Happy Pride Month!

A year ago I wrote this post to start off pride month, and it was one of the hardest things I've done - I knew there were going to be people who didn't accept it, people who refused, people who got it wrong or made bad assumptions, but I also knew that there would be people who supported me and embraced me for who I am. I thought for this month, I would write a little update, for anyone who might be curious about how it's going!

Going in, I felt like I wouldn't fully belong in the NB community. I don't fit the typical androgynous image that people imagine when they think of NB people, and I fully expected it to be something I did online and never spoke about in my daily life. I knew most of the fandom would be great (and they have been) and that the people I cared about would do their best (they have gone above and beyond expectations) but I also felt a little like an imposter - I was going into this new world acting as if I was so confident in the decision, when in reality, I had no idea how it would go, how I would feel about it, or even if I'd still feel like the NB label fit me in a week or a month's time.

Unexpectedly, I felt like it fit right away. I know that's not the case for a lot of people, so I feel super lucky. Obviously I'd been trying it out slowly before I officially said anything, and had decided I wanted to try it more officially, but as soon as it become public knowledge, as soon as the vast majority started using they/them for me, I knew it was the right choice. It seems to be a common theme in my life, where I learn about a new label, slowly dip my toes into it, and then all at once go "oh, yeah, that fits way better than the last one".

Last December I started a new job, and all I can say is "wow". The company who owns our business is very vocal about embracing diversity, and my particular building seems to be an absolute hub for queer people. As in, there are more queer people working with me than straight people. 

And I love it.

It took about a month before I initially brought it up, when a coworker who I spent a lot of time with said something about pronouns and I went "oh cool while we're on the subject..." and she was super cool about it! She even apologised for assuming instead of asking, said it's something she needs to work on, and in future she's gonna try to be more conscious of asking people when they first meet! She's moved on to another job now, but I actually saw her last week and we had a nice chat to catch up! 

I also suspected pretty quickly that one of my colleagues was NB, so the first time we were alone in a room together (which did take about 6 weeks to happen) I asked what pronouns they use, and they got super excited to be asked. When they said "they/them" I said "oh cool, same" and we proceeded to have a long conversation about which coworkers were accepting/safe to tell and which didn't quite get it. The list of safe people was pretty long, which was super nice to hear! So over the next few weeks I mentioned it to a few more people, found out another one of our coworkers is NB as well (they gave me fingerguns and we're best friends now, they always stop by to hang out and chat when my area is slow) along with our huge range of gay/bi/lesbian/demi cohorts. It's probably the first building I've ever stepped into where I can say "I'm Ace" and know that at least half the people in the room will understand what that means.

Our managers (who are older) are still not very good at it, but they do support us 100%, as evidenced by an interviewee not being hired when they found out she was transphobic, and a man in the process of being fired atm because he went on a whole anti-NB tirade to one of my coworkers and the boss found out. One of the managers even tore the gendered signs off our employee bathrooms after I mentioned that it didn't make much sense since they're single-occupancy, added pronouns to her email signature (and encouraged her customer service staff to do the same), and went to the bosses above her and had them pay for new nametags so all our employees could get ones with our pronouns on them, so now I have a visual reminder for people when they talk to me! 

The majority of my coworkers use the correct pronouns for me too, even if they occasionally make mistakes. The only ones who actively don't use them are the ones who I don't think have realised/been told lol. Having three of us there has been extra helpful, since none of us like to correct people on our own ones, but we're all happy to correct people on each other's! It's really nice to know that people support us in general, even if they're not always perfect at it.

There have definitely been people online as well who don't get it and refuse to try, I've had experiences with a few people who adamantly refuse and deliberately use the wrong ones constantly (they all got blocked very quickly). Compared to the number of people who get it right though, or at least make an effort, they really pale in comparison.

For pretty much the first time in my life I've started buying pride merch, too. I'd never been much of that type of person, had never been the one who waved flags and marched in parades, but finally having labels that fit so well has made me much more inclined to buy a few things - a keychain here, some stickers there, a couple of cool pairs of shoelaces in the corner. 

There are still parts of my life where I have to use the wrong pronouns, either because I know the people involved won't get it, or because of certain terminology that I don't have a good gender-neutral replacement for, and I know things will never be 100% perfect, but they are getting better, and the fact that I can be myself for such a large portion of my daily life has been a really, really nice experience. I certainly don't plan on changing jobs any time soon!

To everyone here who supported me over the past year, thank you, it means the world to me that I have a space where I can be myself.