Selfportraits
Added 2024-12-03 09:23:11 +0000 UTCMy one-pointshoot fun last spring (Kentmere Pan 400)/ I will never use this film once more\ By the way, when i shoot myself on film with one point shoot camera, i have super silly mood)
Do you know how to speak the truth without fear and without premature guilt?
I noticed that very often when I need to tell the truth that can offend a person, or push a person away from me, I postpone this moment. The moment of speaking the "truth". I walk, think, formulate, look for the right moment to finally speak it... and still something happens that holds me back. Because right now it's so good and I don't want to spoil everything with my "truth".
And this "truth" that I want to voice or I need to voice is hanging above me like a big balloon with water inside. And I don't seem to see this balloon but I feel it with all my insides. And all the time I'm silent it presses on me.
And now I'm writing this to you, and I understand that I'm keeping myself in this tension instead of allowing myself to exhale. I came up with these feelings myself - they are not logical. This hasn't happened yet and I can't know in advance how a person will react... and I'm already experiencing one of the reaction options in my head, which may not actually happen. And even if the reaction is really the one I've already thought of - it will be easier for me anyway, this process will go faster... And so, I'm kind of mocking myself.
The question is - why am I sabotaging myself? Who taught me these feelings? And at what point did I get hooked on them?
Comments
Your thoughts and honesty again cut through the milieu and speak directly to the human condition. I can’t tell if it’s your photography or your thoughtful introspection which is more impressive. You’re not alone in this reticence to share pressurized information, I believe all of us (except the psycho- and sociopaths) feel this and can relate to what you’ve shared. The luckiest of us find those we can truly be ourselves with and not need to hold back anything for fear of rejection or undo judgement. At some level of self healing or personal attainment, we may move beyond such worries and truly accept who we are and how we got there to the fullest. This is freedom 🫂
Sendrock
2024-12-03 11:45:35 +0000 UTCI like this kind of pictures, where you show the funniest side of you 😊
Giacomo
2024-12-03 10:53:47 +0000 UTCBeautiful work Julia, and I delight in your silliness. :) As for the rest, I relate well. Hate to sound cliche, but as for me, it stems from some family and generational trauma, then compounded by those who I held dear, when I didn’t reconcile my past. It’s a process to heal and grow, perhaps easier for me as I get older and make the time to reflect, execute some decisions, make mistakes, lather, rinse, repeat. And then, just letting things go—at least until 3a when they return to haunt me. :))
Mark Anthony
2024-12-03 10:10:40 +0000 UTC
