In Your Shadow [Chapter 20]

[Chapter 19]

“Now that it’s all marked, would anyone like to share their work with the class?”

Katsuki felt every muscle in his body go taut, and when Aizawa’s eyes darted toward him for the briefest of moments, he quickly ducked his head. As much as his project meant to him, as proud as he was of it, he wasn’t ready to lay himself out so bare to everyone. Not yet, at least, and he wouldn’t be surprised if he never was.

Thankfully, a few other hands went up to volunteer, and Katsuki let out the faintest sigh once he knew the attention was directed elsewhere. Iida had volunteered to go first, as usual, and as he read out his perfectly grammatical, completely emotionless essay, Katsuki slumped a little in his seat. Deku would have murdered him with a look alone, if he’d seen Katsuki slouch like that, but Katsuki just couldn’t find the mental capacity to care. All his classmates had apparently become so detached from the concept of being a hero, it had all become about the pretty words and overly intellectual language that they thought would get them good grades. U.A. was a hero school, had they all conveniently forgotten that?

“Thank you, Iida. Does anyone have any feedback?”

Aizawa had taken to asking that every time they shared their work, lately – since they’d started their third year, Katsuki supposed. They’d all gotten used to it, they all knew it was coming, but it didn’t make it any easier to speak up, nor to hear the criticism from their classmates.

“I thought it did a really good job of explaining all the duties of being a Pro-Hero!” Kirishima spoke up, getting a grateful nod from Iida for it. “You went very detailed with all of the technical aspects of the job, it was impressive!”

Mina shot Katsuki a look, but Katsuki refused to acknowledge it, pretending he hadn’t noticed even though she clearly knew he had.

“I agree,” she said slowly, barely looking at Iida as she spoke. “But I wonder how you feel about all of it?”

Iida blinked at her, but already Kaminari was agreeing eagerly, and Katsuki cringed the moment he opened his mouth.

“Like anyone could have written it, right?” Kaminari asked knowingly, eyes darting to Katsuki but thankfully leaving him out of it. “It would make an awesome blog about, like, the realities of the job, you know? But it doesn’t say much about you.”

“Would either of you like to share your work?” Aizawa suggested. “You both seemed to have quite a connection with your work.”

“Mine isn’t anywhere near as good or informative,” Kaminari prefaced, reaching down beside his chair all the same. “I’m not good at that stuff, you guys know that. But this is what I made!”

Katsuki hadn’t seen the final product Kaminari had handed in, so he was as stunned as anyone else when he held up a paper mache sword, grinning to himself as he brandished it proudly.

“It’s made from a lot of old assignments,” he began, pointing out a few grades inked in red that were visible on the surface. “But also stuff like school reports, feedback from my internships, the paperwork we had to fill out for our hero license exams, even my acceptance letter from U.A. is in here!”

“That’s really cool,” Katsuki admitted, cursing himself when he realised the words had slipped out.

“Thank you! You really helped,” Kaminari said, his smile softening a little. “It’s probably not what you imagined, when you said I should connect more, but it got me thinking about all the stuff that goes into being a hero, all the things civilians never see, and the way classes and assignments all layer and build on each other to teach us more and more about a subject. And all of that stuff, put together, gives us the strength to be a hero!”

No one seemed to know what to say to that, the room dead silent around them, and Kaminari just laughed, a little more awkwardly this time as he held up a secondary piece of paper.

“I did actually write stuff too,” he assured them. “To kind of explain what this is and how it came to be, so it didn’t just have to stand on its own.”

“That’s so insightful,” Yaoyorozu praised him, eyes wide. “Well done, Kaminari.”

“Thank you!”

Kaminari sat back, still holding his sword proudly, and Katsuki tore his eyes away, back to the grading sheet on his own desk. He’d gotten his A-plus, like he’d hoped he would, but for once, he really hoped Kaminari had gotten one too.

“Any feedback?” Aizawa asked.

The room was silent again, and Katsuki cracked a little smile – even he didn’t have anything to add to that.

“I wrote a poem,” Mina offered, when it was clear no one had feedback to give. “Like Kaminari said, it’s not as full and detailed as Iida’s amazing essay, but I tried to make it feel meaningful, like people could read it and know how it feels to be a hero-in-training?”

“Can we hear it?” Uraraka asked.

“It’s not very good,” Mina said sheepishly. “But yeah, I can read it.”

The whole class listened with rapt attention, and when she finished, her eyes a little watery, Katsuki was the first to start the applause that quickly rippled through them all.

“It really hits home,” Yaoyorozu said, even before Aizawa could prompt them all. “I know I’ve had those moments of doubt, where I think I don’t belong here or I’ve picked the wrong career. You did a really good job of painting that picture.”

“Thank you,” Mina said with a strained smile. “I’m glad it’s not just me.”

“I have them too.”

Katsuki whipped around to look, staring wide-eyed at the impassive, scarred face that had spoken.

“Am I here because I want to be, or because that’s what I’m supposed to do, what I’m expected to do,” Todoroki explained. “Am I even any good at it? Sometimes it’s hard to tell.”

Scattered nods came from around the class, but no more words were spoken, and Katsuki shot Mina a look of understanding when she sank back into her seat with a sigh. She was a braver person than he was, clearly, and he respected the hell out of her for it.

When a few more people had shared their work, and no one else was keen, Aizawa finally moved on to the moment they’d been waiting for. Compared to the massive plastic crates of envelopes he’d hauled out for their internships, the pile he placed on his desk looked miniscule, and Katsuki could feel the tension in the room as they all stared at it.

“From next week onwards, those of you with a Work Studies position will be excused from Saturday classes, to attend your agencies. If they would like you on other days, we can make arrangements for that on an individual basis. Those of you who don’t have a position, we will be doing extra Heroics classes on Saturdays, to learn some of the skills your classmates will be working on at their agencies. There will be chances later in the year to pick up a position again, so this is not your last hope. However, if at any time we deem your classwork grades to no longer be satisfactory, you will be removed from the Work Studies program, and risk not graduating if it goes too far.”

Katsuki swallowed hard. It wasn’t like that was likely, for any of them, let alone him, but the idea alone was traumatising.

“If any of you feel that you are struggling, see me early, so we can arrange tutoring, or a shift in your hours, before the problem gets out of control.”

He walked up and down the rows of desks as he spoke, placing envelopes in front of the students they were addressed to. Katsuki was one of the last, right at the end of his walk, and Aizawa set two envelopes in front of him, each with Bakugou Katsuki printed on the front. He looked up, meeting Aizawa’s eyes in a silent question, but Aizawa just shook his head faintly, moving back to his desk at the front of the room.

Aizawa was still talking, when Katsuki tore open his first envelope, but he tuned most of it out – it was largely focussed on the people who didn’t have an offer, so he had plenty of time to see who had deigned to offer him a spot. Had Ephia decided to let him cash in the favour she proclaimed to owe him? Had Trax wanted him back for some more fun on her late-night patrols?

Instead, when he unfolded the letter, he found a logo he hadn’t expected in a thousand years. Hawks was willing to take him? He’d barely even met the guy. Though, he supposed, Hawks was close with Deku, and he had kind of joked about it at the gala? Still, that was a nice surprise.

The second one was somehow just as shocking, but not shocking at all – Miruko’s bold letterhead jumped out at him immediately, and he cracked a smile when he saw it. She’d taken pity on him after all, like she’d said she would, and he hadn’t even had to beg.

Maybe there was some hope for him after all.

He tried to hold on to that thought, when everyone was dismissed, especially when he saw the looks of dismay on so many faces. Here he was, lamenting that he got two offers that weren’t from Deku, while the vast majority of his class had gotten nothing. He was such an asshole, sometimes.

“Who are they from?” Kirishima asked, slinging an arm around Katsuki’s shoulders boldly.

“Miruko and Hawks.”

“Hawks?!” Kirishima demanded. “He only takes birds!”

“He’s friends with Deku.”

“You got an offer from Hawks?” Kaminari demanded, hurrying over to join the gossip session. “I swear you get the coolest offers every time!”

Despite the complaint, he didn’t really seem to begrudge Katsuki the offers. Part of Katsuki was a little relieved by that, but mostly he just felt guilty anyway.

“It’s really cool,” Katsuki agreed quietly, when more faces turned his way. “I’m… really grateful to them both.”

Mina shot him a sympathetic look, and he took the opportunity to flip it on her, forcing an unconvincing smirk as he pointed at the letter in her hand.

“Guess you did alright, then?” he prompted.

“I guess so,” she said with a chuckle. “Ryukyu offered to keep me on.”

“Damn right she did.”

“Hell yeah!” Kirishima agreed. “You deserve it, Mina!”

“Are you staying with Fourth Kind?”

“Yeah!”

Despite their little cluster of offers, Katsuki noticed just how many empty hands there were as they walked back to the dorms – Sero’s included, but not Kaminari’s, even though they’d essentially been working together. He didn’t dare to ask.

“You guys still keen for movie night tonight?” Kirishima asked, quickly changing the subject. “I know, I know, after homework, Bakubro.”

Their little crew chorused their excitement and agreement, and Katsuki conceded a nod – if he was gonna be back at school with his friends, he supposed he should make the most of it.

─────

“It uh, resonated with me,” Katsuki admitted. “When you read that bit about like, being stuck on a treadmill, trying to catch up but just staying still? That part really hit me.”

“You're just saying that.” Mina scoffed, doubtful. “You’re the one who’s always ahead of the rest of us.”

“I’m not really,” Katsuki admitted, pulling a face. “I talk a bigger game than I dish out.”

“I’ve seen you fight.”

Katsuki shrugged awkwardly, looking away as he tried his best to find the right words.

“But it’s like the villains just keep coming, right? Every time one gets taken down, there’s another one waiting, and we just have to keep fighting and fighting, improving and doing better each time, and just hoping the villains don’t improve faster than we do.”

“Oh.” The word came out a little breathless, and Katsuki didn’t dare to look over. “Yeah.”

“It’s like we all just have this eternal struggle going on and on forever, we’re just trying not to trip and get flung off that treadmill.”

“Maybe you do get it.”

Katsuki finally looked over, finding a wry smile waiting for him, and punched her in the shoulder.

“Shut up, you know I don’t say this shit easily.”

“I know, I appreciate it. Um, how did your project go, anyway? I know you handed it in early, but you didn’t tell me much beyond that.”

“It was good,” Katsuki said softly, smiling to himself. “Aizawa seemed to really like it, and I got pretty attached to it in the end, so I was glad he got it.”

“Did you write a massive essay?”

“No, I made a video.”

“A video?”

“Yeah,” Katsuki said with a shrug. “I had a bunch of random footage from my time at Deku’s, and it felt better to use that than to try to put it all in words.”

“If you ever decide you’d like to share, I’d love to see it.”

“Yeah.” Katsuki said again, sitting down to stretch out his feet. “I will, when it’s… a little less raw.”

“I look forward to it.”

Mina seemed to have a knack for just getting him, these days. Whatever he said, she accepted and understood, so he never had to force out any more awkward words to explain himself. It was so peaceful, so easy. Kirishima had been his closest friend since he’d started high school, yet lately it was only Mina who seemed to understand his brain.

“Thanks,” he said quietly, when they began to gather their stuff to head back to the dorms.

“No need!” she grinned. “I have fun doing it, I’m glad we keep doing this!”

“Not for the ballet,” Katsuki clarified.

“Oh.” Mina paused, then smiled again, a little warmer. “Then thank you, too.”

He punched her again, a lot more gently this time, and she laughed as she shoved him back, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

“Time for movie night?”

“Fuck off, what a waste of time. Time for homework and dinner.”

“And then?” she asked knowingly, shooting him a grin as she picked up her shoes.

“And then fucking movie night, shut the hell up.”

“Love you too, Blasty.”

[Chapter 21]