A Massive Pain In The Ass - 1/6 [Little Sh*t Part 10]

Katsuki wasn’t sure what was going on, but he did know that whoever this “Class B” was, he didn’t like them. He’d woken up to a bunch of adults blabbering on about them, about how they’d messed something up, and they all kept looking at him like he’d done something weird or wrong.

Katsuki never did anything wrong.

And all of that annoyance was not including the lumpy little creature sitting before him, with a mop of green curls and chubby cheeks, apparently enthralled by attempting to stuff his fat hand in his drooly little mouth.

“Li’l Bakubro!”

The voice was way too loud, and immediately followed by two big hands hauling him up off the ground, drawing a squawk out of him that was definitely indignant and not scared.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to give you a fright!” the man apologised, turning Katsuki around in his grip to give him a good look at spiky red hair and sharp teeth. “You remember me?”

He looked familiar, but Katsuki had no idea why. Not that he could ever actually say that.

“Course I do,” Katsuki huffed, squirming in the hope of freeing himself. “I’m not a baby, I remember things.”

“Yeah? Good!” he set Katsuki down finally, and Katsuki quickly took a step back, keeping a wary eye on those grabby hands. “How’s your baby wife doing?”

“My what?”

“C’mere, little guy!”

The man turned his attention to the fat squishy blob with a soggy fist, scooping him up, and the idiot burbled and chirped excitedly in return. Stupid little thing liked to be held, weirdo.

“Hey little Izuku, how are you doing?” the man cooed. “You remember me? I’m Kirishima! Can you say Ki-ri?”

“Ooooob!”

“Good try, buddy!”

“Why are you calling him that?” Katsuki scowled. “That’s not Izuku, it’s just some stupid baby.”

“Baby Izuku!” Kirishima laughed. “Don’t you recognise him? It’s the freckles, right? He doesn’t look like himself without them!”

“Izuku is big like me,” Katsuki huffed. “That’s not Izuku, dummy.”

“Oh! No one has explained to you yet, huh? Come sit down, Li’l Baku.”

“My name is Kacchan.”

“Sorry! Kacchan it is! Now come have a seat with me, Kacchan.”

Katsuki eyed him warily, but followed him to the sofa all the same, keeping as much distance from those stupid hands and the stinky baby as possible. The baby – who was decidedly not Izuku – just continued making dumb noises, wiggling its hands at Katsuki happily with big green eyes blinking up at him, full of curiosity.

“So normally, you’re a lot older, like me!” Kirishima explained. “We’re in the same class! Here at UA High School, that is. We’re in the dorms right now.”

“I know that,” Katsuki lied – Kirishima and his stupid hair didn’t need to know how confused he was. “But Izuku is the same age as me.”

“Usually, yeah! He’s in our class too!”

“Oh. I mean, yeah! I know!”

Kirishima grinned, ruffling the baby’s hair.

“The villain who turned you small turned your Izuku even smaller. In a few days things will go back to normal, but for now, you’re a lot bigger than him!”

“Hmmm,” Katsuki hummed, watchingthe fat baby that still stared at him in awe. “Really? You’re Izuku?”

“Baaaaaa!”

“No way, you’re too small.”

“Moooooo!”

“You’re not big, I’m big.”

“Maaaaa!”

“Stupid baby, you’re tiny.”

“I think he’s just making animal noises, Kacchan. Are you copying the animals, Li’l Izuku?”

“Don’t be stupid, you’re just not listening right.”

Kirishima blinked at him, but Katsuki was more interested in studying the lumpy baby, searching out those little signs that maybe it really was Izuku – his best friend, his future wife. The hair was the right colour, he supposed that was true, and the eyes were just as big and shiny as he remembered.

Okay, maybe it could be Izuku. Or maybe his mom had popped out another baby. Katsuki had recently learned how that worked, and he was not impressed.

“Alright, fine,” he conceded. “You’re a fat little Izuku. Unless the big one shows up and says you’re not, or something.”

“Eee!”

Izuku wiggled his hands determinedly, but Katsuki shook his head, leaning away even though Izuku couldn’t reach him regardless.

“Not when you’ve got drool all over you, dummy.”

Kirishima laughed, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and wiping Izuku’s little hands with it, leaning over to see the pouty little face before he wiped that too for good measure.

“All better now!” Kirishima said fondly. “You wanna give your Kacchan a hug?”

“Eeeuuu!”

“Fine, c’mere,” Katsuki caved, opening his arms. “Dumb clingy nerd baby.”

Kirishima handed him over, setting him carefully in Katsuki’s lap, and Izuku cooed happily, waving his hands at Katsuki’s face.

“Just make sure you support him,” Kirishima instructed. “He’s not very good at holding his own head up, so you should help him out.”

“I know that, stinky hair.”

“Okay,” Kirishima chuckled. “Good job, he looks really happy!”

“Duh, he’s with me.”

Izuku cooed happily, and Katsuki held him a little tighter. It was all kind of scary, being somewhere unfamiliar, with people he didn’t know – scary for Izuku, that is. Katsuki wasn’t scared of anything.

Even so, it was kind of nice to have Izuku there with him – tiny and blobby as he was.

“Fine,” Katsuki said again. “So I just gotta take care of him ‘til he turns back?”

“You don’t have to take care of him!” Kirishima assured him. “This has happened a bunch before, and you and Izuku always took really good care of us and each other, so it’s our turn to take care of you, this time!”

“I don’t need taking care of!”

“I know, buddy, but the law says you’re too young. Still a few more years until you’re allowed to be home alone.”

“Hmph.”

Katsuki pouted, and Izuku’s little hand reached for him, trying to snatch the frown from his lips with a stubborn gurgle.

“Okay, okay,” he grumbled, pushing the floppy hand away gently. “I get it.”

“It normally only lasts a day or two,” Kirishima continued. “We usually get Yaoyorozu to help make us stuff, like clothes that fit, and toys to play with, but uhh...”

He trailed off, glancing over his shoulder, and Katsuki looked up to see two more kids behind them,  sitting either side of a bright pink lady.

“That’s Mina,” Kirishima explained, ignoring the way Katsuki opened his mouth to insist he already knew. “Yaoyorozu and Uraraka got hit by the quirk too, when you did, so she’s taking care of them. Hagakure is off somewhere with Tsuyu, she had some... unique experiences with being turned into a kid.”

“Unique?”

“Well, her quirk is that she’s like a frog-human, so...”

Katsuki screwed up his face. He didn’t know much about frogs, but he couldn’t say that.

“She’s sort of more tadpole than baby?” Kirishima offered. “So the teachers and stuff are keeping a closer eye on her, and Hagakure offered to help. I said I’d stay with you guys for now, but Shouto is gonna come help out soon, and Kaminari and Sero will come play when you get bored!”

The pink lady – Mina? – was reading a book to the two girls, who both looked about Katsuki’s age. Honestly, he was kinda jealous – he liked stories too. Where was his story?

Before he could open his mouth to complain, a man with red and white hair came through the door, and Katsuki narrowed his eyes. The man looked weirdly familiar – so did a lot of things, but him especially. What was so special about him?

“Hello,” he said awkwardly, when he felt Katsuki’s eyes burning into him. “I’m Shouto.”

“I’m Shouto. Todowoki Shouto.”

“Fire and Ice,” Katsuki said, before he’d even realised he was speaking.

Inexplicably, Shouto smiled. Katsuki wasn’t sure why that stuck out to him so much, but it felt insanely weird to see it.

“You remember some stuff?” Shouto asked. “I wasn’t sure, since you’re younger than last time.”

“They seem to retain stuff each time,” Kirishima nodded. “We just keep learning more about this quirk, huh?”

“Yes,” Shouto nodded, sitting down between Kirishima and Katsuki. “I’ve just been talking with the teachers about it too.”

“Oh? Anything new?”

“He wouldn’t talk in custody, but he laughed when they said it wore off within a few days, so I guess there’s more to it than that. And we obviously learned that the longer he can use the quirk, the younger they turn. Look at Midoriya, after all.”

“Boooooo!”

“You’re a chunky little blob, of course they’re talking about you,” Katsuki snorted. “Get over it.”

“Hello Midoriya, it’s good to see you.”

“Awawa.”

“I know, he looks weird.”

“Gaa!”

“They don’t understand you, dumb-dumb.”

“Duh-duh.”

“No you’re the dumb-dumb.”

“Duuuuu.”

“Don’t call me names or I won’t hold your head.”

“Buhwuh.”

“Better.”

“Aizawa gave me his credit card,” Shouto continued, not bothering to question the baby babble. “Since Yaoyorozu can’t make things for us, he said to go get them some clothes and diapers for the next few days.”

Katsuki looked down. He’d known since he woke up that his own clothes were too big, his shorts barely staying up and his cool All Might shirt hanging off him like a dress. He hadn’t noticed Izuku, though, with what looked like a hand towel wrapped between his legs, his t-shirt even baggier than Katsuki’s.

“Preferably before any of the toddlers have an accident,” Aizawa added, appearing in the doorway to lean against the frame. “Make sure you get some ofthe overnight kind, too. It might be a few days, with the extent of this damage. Bakugou, how old are you?”

“Kacchan?” Kirishima prompted, when Katsuki didn’t answer. “He means you.”

“I’m three,” Katsuki frowned. “I don’t wear diapers, I wear big boy pants.”

“Of course,” Aizawa agreed. “But at night-”

“No!” Katsuki cut him off stubbornly. “I use the big toilet because I’m a big boy!”

“Okay,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “But if you have an accident-”

“I don’t have accidents!”

“Plastic sheet,” Shouto mumbled. “I’ll sort it.”

“Thank you, Todoroki.”

“Kirishima, are you okay to take care of them while I go buy some supplies?” Shouto asked. “Or would you prefer to do the shopping?”

“I wanna go!” Katsuki huffed. “I’m a big boy, I choose my clothes!”

“Me too!” the round-faced girl piped up from the corner. “Wanna choose clothes!”

“Looks like we’re taking a group trip to the mall.”

“Are you sure you can manage that?” Aizawa asked, eyeing the little crowd of kids.

“Yeah, we’ve got this Sensei! We’ve done worse! Remember Shinsou?”

“Point taken. Call me if there are any issues.”

“We will!”

Aizawa nodded, leaving them to it, and Shouto held up a folded piece of paper.

“He wrote me a list, anyway,” he explained. “I think he’s a little stressed.”

“Can you blame him?”

“No, not at all.”

“Alright, Kacchan! You ready to go pick some clothes? You might have to help choose some for Izuku, too!”

“I’ll choose him something cool.”

“Awesome!”

“Come on, Izuku, I’ll carry you to the clothes shop.”

“Uhhh, how about you let me do that, Kacchan?” Kirishima suggested. “It’s a long walk to carry someone.”

“I can do it, I’m big!”

“I know, buddy, but you’re not that big.”

“I can do it!”

“I’m sure you could, but it’ll make it hard to see, to pick cool clothes and stuff, right?”

“Hmm... But he can’t walk.”

“I can carry him for you. Or Shouto can.”

“But he’s my wife.”

“You don’t have to be married to carry someone, I promise.”

“Fine. I guess you can carry him. But you better not drop him!”

“I won’t, you can count on me!”

Katsuki suspected that Kirishima quickly started to regret the decision, considering the way he and Shouto began to speak in hushed voices within five minutes of leaving the dorms. The girls seemed perfectly happy, one holding each of Mina’s hands, but Izuku was already whining, and Shouto stayed so close to Katsuki’s feet that he was pretty sure he would trip over them before they made it to the store.

“Baku- Uh, Katsu- Kacchan?” Shouto began – the most awkward thing Katsuki had ever heard. “We need to cross the road now, so-”

Katsuki reached for him knowingly, and Shouto’s eyes widened when their hands touched, Katsuki’s slipping into Shouto’s annoyingly big grip. His hand was pleasantly warm, at least, even if it didn’t seem to know how to hold him properly.

“Were we both small?” he asked, when the silence got awkward. “You guys said I remember stuff from last time.”

“We were,” Shouto nodded. “I don’t remember it now, but I have photos. We went to a theme park.”

“Correction,” Kirishima interjected, grinning. “Kacchan took you to a theme park, so you could eat all the hero-themed food, and take photos with the guy in an All Might costume even though the real All Might was on school grounds.”

“I just like roller coasters,” Katsuki mumbled, blushing.

“Have you ever been on one?”

Katsuki paused, eyebrows knitting together. He didn’t remember going on one – he wasn’t even sure he knew exactly what they were, but somehow the words had come out of his mouth without even thinking about it.

“Don’t worry about it,” Shouto said knowingly. “The quirk is weird sometimes.”

“I don’t like not remembering.”

“I know, it sucks.”

“I’ll remember later, right?”

“Not what happens now, but everything else.”

“Okay.”

Katsuki didn’t let go when they reached the other side of the street, and Shouto didn’t make him. In fact, over time, he even got a little less awkward about it. Katsuki was teaching him something after all.

“Aizawa-sensei said we’re not gonna have classes for a couple of days,” Shouto told them, as the massive mall building came into view. “With so many people affected by the quirk this time, it makes more sense to take a few days off. Principal Nedzu wanted to send all the kids home and run classes without them, but Aizawa-sensei and the others are worried about our safety I guess.”

“Well, we do have a habit of pissing this guy off,” Kirishima shrugged. “Pays to be safe and all.”

“I can take care of myself!” Katsuki huffed. “I don’t need to be safe!”

“Oh you can, huh?” Shouto asked, voice flat. “Let’s see.”

As easily as if Katsuki had been a big cat, or a particularly unruly pillow, Shouto scooped him up, holding him up above his head. No matter how Katsuki struggled and complained and tugged at Shouto’s fingers, they didn’t budge, and Shouto just watched him impassively until he finally fell still.

“Too small,” Shouto said needlessly, as he set a tired Katsuki back on his tiny feet. “Maybe when you’re big again.”

“I’m not small! Izuku is small!”

“You’re small, he’s tiny.”

“Hmph. I’m bigger than them!”

He pointed stubbornly at the girls trailing behind, and while one only blinked at him slowly, the other puffed out her pink cheeks indignantly.

“You’re not!” she huffed. “I’m big too!”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Uh-huh!”

“You’re both equally big,” Mina said placatingly. “Look, there’s the door! Time to go shopping!”

“Aizawa-sensei says we need high chairs, where do we buy those? We can probably just get one and they can take turns using it – three seems like a lot even for us. Step stools for the bathroom and stuff. A baby futon for Midoriya, at least. Baby bedding. Bibs and clothes. Kacchan, you don’t need a bib, right?”

“No! Or a high chair! I’m a big boy!”

“When do kids stop using high chairs?”

“Dude, I have no clue,” Kirishima snorted. “Look it up.”

“Ochako-chan, do you use a high chair to eat?” Mina asked sweetly.

“I eat on the floor!”

“Oh! That’s smart too!”

“Can’t trap them on the floor,” Kirishima grinned, looking pointedly at Katsuki.

“I can get out of a high chair, dummy. They’re too small for me anyway! I’m big!”

“Internet says most toddlers stop by age three,” Shouto offered, staring at his phone screen. “But start about six months, is Izuku over six months?”

“See! Not three!”

“Okay, no high chair,” Kirishima agreed. “Just one for Izuku, I bet he’s older than that!”

“He can’t sit up on his own,” Shouto pointed out. “Not without falling over, anyway.”

“But no one can do that until they’re like two, right?”

“Uh... No. About six months.”

“Oh. We are... not prepared for babies, are we?”

“Not at all.”

“I’ll take care of him,” Katsuki insisted, reaching his free hand toward Izuku’s gurgling form. “I can do it.”

“I’m sure you can,” Kirishima agreed. “But let’s do our shopping first, yeah?”

“Fine, I guess so.”

“Cool, let’s go find some cool clothes for you, then! Maybe we can find you an All Might shirt that fits.”

Katsuki didn’t answer, but his face lit up at the prospect, and even Shouto couldn’t resist a little smile at him. He was kind of cute when he wasn’t being a massive pain in the ass.

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