Two quick notes. One, when I said the arc would end at chapter 70, that was a filthy lie. I should know by now not to say shit like that when it always goes off the rails. This final sequence for the floor keeps getting bigger.
And two, when I started writing this story, I wanted to set the tone right away and left a note for myself as a reminder to keep that tone on point. It was first thing I'd written. That note has been sitting at the bottom of my Word file this whole time. ...
I was hoping to hit you guys with a double chapter tonight, but it's not in the cards, unfortunately. Chapters 69 and 70 are going to button up the current story arc and the third floor. These last few chapters are going to be a bit bonkers.
Chapter 68
We waited until sunset before leaving our hiding spot atop the building. After the brief, chaotic fight on the street down below, the two guards remained in their position facing the fire. They did not move. They did n...
2020-06-05 23:32:35 +0000 UTC View PostHere are the newest e-reader files! If you'd like it in a different format, please let me know!
2020-06-01 08:50:17 +0000 UTC View PostQuick note. The sequence at the end of this chapter may not seem like much, but it was super difficult to get down. Spinning that many plates at the same time and making it (hopefully) comprehensible is always a challenge. Thanks so much for your patience.
Chapter 67
Ripper Wonton played a video of Manasa singing, her final performance. The large cobra was in an opulent dining room, singing a cappella in a hauntingly sad soprano voice. The entire studio watched...
2020-05-29 11:42:22 +0000 UTC View Post
Chapter 66
This was a different production trailer than the one we’d used for the Maestro’s show, but it was still a rental, according to the frisbee-shaped robot running the thing. The boat was even larger and more well-appointed than Odette’s private production trailer, and I had the sense this one was normally used for dignitaries and non-crawlers. Or maybe it was even a living quarters, as it had a large bed and a very nifty shower facilities.
Th...
2020-05-22 10:35:41 +0000 UTC View Post
Chapter 65
Time to level Collapse: 3 days, 16 hours.
Views: 1.9 Quadrillion
Followers: 72 Trillion
Favorites: 13.1 Trillion
“We’d like to see Magistrate FeatherFall please,” Donut said, using her sweetest voice.
Getting to this office had been a chore. The town’s administrative buildings had no first or second floor, and we’d had to utilize Donut’s Puddle Jumper spell to teleport from...
2020-05-18 10:58:27 +0000 UTC View Post
Chapter 64
I examined the corpse of the elf. I really wished I’d done it before, as the amount given was much less once they were dead.
Lootable Corpse. Vincente. City Elf. Level 16. Killed by Crawler Grand Champion Best in Dungeon Princess Donut with an assist by Crawler Royal Bodyguard Carl.
“Ha,” Donut said. “I got credit for the kill.”
“Well, you did blow his head off. All I did was kick him i...
2020-05-13 22:26:47 +0000 UTC View PostIt's a double-chapter day! Yay!
Chapter 62
Entering The Desperado Club
The first room of the loud, garish Desperado Club was open to the general public. It was packed.
The exterior of the building looked straight out of 1920’s New York City. It was all square, concrete columns with a semi-circle relief punctuated by triangular, sun-like rays, similar to the construction style of the top of the Empire State Building. The club took up an ent...
2020-05-08 10:36:36 +0000 UTC View PostThe moment we stepped outside of Mordecai’s guild room, I pulled up the town’s map, and I looked for the smallest pub I could find. I found one a few blocks away that didn’t appear to be along any main roads, so we headed toward it. I had been so desperate to find other people when we first got into the dungeon, but for now I just wanted to sleep. The way the other crawlers pointed and gasped when they saw us, it wasn’t something I could deal with. Not tonight.
Mong...
2020-05-04 00:34:38 +0000 UTC View Post
Time to level Collapse: 5 days, 10 hours.
Views: 1.4 Quadrillion
Followers: 30 Trillion
Favorites: 6.2 Trillion
The first thing I did as I settled into Mordecai’s chamber was collapse into one of the classroom chairs. I’d been awake all night, and I really needed to get some sleep. The weight of the past 24 hours suddenly crashed down on me.
I watched Mongo, equally exhausted, walk straight to the fireplace...
2020-04-29 22:55:09 +0000 UTC View Post
I hurtled through the abandoned city.
I started about a mile and a half away from the old building where Signet lived. The neighborhood map’s view of the local mobs ended just one street before. I avoided the scattered monsters. There weren’t many in this area, but a few of them appeared to be large and fast.
Mordecai: Donut’s Cockroach skill just activated. She went down to zero, but it kept her alive. She’s now at five pe...
2020-04-26 22:22:54 +0000 UTC View PostTwo chapters today! I put these together because I knew I'd have a riot on my hands if I left it at the end of chapter 57.
Chapter 57
I held the circus ticket tightly in my hand as I approached the main entrance. This close to the big top tent, I could see the effects of time on the fabric and the rest of the circus. The red carpet below my feet was threadbare and stained with blood. The tent sidewalls were also stained and filled with tiny holes. Another few years...
2020-04-22 11:19:26 +0000 UTC View Post
The usual music and bombastic, over-the-loudspeaker announcement was gone. The system was treating this just like a regular mob. But this clearly wasn’t just any old monster.
Heather the Bear!
Level 19 Neighborhood Boss!
Performing since she was a cub, Heather the Roller-Skating Bear was one of the longest-running attractions at Grimaldi’s Traveling Circus. Her retirement was only weeks away w...
2020-04-17 21:49:43 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 55
Time to level Collapse: 6 days, 23 hours.
Views: 998.3 Trillion
Followers: 16.5 Trillion
Favorites: 3 Trillion
I awakened to find a long message from Brandon just hovering in my field of vision. I put it aside for the moment while I let myself wake up. As usual, Donut had insisted we share a room. But instead of sleeping on my neck, she slept upon her newly-erected cat tree,...
2020-04-14 23:49:49 +0000 UTC View PostA Trailer Park Fairy Tale is a collection of short stories I wrote when I first started writing, including "Hurricane Bonnie," which won the Martindale Literary Award over 20 years ago. The story "The Champion" also won a Spam Fan-Fiction writing contest.
The other files are .MOBIs of the Shivered Sky Trilogy. If you want them in a different format, please let me know. That was also written a long time ago, but it was recently updated. It's probably the most "epic" thing I've wr...
“What was your name again?” Signet asked me. She didn’t move from her arms-out Jesus pose.
“Uh, Carl,” I said as I frantically searched the map for the best way to flee. We had nowhere to go. I regretted making Donut use her Puddle Jumper spell already. The spell had a five-hour countdown, and we really could’ve used it about now.
“Carl. What a strong name. Be a dear, Sir Carl. You seem like a strapping lad,” Signet said. “Please...
2020-04-11 11:12:18 +0000 UTC View PostSorry in advance for the cliffhanger ending to this chapter. It's a natural place to end the chapter, though. Also, completely unrelated to this chapter, I have a question for my favorite patrons.
If you were an Intergalactic citizen, and you happened to be in the audience of a talk show where they were interviewing Donut and Carl, and the audience was allowed to ask questions and/or make comments, what question would you ask? Thanks in advance!
I'm still fiddling with this. Art by the amazing Jaka Prawira https://www.artstation.com/ellinsworth
Typography by me.
It's definitely not perfectly aligned with the story, but I still really like it. Jaka's first head on the Carl character looked too young, so I redrew it myself. The goblin dozer is too small and the halls are more mine-like than in the real dungeon. But that's all my fau...
2020-04-03 22:56:20 +0000 UTC View Post
Mongo had risen to level three and almost doubled in size. He was going to be a very bright and colorful monster when he was done growing. His pink-hued feathers grew longer and thicker along his little arms, mixing in with a line of deep-red feathers. His tail also grew longer, making him appear more dinosaur-like and less like poultry. The skin around his eyes took in a bluish tone. His beak had widened and grown larger, too. A nose chomp from him now could do serious dam...
2020-04-03 22:51:11 +0000 UTC View PostLet me know if you'd like it in a different format. This is through Chap 51.
2020-03-31 03:47:51 +0000 UTC View Post
Chapter 51
Views: 371.5 Trillion
Followers: 7.8 Trillion
Favorites: 1.1 Trillion
Donut worked on Mongo’s training while we walked along the road. I pulled a stick from my inventory and tossed it. She was working on getting him to stay put until she told him to go fetch it. He was about 80% of the way there already. The problem was when he got too excited, he absolutely refused to listen to orders.
Donut stopped at the first r...
2020-03-30 22:14:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Chapter 50
“This is called the Over City,” Mordecai said as we walked along the wooden street. My minimap was awash in the white dots of NPCs. Mordecai’s dot had turned to a yellow star. A few blue dots of other crawlers were scattered about, but not many. “Where you exited the second floor has no bearing on where you enter this floor. It is completely random. So you will now be mixed in with crawlers from around the world.”
“So Brandon and cre...
2020-03-27 23:31:03 +0000 UTC View PostQuick note. Based on some feedback, I've rewritten how the end of chapter 48 plays out. If you've already read it, you should probably re-read the end of the Odette section and then the last few paragraphs of 48. Basically, I originally had the plan as an Odette/Donut thing, but now Carl is in on it. It makes more sense this way. Sorry about the retcon.
Part Three
Chapter 48
“You do realize that thing is going to get you killed, right?” Odette ...
2020-03-24 20:38:58 +0000 UTC View Post
Chapter 47
Views: 124.8 Trillion
Followers: 2.1 Trillion
Favorites: 234 Billion
The process of getting Mongo to bond with Donut took the rest of our time on the second floor. It also, for whatever reason, appeared to be endlessly amusing to the general public. The continuing fallout from the Maestro sex tape along with Donut getting her nose chomped over and over and over by her new “pet” seemed to be a winning combination, ...
2020-03-17 22:51:37 +0000 UTC View PostChap 46 is short, and chapter 45 doesn't move the narrative much further unless you also read 46, so they're coming out together. Thanks again everyone for being patrons.
Chapter 45
Finding the boss chamber of the kobolds was easy.
Heavy, thrumming metal music blasted through the halls. It was a cacophony of sound with growling, deep vocals and guitars that were almost seizure-like. I couldn’t tell if the vocalist was singing in English, or if he was ev...
2020-03-13 22:02:16 +0000 UTC View PostHere are the latest e-reader files. If you have any specific requests for setup, please let me know. These are quick and dirty, but I can' definitely pretty it up if needed. Thanks so much!
2020-03-09 04:51:14 +0000 UTC View Post
Time To Level Collapse: 3 Days, 14 hours
Views: 1.7 Trillion
Followers: 439.9 Billion
Favorites: 42.4 Billion
“I don’t understand why she killed her daughter,” Donut said after we returned to the safe room. She immediately started opening the loot boxes from the earlier battle. She received nothing new except two “Trap Modules” from her gold sapper’s box. One was called a Spike Module and the other an Alarm Module. We couldn’t u...
2020-03-09 03:34:20 +0000 UTC View Post
“Uh, let’s now watch how our two guests escaped that safe room,” the Maestro said after the audience’s laughter died down.
The stage went dark as the screen replayed our desperate escape from the rage elemental. It showed the scene from the point of view of the hallway, with the chopper bursting out of the room, screeching around the corner, Donut sitting high on the contraption. The audience roared their approval. Next to us, the Maestro screamed and ra...
2020-03-06 07:12:56 +0000 UTC View Post
“I’m going to vomit,” Donut said as the floor heaved. “I’m going to puke on television, Carl.”
“You’ll get used to it,” I said. “I think when the holo starts, it stabilizes. Just breathe.”
“I don’t like puking. I don’t want to puke!”
I laughed. “Really? I seem to recall you had a thing for vomiting on my pillow.”
“That was different. I did that on purpose.”
“I knew it. I fucking kn...
2020-03-03 03:00:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Time To Level Collapse: 4 Days, 6 hours
Views: 1.4 Trillion
Followers: 352.2 Billion
Favorites: 21.4 Billion
I still had plenty of moonshine left, and Donut and I spent the hour torching all the pupae in the large room. I looked up at the map. There was no way we could get to them all. We were going to have to hightail it out of here.
With the unfortunate destruction of the chopper, our travel options were now ...
2020-03-01 15:00:00 +0000 UTC View Post