Furious Little Thing
Added 2022-02-09 00:28:01 +0000 UTCI'm not sure what the best way to provide content warnings for patreon is, but I'll do my best!
CW: Scarring, self-harm mention
When you're trans and you're creating art, and you're *seeing* art, sometimes visual tropes begin to chafe.
I say all I feel with the understanding that what is empowering for some people is decidedly not empowering, and sometimes even harmful, to others. As more and more artists have begun to explore the inclusion of top-surgery scars in their artwork, there's more and more aesthetically beautiful scars, or scars so flawless they're more like subtle shadows than an acknowledgement of healed, invasive, traumatic surgery. That's okay! That's wonderful! But sometimes I want to see dog-ears. I want to see botched scars. I want to acknowledge the diversity of trans bodies, of bodies in general.
As I developed Kolya, and as I stumbled through my own identity, I got exhausted of pretty, surrealist scars. Olive branches. Stars. Flower Petals. I had a character who was erratic and angry and so out of sync with his own body, in a fantasy setting that could, if I wanted, afford me miracle body changing. But I wanted visceral scarring. It'd obviously never be possible to perform your own mastectomy, but in a fantasy setting with healing and potions and draconic weapons, I wanted to externalize Kolya's power, his frustration, and his failure to seek help in the form of his mastectomy scarring.
His scars are inspired and referenced from the sort of mastectomy scars we see in cancer prevention and treatment, as well as the ragged sort of scars we see from shark attacks and knife wounds.
I know drawing his scars in this fashion makes people uncomfortable with the visual, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't get frustrated whenever I felt like I needed to draw pretty patterned scars for the sake of engagement.
This sketch is a study from the Cabanel piece Fallen Angel that everyone loves to do their own version of.
