-b-2-98417930
(If you read Parts 1 and 2, lucky you! You can skip down to the Finale section of the story below!)
Introduction
2024-02-22 18:28:08 +0000 UTC
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Read Parts 1 and 2 here:
https://www.patreon.com/posts/female-version-b-98009499
https://www.patreon.com/posts/female-version-b-98417831
(If you read Parts 1 and 2, lucky you! You can skip down to the Finale section of the story below!)
Introduction
2024-02-22 18:25:42 +0000 UTC
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Read Part 1 here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/male-version-b-1-98009579
(If you read Part 1, lucky you! You can skip down to the Round 5 section of the story below!)
Introduction
It was Day 1 of the inaugural Life’s a Beach Festival, a 4-day music festival being held for the first time on the beach in Daytona Beach, Florida.
Comedy...
2024-02-13 20:48:16 +0000 UTC
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Read Part 1 here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/female-version-b-98009499
(If you read Part 1, lucky you! You can skip down to the Round 5 section of the story below!)
Introduction
It was Day 1 of the inaugural Life’s a Beach Festival, a 4-day music festival being held for the first time on the beach in Daytona Beach, Florida.
Comedy...
2024-02-13 20:47:02 +0000 UTC
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“Do you smell that?”
It was a bright, sunny early afternoon in Daytona Beach, Florida, and the start of the long Memorial Day weekend. The air was warm and full of possibility. The days were getting longer, the temperatures getting warmer. It was also Day 1 of the inaugural Life’s a Beach Festival, a 4-day music festival which would bring over 100 artists to perform on stages built right on the sand.
Festivalgoers were encouraged to camp on the beach, and the beachfront was ...
2024-02-07 04:44:25 +0000 UTC
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“Do you smell that?”
It was a bright, sunny early afternoon in Daytona Beach, Florida, and the start of the long Memorial Day weekend. The air was warm and full of possibility. The days were getting longer, the temperatures getting warmer. It was also Day 1 of the inaugural Life’s a Beach Festival, a 4-day music festival which would bring over 100 artists to perform on stages built right on the sand.
Festivalgoers were encouraged to camp on the beach, and the beachfront was ...
2024-02-07 04:43:28 +0000 UTC
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I've got some messy stuff next, but one last wet outfit for you...
What good is a workout outfit if you can't get drenched in it?
2024-02-05 15:10:06 +0000 UTC
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I have way too many outfits I want to use in videos.
I just got this bodysuit in the mail last week. It's so soft and stretchy, not to mention pretty much my exact skin tone, that I had to soak it immediately.
Can't wait to smother it in pies and slime!
2024-02-01 17:29:42 +0000 UTC
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I have way too many outfits I want to use in videos.
It's my first time using dressy clothes in a shoot! If you use your imagination, it's like you dunked your boss in a dunk tank 🙃
2024-01-29 14:20:02 +0000 UTC
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I have way too many outfits I want to use in videos.
Here's one to commemorate my Spurs crashing out of the FA Cup at the hands of the Death Star, Man City. Who needs trophies anyway?
2024-01-27 13:50:50 +0000 UTC
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I've been busy moving over the last couple of weeks, so while I get settled, I have some videos from the vault to share with you!
During the pandemic, I created a silly workout series using pies as 'weights'. Here's the first of those videos, featuring my extremely long pandemic hair!
2024-01-24 04:44:02 +0000 UTC
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I'm a huge wrestling fan, and the showmanship and gratuitous fake violence lends itself well to the kind of thing that happens in pie fights.
A couple of years ago, I tried giving a promo for the very first time. It was laughably bad, and looking back at it, I deserved the pies I got. Hope you enjoy it in all its cringey hilarity!
2024-01-20 03:48:35 +0000 UTC
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I always wanted to get dumped on with thick chocolate. This might be thinner than I'd like, but if I thickened it, would it look promising? Let me know what you think!
2024-01-14 13:45:28 +0000 UTC
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Hey, I never said I was a great screenwriter!
A few years ago, an interactive story was published on the UMD called The WAM Carnival, where you had to find your way through a fictional messy carnival without losing your clothes and dignity while remaining as clean as possible. I tried (and failed) several times to make it through and thought, what if this became a video?
Note: The bonus content referenced at the end of the video can't be shown on Patreon, sorry :(
2024-01-11 13:00:06 +0000 UTC
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For the longest time, I've been obsessed with the idea of being gunged UK-style. Splatter Emporium has given me that chance at an affordable rate, and now I can't get enough of it!
SE recently released a new "ultra thick" version of their gunge. So I put on a silly sporty outfit and gave it a go! Let me know what you think!
2024-01-05 17:00:03 +0000 UTC
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Free video unlocked for all!
Back in 2019, I got involved with a fantasy football account on Twitter who made a challenge: their experts would each pick a wide receiver each week, and you would too. If the player you picked scored lower than every single one of their picks, then you had to take a pie in the face and post the video. For their part, they would make a charitable donation.
This video was the Holiday Special! For Christmas week a few years ago, I picked a player and lo...
2024-01-01 17:00:04 +0000 UTC
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Here's a holiday gift for all my Patrons, regardless of tier!
A few days ago it was Christmas morning, and I wanted to surprise my girlfriend when she woke up on the big day. I wrapped it nicely, sat patiently waiting for her to wake up, and ... she didn't like it.
And here I thought she was an SNL fan...
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1H26VV4-mrs1wNeZoa3kj...
2023-12-29 17:00:04 +0000 UTC
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It's the latest edition of Messy Sports Bets!
Whenever I lose, the Pick Your Punishment board is meant to mix up the messes I get, but rarely do I even get three of them. Until today.
Without my knowledge, an "Everything in This Row" square made its way onto the board somehow, and it ended with perhaps the most devastating video I've shot all year. Handcuffs! Shaving cream bikini! A humiliating catchphrase before receiving each pie! And so much more.
Check it out here!
2023-12-26 17:00:03 +0000 UTC
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It's the latest edition of Messy Sports Bets!
Whenever I lose, the Pick Your Punishment board is meant to mix up the messes I get, but rarely do I even get three of them. Until today.
Without my knowledge, an "Everything in This Row" square made its way onto the board somehow, and it ended with perhaps the most devastating video I've shot all year. Handcuffs! Shaving cream bikini! A humiliating catchphrase before receiving each pie! And so much more.
2023-12-26 16:55:01 +0000 UTC
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This week, I pay off another slew of lost bets, this time wearing a single strap sports bra, which might be the most emasculating piece of clothing I've ever worn. And THEN I had to do a seemingly impossible cupcake sitting Physical Challenge!
But after getting an ice cream sundae dumped in my pants, pied in the face, and slimed, me wearing my girlfriend's clothes was probably the least of my concerns...
Check out the latest edition of my Messy Sports Bets series here!
2023-12-21 22:47:25 +0000 UTC
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This week, I pay off another slew of lost bets, this time wearing a single strap sports bra, which might be the most emasculating piece of clothing I've ever worn. And THEN I had to do a seemingly impossible cupcake sitting Physical Challenge!
But after getting an ice cream sundae dumped in my pants, pied in the face, and slimed, me wearing my girlfriend's clothes was probably the least of my concerns...
Check out the latest edition of my Messy Sports Bets series here!
2023-12-21 22:38:17 +0000 UTC
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I love getting messy. But another thing I love is going to a store and trying on new clothes, knowing that they'll all eventually get destroyed under a barrage of cream pies and gooey slime. If only the salespeople knew that!
I'm gonna post some new favorites over the next couple of weeks - tell me what you think! Here's Outfit #4, a matching top and bottom from Heroine Sport. I'm a mermaid! (Merman?)
(P.S., I guess if they're meant for yoga, fiiiiine, I'...
2023-12-17 18:00:02 +0000 UTC
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