DerekVasconi

DerekVasconi

Take Everything You Want. I want you to

Added 2019-03-24 21:31:14 +0000 UTC

Hello everybody! New Blog post on my website. Password for the entry is below. I hope you'll take time to read it and give me your thoughts. It's my rawest and most bare naked yet about what's been happening to me. Plus, a few stories from the idol world, including my experience with Kaqriyo Terror Architect and in particular, Nonamera, and also my bucket list of goals for this year and the years to come. I also wonder about the loneliness in my life, and I finally talk a little about what's happened to me that I've been dropping hints about regarding the big and terrible thing that's occurred to me since coming to Japan. Please... any thoughts would be appreciated. I also love all of you for giving me help and supporting me here on Patreon. I hope to give you much more to support in the future!

Speaking of what I should write here, I'm also looking for your thoughts on what to do with Patreon... how to make it more fun for you as my supporters... what do you want to see here? What do you want to ask me or talk to me about? Let me know. I'm open to considering any ideas! Thanks so much and I hope to hear from you soon!

LINK: http://www.derekvasconi.com/personal-thoughts/they-get-what-they-want-but-they-never-want-it-again-go-on-take-everything-i-want-you-to/

Password: maisonbookgirl22

Take Everything You Want. I want you to

Comments

Verbal dogshit. Check! LOOOOL. I appreciate everything you write and you know we will be sharing a few beers soon. See you in a few months friend. And thank you for being by far the biggest supporter of my dreams so far in years. It means everything to me. First beer is on me!

2019-03-27 05:48:23 +0000 UTC

Thank you for sharing your thoughts about my writing. This made me smile... yes, loss of sanity is perfectly put! I feel like everyday I'm living in crazy world. Working with idols... it's not your typical 9 to 5, but it's so fantastical that you have a hard time sometimes knowing what's real or what isn't, because the whole idea of idol is predicated on pure fantasy for consumers. And a part of me wants to be the one performing and on stage... I was so used to being a performer my whole life, not being the guy who is helping others be creative and helping creators. I guess it all is symbiotic though, and that's why I do it. I don't mind being humbled at this point... my time is coming. I feel it. I just have to get out what I need to get out. And when I do, and I'm being creative... I promise you the world has not seen what is in my mind, and that's why I keep pushing forward... I know what I have to share is important. I feel it in my heart. I know it is. But getting it out... I never intended life to throw me so many curveballs and strike me out so many times when I was and am up to bat. I really didn't expect to come to Japan and lose access to my daughter. I didn't expect to come to Japan and have to UNLEARN everything about being a Westerner, right down to how I form fucking sentences! And I definitely, definitely did not expect to be at this point in my life struggling to pay bills or just stay afloat. I really wish there were funds for creative types like myself, but... you know how that goes. I have been blessed to know some people who have cash and have helped and this Patreon proves to me I can still receive something from people, so I am not complaining at all, not even a little, but I need more. And if just somebody out there would believe in me who also has a fat wallet... then life would be pushed forward in a big way for me. I could create the way I was intended. That kind of feels like I think I'm entitled to this magical money, but I assure I'm not. I've fought for every inch of my funds, and I'm grateful as well. Entitled people aren't grateful, so I know that I'm not entitled in my heart. I am DEEPLY grateful for anyone's help. Like yours. Thank you thank you thank you! I mean that, truly. And I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me. Especially. Thank beyond words. It means everything to me. I hope you'll keep staying here with me, keeping watch. Much love.

2019-03-27 05:47:33 +0000 UTC

Mike... thank you so so much. I see your tweets and know you are having a rough time too with things. I really hope whatever is hitting at your heart, you will endure it. I know that confiding in people helps, as it does with me doing this sort of thing here on Patreon. I do hope to share everything I'm doing with you and those who come here. Thank you so so much for telling me this and giving me some confidence. Your words help me. They heal me. And I mean that. I will keep kicking ass... it's all I can do at this point. I really want to keep moving forward.

2019-03-27 05:42:20 +0000 UTC

Thank's for sharing the ups and downs of your life. The raw writing is much more interesting than a regular polished account of what has happened or what will hopefully happen. I wouldn't write anything like that myself because I haven't got the writing skills to make it interesting or to avoid it sounding cringy. I may not sound like it to the casual bypasser, but there are some "profound" thoughts in my head that will only be shared in person though. A beer or two will also help - that will hopefully be happening in the future. BTW. "My words are verbal dogshit" - You should have that line on the cover of every book you write, that would create a buzz.

2019-03-25 14:51:09 +0000 UTC

I relate to so much of this. We all really appreciate raw posts like these because so much of this is felt by many of us as well. Sometimes I wonder if I spent my time over there as best as I possibly could have. I'm still looking for that answer, but seeing the effort from creative souls like you in writing about such things with raw emotion and passion, I feel my own question is closer and closer to being answered. Those who are creative types are born into this world differently from others. It's a privilege, but it comes at a cost, and that cost is the loss of sanity. We're the source of material consumed, but not always acknowledged... the interpreters of the entities in this world that cannot be seen or heard by the naked eye or ear. The value of creative endeavors should be placed in the eye of the creator, and creators alike. Sadly in today's context, the fruition of creative endeavors is measured in the arbitrariness of numbers. That's just the sad truth. But there will always be others that see the value embedded in your works. Work your ass off for those individuals. Because sometimes that's all you can do to keep yourself going. It may be hard to accomplish the things you want to do without sufficient monetary means, but always try to remember that the number one scarcity in our lives is time. Keep on going and doing the great things you are doing now. Do it until it eats you from the inside out. Because sometimes that's the only way in order to reach the goals you wish to attain. If I had all the money in the world, i'd put it in an IV and inject it right into your bloodstream. Oh and the AV idea would be really insightful! I feel it would also check enough boxes to get a general audience watching. Looking forward to your next post. Thanks again for sharing.

2019-03-25 00:07:52 +0000 UTC

i really feel you on the loneliness, the way you describe what you are feeling regarding it is like a 1:1 mirror to my situation. it's so tough when you don't really have anyone to talk to, and are always either out working to pay the bills or sitting alone with your thoughts. thank you for sharing as much as you do, and for confiding in us with these posts. i'm really looking forward to the documentary, no matter what form it ends up taking, as well as every other project you hope to share with the world. keep kicking ass, you are appreciated ♡

2019-03-24 22:40:57 +0000 UTC

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