Daniel Newwyn

[I am a Table] Chapter 47

I don’t think ‘hut’ is quite the right word for this.

The structure before them looked like a potter’s shack made of cobbled-together planks and mud-brick. The roof sagged under the weight of what looked like hundreds of spoons tied together with twine that clanked like a deranged wind chime under the slightest whiff of wind. More spoons, and bigger ones at that, were nailed to the door, forming a sort of decorative spiral.

A sign hung from a rusted ...

[I am a Table] Chapter 46

Ducaz. Are my eyes tricking me or did he swap the horse he stole for ANOTHER stolen horse?

Ducaz waved at them, his grin wide enough to make any sane person suspicious. “Ah, it’s good to see you all still breathing. Shall we continue?”

Lena squinted at him. “I thought you ran off. Where did you disappear to?”

“I thought you needed a pioneer, so I went ahead and blazed the trail for you,” he said, with an ever-present smile on his face.

Lena narro...

[I am a Table] Chapter 45

The wagon squeaked and the twigs underfoot cracked as Rob guided the horse down a narrower, less-traveled path.

This is probably the right choice, Blorbo begrudgingly admitted to himself. They were already three days behind schedule, and Silverleaf was nothing but a name at this point. For all they knew, he was just another pompous snob like Bimbleton, tossing money around like confetti and overestimating his own taste in furniture.

Lena, sitting at the front of the ...

[I am a Table] Chapter 44

Blorbo readjusted his vision and got a good look at the creatures.

They were too small to be the orcs he knew in the games he’d played in his last life (no idea how he suddenly remembered this information), but definitely orc-adjacent. A goblin-like species that looked like they possssed horrible decision-making skills, uncanny ability to be both cowardly and aggressive at the same time, and an unfortunate instinct to always double down on bad ideas.

He had no idea what these cr...

[I am a Table] Chapter 43

It was finally the day of the trip out of town. Anders had been in peak form, grumbling all morning about how long it’d taken them to finally get going, and how his collection of fine knives could’ve fallen to the hands of some greasy baron who was probably unwittingly hanging them atop a reindeer head like some sort of trophy.

The sun had soundly risen when Rob secured the last of their supplies onto the wagon and tightened the ropes. Lena, meanwhile, was busy running through a men...

[I am a Table] Chapter 42

Rob and Lena arrived at the robed mage’s hideout as the last remnants of daylight faded into a deep indigo.

Rob pulled the reins, bringing the horse to a halt near the entrance. “We tie it here.”

Lena hopped down, dusting her clothes before reaching to secure the rope. The grass here was ridiculously high—so high, in fact, that it reached up to the horse’s ankles. It gave a slow, thoughtful blink, looked down at the feast surrounding it, and promptly started eating.

[I am a Table] Chapter 41

Oh yeah. This guy. Lena had gone on about him on the way here while Rob barely reacted beyond the occasional grunt.

Zukaman, both Priest and High Keeper of the temple, but preferred to be called Priest. He was also a former Paladin who fought in something called the First Orc-Human War, and probably some overachiever with five more official titles throughout his illustrious career. Retired from the battlefield, now he ran things at the temple, handling prayers, blessings, and training n...

[I am a Table] Chapter 40

However, the next ten minutes went by without a single passenger so much passing a glance at the makeshift altar, despite the constant bellowing from Ducaz. That made him impatient.

“Business is slow today. These people don’t have nearly enough fate to part with their money!” His brow furrowed. “But worry not. I have a trick or two up my sleeves.”

Ducaz took a deep breath and dropped to his knees as he clasped his hands together in dramatic supplication. “Brothers and ...

[I am a Table] Chapter 39

Shop closed early, and since Rob now had a freaking wagon with him, he got to load Blorbo straight onto the back like a sack of potatoes.

Rob was never the most talkative man, and he grew even more quiet the closer to the temple he was. It was mostly Lena who did the talking, and it didn’t really matter since the woman was the kind to have a seamless free-flowing conversation with her pebbles.

They got to the Temple of Garniz, a temple with side-towers so tall it made the struct...

[I am a Table] Chapter 38

That damn robed mage.

From his stationary vantage point, Blorbo felt a weird tingling sweeping over his surface. Something was happening. The cabbages that had been threatening to topple were suddenly steadied, and there was no sound or dramatic flourish that would cause any suspicion. It was a subtle spell, too quiet for anyone to detect, but Blorbo felt it.

So unlike him.

His status updated for a brief moment:

[Magical Furniture]

What?...

[I am a Table] Chapter 37

The least bad thing about being stunned was that Blorbo’s senses numbed for about thirty minutes. It wasn’t the worst feeling in the world, since when you couldn’t feel, nothing could hurt him. But the table knew it was only a matter of time until fate hit him with another idiotic trial that he’d never asked for.

And the first thing Blorbo felt when his vision returned was the bumpy sensation of being wheeled through town.

Not another day of being carted around like so...