Chi-(is my)- hiro

Monday started off like a Monday... you know, every fucking thing going wrong that could go wrong. 

The space I wanted to rent in Ikebukuro to do the interviews pulled some bullshit with me and said they couldn't rent the room that I reserved anymore because it had already been rented. Though it wasn't last night when I reserved it. So they are lying. Or Space Market somehow is broke. Or somebody didn't do their fucking job. So they gave me a shitty, office room with no backgrounds or nothing and windows with bad lighting that had no curtain or cover.

Fucking awesome.

I wasn't even sure I was going to have the room at the time I wanted because the email they sent was super confusing... but eventually, that got worked out.

Then, my translator, Ann, had lost her phone in Thailand over the past week. She was there on business/vacation. So I had to use email and she was in the wrong place for meeting me... so the email thing... yeah, didn't work out that well. I had my heart drop in my ass and spurt out into my underwear because I had horrible flashbacks of hiring this horrible bitch translator last year for something and she ditched me seconds before I had a meeting where I needed her. But Ann isn't like that and I should have known better to even think that... she's a solid bro, through and through, and just amazing and professional. It was just my choice of an exit was fucked up. 

The exit also fucked up the record label executives who I met with. They, too, went to the wrong place and were late. Awesome. 

The good news is that, after this, for the most part, everything else went well. The meeting with the record company resulted in them agreeing to giving me their entire idol roster to represent on Idol Underworld. After they left, the next producer guy I was meeting who represents a larger idol unit than what I'm usually dealing with... yeah, he was a half hour late. I understood why he was late and don't hold it against him. He's basically like every producer in idol who is important... they never have a second to spare. Ricky is like the poster child for this... so I have come to be very sympathetic to producers with alway-late-itis. It's not a problem at all. And I like this producer a lot. He's just a smooth kat. Like... I dunno... he just knows his shit. And he basically asked all the right questions about everything I was offering him, which was his group's inclusion on Idol Underworld, a documentary appearance for one of his members or even all of them, and possibly even a photobook for one of the members, as well as a tour outside of Japan. It was a lot of talking and going back and forth, but I think it went really well. So... seems like things are going the direction they need to go with Idol Underworld. Go Go Go!

After this, I was late for the first interview, which was with a prominent Necroma fan who is a big Rei Oshi. He's also kind of DD, so he's a good guy to talk to about idols and idol life. He gave me one of the best interviews ever... and one of the longest, at nearly two hours. It was intense but really incredible, the many things he said and commented on. I think I did okay with the recording... there wasn't much I could work with. Thank God for that aperture softbox light I have... it saved the room from suffering all the light issues thanks to the sun going down as I was doing the interview. I mean... still is going to need some serious color grading and editing in post, but I think it will be okay.

May I just comment really quickly about Idol Underworld... I've went to many groups and so far, many of them have agreed to be on Idol Underworld. It's awesome. But some of the groups I've reached out to... nothing. No emails, no anything. Just friendly smiles to my faces and then ignoring me or being so busy, I guess, they don't see how valuable the service is that I'm offering them. I don't get it. I'm giving them stacks of yen on a golden website platter and they just don't see it, or maybe they don't want to be on a site with lesser groups than who they want to be associated with, or maybe they don't want to work with me? Or whatever... but, I think it's just kind of disappointing to me. Maybe they'll come around eventually. Maybe they will never come around. It is not stopping me though. Not anytime soon.

The final interview tonight was with Chihiro, the leader of the trio known as Merry Bad End. Chihiro is incredibly honest and vulnerable and open about herself. She wasted NO time in the interview getting super heavy and super emotional about her life. I don't blame her though. I asked her some deep questions and they touched a few billion heart nerves. Her story... maaaaan, it's rough. She's been through some serious shit. And she's still going through some serious shit. I feel so awful about her life situation, but she's also strong and she didn't let what's happening to her keep her down. She became an idol and she finds her strength in music and what she's doing now to try to keep grinding onwards in her life. Her family life though... I dunno. Watch the documentary and you'll see just how much this girl has fought and fought and she's still fighting. 

As many of you know who read these posts, I can deeply relate. 

I feel like I want to put Chihiro right in the center of the documentary. It's a surprise development, but... she's completely open and wants to put her life out there. Her producer is a friend of mine and seems to be okay with this as well, so we'll see moving forward if that happens. I hope it does. I want to know more about Chihiro and know more about her life and what she is doing with her life. I think it will be great to connect more with her about her life situation too... I know exactly the painful situation she's in, and it fucked me up in life. I just can't believe she didn't give up... she almost did, but here she is. I love her story, and I think you will too. 

You know, lately, it's been hard for me. I have had no sleep and didn't eat one thing today until about 11:30 at night. I had two pieces of chicken at the conbini. I am not complaining, because this is my life and I am responsible for taking care of myself. It's just... I checked my bank account yesterday because I needed to withdraw hundreds of yen to pay my translator... and yeah... I will be running out of money in about two weeks. I honestly don't know what to do. Idol Underworld is helping me but I have to spend so much money to get these meeting set up. For example... to go to the meeting is a train ride that today cost me about 9 dollars (to and back to my place).  The meeting I had to buy everybody drinks... that was 25 dollars. Then I had to pay for the room for the interviews... that was 98 dollars. Then Ann... that was like 160 dollars just for today. Oh, and had to take a taxi to get to the space from where I had the meeting (I didn't get to choose the meeting place... that was the producer of the idol group who requested this meeting space... and yeah, it was a place I am not that familiar with). That taxi ride was $8.90. 

Printing up the PDFS to discuss Idol Underworld with the record company executives and the idol producer was about 4.50.

So you can see in just one day how much it cost me to walk out of my apartment door and do what I do. 

And this is nearly every day now. 

I am not trying to make this about money... hearing Chihiro's story, I'm ashamed to feel bad about myself for anything I'm dealing with. But... really, today, on the train, I couldn't even keep my eyes open, and you know, every fucking asshole here in Japan has to run into me while I'm walking with thirty to forty pounds of lighting equipment and my boom mic stand and camera bags.... and I just feel miserable sometimes. Like, happy to be doing what I'm doing, but sad because when I came home tonight.... HER shoes weren't in the genkan. That's what I've been thinking about lately... how nice it would have been to come home to HER tonight and just relax and forget that I am going to be super broke in about a few weeks. SHE never made me think about anything except how wonderful she smelled, how delicious she tasted, how happy her smile and her laugh made me, and her incredible lips and sharp eyes that stared at me when she was getting drunk with me, right before we fucked each other into sleep comas, as was our routine. Well, it was HER routine. I would try to stay awake a little while and kiss her head and just touch her back and her flat stomach and curved hips and legs and just... appreciate the beautiful woman in my bed. I really, really miss HER today. Maybe because I heard Chihiro's story of loss, and it reminded me of what I have lost recently too. 

I'm working on revising my Patreon to make it worth your time to reach those higher tiers. So give me a moment to think about what I can offer all of you. Maybe you guys have ideas? I've asked you all before but didn't quite hear anything from you... so if you can let me know at all what I can do... I would love to listen to your ideas. 

Anything to keep my mind running and not wishing it could recreate the nights of peaceful sleep with the one I loved.