PATREON EXCLUSIVE: How To Apply Evolutionary Psychology To A Long Term Relationship

Thank for this video, it puts my mind in the right place looking for the right gold. I was browsing Instagram today and saw a feminist reel and it was pretty toxic, this happens very often lately and I end up wasting precious time explaining my point of view, to very angry females that think I'm the enemy to destroy, when in fact I'm only trying to get them to see things from our point of view, even if for a second. I'm in a happy relationship and that's what I should spend my time into. sometimes I get lost.

Luis Salas Lastra

I've often said that the extent of hypergamy is over-rated. I'm not saying that it does not exist, it's easy to observe that behaviour but in real life you will find that the majority of couples are from similar socio-economic backgrounds and have similar levels of attraction. If it were true that women were solely interested in the top 20% of men, very few women would be in relationships but that's not the case. Internet dating and the modern throwaway culture has made things much worse and I would tell people to avoid the dating market altogether and instead just go out and enjoy life, have hobbies, interact with people, there are lots of lonely people out there, social interaction is a human need. The danger of red pill is that you create a self fulfilling prophecy where these guys concentrate on the wrong kind of women and end up surprised when they turn out to be artificial in exactly the same way as women are behaving with men. I'm not saying you should be naïve about women or let them take you for a ride. You need to find a woman that values you as a man and you need to value her as a woman. I'm also not a fan of the trad-con community either that want men to act like cannon fodder and useful utilities. That's not healthy either. What we need is more of a humanist movement that understands our biology and where our instincts come from but has compassion for each other

Jonathan Lambert

yes, there is healthy dependency and then there is unhealthy dependency. Unhealthy dependency can lead to controlling and insecure behaviour whereas healthy dependency is built on trust

Jonathan Lambert

interestingly, many psychologists now say that "fight or flight" is a masculine response, not feminine. The equivalent in feminine behaviour is "tend or befriend". Of course, there's overlap. Nobody is completely masculine or completely feminine

Jonathan Lambert

This can be summarised by the 3 P's. Provide Preside Protect You provide: financial stability, a listening ear, empathy, intellectual stimulation, emotional connection. You preside. You are the democratic leader she elected you to be. Take initiative. Do the planning on date nights. Make all the small - medium decision on your own like she wants. You protect - she feels safe in your masculine arms, you make cautious decisions that avoid potentially dangerous situations.

Devin Barnes

You've got children?

Captain Slick

I've been thinking about this question for a long time. After a fairly long marriage in a confined environment, high control religion, I divorced, then for the first time learning my SMV, the red pill attraction concepts, masculine feminine polarity. Since I am a very empathic person and have a lot to give socially and emotionally to a relationship it goes against my nature to play that pull back attention game once I really like someone and would like to see where it will go. I'm realizing that once I've been seeing a woman for 5 or 6 months it makes no sense to do that it only makes it seem like I'm withdrawing which doesn't do me well to do that. For me it takes a bit of faith and courage to remain open and communicative at that point. I'm in this situation with a woman right now. Continuing to learn.

Mark Leon

It's not "fight or flight " instinct, but "Freeze, flight, fight" instinct. You can see it when there's unexpected action like someone is knocking on the door or bear in the garden. Your first response isn't flight or fight but freeze where your brain assess what is happening and then acts accordingly (Flight or fight if it's dangerous). (Don't remember in which book I red it (Maybe What Everybody is saying?)

Lukas H

Great point Max! Also, I'd never thought of that "more cynical" motive before. Interesting.

Blair

Nhat-Lam, I'm sure Alex wouldn't disagree with you. ... And yep, there is his reply!

Blair

Kaui, good question. Jennifer thanks for the input!

Blair

Totally agree. ... if it is a high quality girl that has a grip on reality ie self, family and aware of commercialism; if you were going to tell me that this woman will “butter your bread’ and be focused on you as much has her children (because she knows the happier you are the better it will all be) — that would be great. (Vs. the “American woman” - Song. So many friends and men I know and see were never taught “Frame” to “stay out” of let alone “how to get out”of “happy wife happy life syndrome” — so sad.

K M

^Kaia : Its not really as 1 sided as you may think. Both party have their own sacrificial of their instinctual urge when they decided to form a marriage contract, the men stop going around chasing women and the women stop pursuing her Hypergamous instinct. As for what you mentioned " Traditional role ", what you mean is more like " good biological trait " of men / women that has been nurtured by social environment to form a functional, healthy society

Phuc Viet

depend, some states treat these different, some treat as if these are the same, usually " blue states " seems more cucked and pandering to women more than " Red states ".

Phuc Viet

Oh damn I posted a very long message to you Kaia to explain you how there is no contradiction but it's gone. I am really sad right now...

Hugo Matiz

one thing I'm having trouble comprehending is whether your evolutionary biological instincts are "good" or "bad" it seems to take on different interpretations depending on the context. For example women's hypergamy or 'monkey branching' is generally regarded as bad, but the embrace of traditional roles regarded as good? Both are evolutionarily based but not regarded equally. Cognitive dissonance in my eyes. It seems that the application of virtue seems to be dictated by which is most beneficial to the man. How would you go about resolving this issue and making it more consistent?

Kaia

I am not sure where you are but in some countries like NZ. de facto relationships or what is know as civil unions have the same obligations and responsibilities as if the couple was married. This was done to show that de facto was not inferior in anyway to married couples, but it's real motive was more cynical, to provide the state with a means of recouping financial obligations from partners to save itself paying support. However I am aware in the US the two are still treated with differences.

Max

I think that modern couples know they need both incomes for it to work but I wonder whether women actually think unconsciously that the man's income and wealth is more important than their contribution?I think if a man struggles or the couples situation face a downturn, does she unconsciously think about it being entirely his fault? The coronavirus may see financial downturns, affecting many saddled with mortgages and other responsibilities. The reality may be foreclosure for many two income families who could normally manage payments. The man as a plan has never died in spite of the best efforts of feminism to extinguish it. Jonathan Haidt book Religious Minds (2012) attempts to consider the question to what extend we are driven by the unconscious mind against reason using the analogy of a the elephant and the rider. Has mean he has not been popular with feminists who want to deny th book's ramifications that women are influence by factors which have extra-rational basis.

Max

Mate this video was next level. Thank you so much, you’re so intelligent and I’m very grateful to help you make this content in the small way I can.

Oliver

Yeah, when I played that back and heard what I said, it gave me pause. It almost sounded co-dependent. I didn't mean it in such an absolute sense as it came out in the video

Alexander Grace

I would NEVER feel comfortable in a relationship where I was completely dependent on my husband for the exact reason you mention. Stuff happens - men can get hurt, sick, lose their jobs, etc. I am very capable of being independent- I continue to grow and develop it for “just in case scenarios.” That said, I willingly and happily give up most of it to my husband because so far we haven’t really needed to invoke any major “plan B” type of scenario. But having the capability in my back pocket, makes me feel so much more free and open to love him and intentionally, consciously follow his lead. I don’t feel the crippling anxiety that I might end up like many women before me (and I’ve seen a few examples in my own family) who’ve faced immense hardship because they were 100% dependent on the man in their life and were left destroyed when something happened to him.

Roberts Greens 48 laws of power they are not Good or Bad. Using them will give you more power. And how you use it will make it Good or Bad. Also, when in red pill they refer to as Dread they mean "Passive" Dread(You clarified). You don't have to flex your options but she would realize what she has at home(You) and whats available outside(Comparing with Friends). Also Guys who are "Red Pill" just focus on the Alpha Seed side of Hypergamy but the key is to balance the Alpha as well as Beta Side. I hate the fact that The Red Pill is interpreted like this because of all this hate towards women by guys. I find your perspective well balanced and nuanced. As always thanks for the vid.

Hardik Gupta

Still, just don't get married these days. The ability to leave a LTR without the ramifications of a divorce leads to a more balanced and healthy dynamic in the relationship. One can have kids without putting that ring on a finger.

Kevin Litke

Is it really a good idea that the woman is emotionally- and financially fully dependant towards her man? I think it would be more conventient if she is not fully, but rather semi- dependable on her man. In example: If the man unfortunately somehow meets a difficult situation, then the woman could take the temporary leadership, until the man has solved and recovered from his situation. So the woman would act as a backup for her man when things go south, but that only works when the woman is not fully dependable on her man.

Nhat-Lam Luong

I agree that manipulative tactics aren’t effective nor are they necessary in a LTR. It’s behavior much more suited for a teenager than a fully functioning adult. To add on to your criticisms of the Red Pill, I think another thing they get wrong is they analyze the nature of the average woman and attribute it to all women without taking into account individual differences. I mean yeah, ‘hypergamy’, ‘monkey branching’, and the like do happen often. But you don’t want to date any woman who resorts to those primal instincts over their want to be a good partner, mother, and person. Red Pill assumes these concepts can be applied to every woman and that’s just the way the world works. I have met high quality women in my world that actively do not associate with other women who jump from man to man or manipulate their partner into having kids, etc. They avoid them like the plague and don’t give them enough thought to even talk about those low quality women behind their backs. I learned a lot about the behavior of average to low quality women from the Red Pill. Some of their concepts land with high quality women as well but, it’s hit or miss for the most part. No worthy man should want to date an average woman because an average woman makes for a bad partner. High quality people are a rarity, and those only make for suitable long term partners, which is my theory on why most relationships suck to be in. I had the most success meeting high quality women who were volunteering or were working for me in service roles that paid very little because they truly wanted to help the former team I was on. The Red Pill makes no mention of these women anywhere. So while they have some credible concepts, they miss the point. Their confirmation bias using the behaviors of low quality women unsuccessfully tries to explain the decisions of high quality women and therefore, none of them could see what a high quality woman looks like if it was right in front of their face. Rant over, lol. Thanks for the vid Alex.

Kyle Worden

Yes. The focus, the priorities, evolve as you pass through the different stages of a relationship. Both parties have to consciously maintain attraction, but the 'attraction phase' is just the beginning of something much deeper and broader.

Margaret