PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Women Who Get Offended When Men Turn Down Sex

That’s a great point re women wanting emotional intimacy and withholding sex vs men wanting sex and withholding emotional intimacy. With that in mind I can almost start to see the “logic” of why women then blame the man for why they cheated in the end. They couldn’t gain the emotional intimacy through masturbating fix like the man sort of can. Hope you and your wife can restore yourselves together.

Craig

I remember once pretty early in my last relationship (I was in my early 20s and it lasted 5 years) it was late and I was tired after working and just wanted to sleep. My partner tried to initiate sex but I said I wasn't in the mood and just wanted to sleep. She turned away from me in bed and was ice cold when I tried to embrace her. This was the first time I'd ever said no, but she reacted as if I was always shooting her down. I never did ask her why she reacted like that as now (a total of around 7 years after that incident) I still wonder about it - note to self: do so if it ever happens again.

Kadz

You mentioned about a study on the libido drop of women (big sudden drop) vs. Mens drop (gradual). May I know where to find this study?

This post and that book is a game changer. I’m half way in and I realize I respect women too much , as I initiate sex. This all makes sense

Dead bedroom here. Been a few years since my wife and I had any sexual contact. It has given me time to think about this and how both women and men make this horrible blunder. Men want sex and when denied sex they withhold emotional intimacy. Women want emotional intimacy but will still deny sex to their partner. Of the two it seems clear which one is more devastating. Men can take care of themselves (or I should hope so..) But women won't get the intimacy they seek if they create physical distance or untouchable boundaries with their man. It seems so painfully obvious in retrospect but it is not while it is happening to you. The dynamic creates deep resentment, and that creates alienation. It is pure poison for a relationship. If you see it happening, take AG's advice and talk openly about it, or make yourself emotionally open to your partner because the situation can go off the rails quickly. Before you know it desire can dissipate and in my case it never came back. I guess it comes down to the idea that everything is avoidable once you know how to avoid it. I didn’t know then, but I do now.

"Arousal" by Micheal Bader is definitely an awesome read. It shows how he used sexual fanatsies to diagnose and treat not just sexual problems but other psychological problems that percolated into one's sexuality. It's akin to a cause-effect relationship. And AG rightly pointed out, " Our sexuality is connected to so many parts of our personality". Thanks for recommending it, I'm going to read "The Ape That Understood the Universe" next.

Ashwin Srinivas

This video would have been helpful to me 10-15 years ago. It likely would have saved weeks of fear, fretting, and heartache before I finally worked up the courage to initiate what at the time felt like the hardest conversation ever - but ended up being one of the most valuable.

Great point! I have not thought about this!