PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Will Learning About Women Undermine Our Capacity To Enjoy Them?

Your blame should lie with the media and the system then, not women. If our brain and hormones are doing the same thing, then all we have to do is be mindful.

The more I've learned about women and tested out the ideas, the more it has benefited me. I agree with Alex: the more knowledge the better (assuming one handles the information maturely and with nuance).

Blair

This topic was really excellently unpacked in a nuanced way. Really interesting!

As the saying goes: familiarity breeds contempt. And unfortunately, learning about female nature also breeds contempt. How can you hope to have a successful relationship with someone you fundamentally cannot trust? Short answer: you can't. However... Every one of us has the responsibility to rise above the not-so-great legacy that nature gave us. That means that it is possible - even for a woman - to become a quality human being. It's just that it's the exception (exceptional exception) when it actually does happen. That's why we're all looking for the unicorn, but almost none of us are finding one. This is great advice, even if the optimism is somewhat misplaced. Keep doing what you do.

"One problem that I know I am facing currently from a male perspective is an abundance of theoretical knowledge and a lack of practical experience" this statement sums up a lot of problems guys have. And with the internet, the theoretical knowledge is enormous and available at the click of a mouse and it is so overwhelming because of all the contradictions and lies. It is a difficult world to navigate. I do think that comment is almost linked to an addiction to fast information and self-improvement. But it actually results in procrastination when you are constantly learning about things and never applying it. I always watch videos on how to organise and so a good essay but I avoid actually doing the essay. It is a hard to get the motivation to do the thing we need and want to do sometimes. But you are right in that women have the opposite problem in relationships, or at least in my case it was like that. It is probably not as bad as what guys go through though, but there are lots of mistakes that make me cringe and keep me up at night! 😅😭 xxx

Alisha

Just summarizing my thoughts. Really enjoying the discussion on here, thank you to all for sharing <3 There is a clear loss of naivete that both genders go through when learning about the other but we seem to be in consensus that dispelling our delusions is healthy and will allow us to live and thrive better in reality. I believe that the mystery is eternal and can be maintained through nuance. Like the tree example and just by our nature to change and grow as humans. I don't think we have to worry about the mystery ever being fully dispelled. One problem that I know I am facing currently from a male perspective is an abundance of theoretical knowledge and a lack of practical experience. Essentially, boys have to be patient and develop themselves to extreme lengths in order to obtain honest, practical experience inside a healthy relationship. Therefore we are learning way more theory before being able to practice it. Especially in this age of increasing isolation (the pandemic, social media, tech influence etc). Trying to see it from the other side, it seems to me like women might have the opposite problem of having very little preparation or understanding before being thrust into the time sensitive practical exam. Only later can they dedicate time to learning the opposite sex on perhaps a more intellectual level. I am curious about exploring the idea of a "naturally" competent (confident) man vs a man who has learnt to become competent. I think this can be applied equally in the opposite gender. A woman can be "naturally" beautiful but can also learn to become beautiful (beautiful in this context describing a more holistic feminine quality, not only the appearance of beauty). I can see the appeal and value of naturally well-suited genes in either gender. The question I'd raise is: well-suited in what context? I'd rather have built up my competence as a man so that even when things change dramatically around me I understand my foundations and can expand my zone of competence. Likewise women who have developed a depth of beauty within themselves are more valuable than women who were naturally gifted with the appearance of beauty. This is because again context matters. A beauty that is only skin deep is going to fade while a beauty grown within can bloom over decades. (Talk about flowery language!) I think that because this is such a key piece of the puzzle I prefer to think about "good genes" as being signified not by the traits we are born with but by the traits we display as we develop. "It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one most adaptable to change." - Darwin

Steven

I echo this from my male perspective. However, what do you think about men learning about women? I am referring to a SO or a man hypothetically approaching you to gain your attraction. I ask because there is a notion out there that women want men to just get it. The idea is that if they have to learn it, then they are supposedly trying to trick women into thinking that they are alphas when they actually are not. From the standpoint of evolutionary psychology, this would ostensibly thwart women's mating strategy of determining who has quality genes as indicated by their behaviors. That is to say, the link with genetics breaks down if the behavior is acquired through learning rather than genetic predisposition. This idea explains why there is such a backlash in mainstream venues against pickup artistry. And that's the insight I would love to have you address. Do you feel any threat, concern or angst about men learning and re-inventing themselves (successfully) to be more attractive?

Todd McDaniels

For an analogy, some people who get into playing an instrument, especially guitar, moan about learning music theory because they think it will take the feel and magic out of their playing. This is just not the case, as many can testify to. I just recently got to spend some enjoyable quality time with an ex-SO recently. We both understood it was a temporary meeting up, as she was leaving the country for six months, but it was so intriguing and rewarding to understand her behaviors through new and more enlightened lens.

Todd McDaniels

I get where you are coming from but I think he already has enough going on with the niche he has and even for a starting out youtuber... navigating adult and relationship topics and involving children is a harder responsibility due to their higher levels of vulnerability. So much more care is needed. I think as long as you teach your child to assert their own needs and let them say no without punishment and do everything to make sure they have a secure attachment style then you are already on your way to helping your child. Although I am sure there is a lot of nuance in this situation xxx

Alisha

I was going to write something about this exact thing, although the majority of Alexander's patrons do seem to have higher self awareness than most people I was not sure about writing it. If men are constantly reading and consuming content about the "truth about women" but never exploring "the truth about themselves" then women will be evil and not men. I read up on men and found out that they were attracted to lots of women whereas I struggle to be attracted to others so I feared that my boyfriend secretly wants constant novelty. I also had read some stuff about why men don't marry their girlfriends and the article said that men who already have what they want from are not going to be bothered committing to you, the whole why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? But I never questioned why I wasn't attracted to people, did I just have high standards? Was I sexually repressed? Why was I bothered about being married in the first place? Was it an ego thing because I wanted to look in society? All these things that made me question myself caused me to accept that we all just have weird shit going on in our lives and that is okay. So well said @Jen! xxx

Alisha

AG. You could create a channel for 13 + y/o that prepare them for relations. I constantly think of my nephew, how can I respond to questions he will have about women without breaking his spirit? On the other hand how can I not prepare him knowing the hell is going to be?

Jimmy Madrigal

I think there is the greatest risk for damage when the focus is only on women (external) and there is not an equal level of attention focused on self- reflection (internal). Any time I learned something about my husband/men I couldn’t relate to or felt was “unfair,” the moment I committed to self analysis (or women in general) and putting myself in his shoes and thinking through role reversal situations- it helped me unpack my behavior as well as his behavior and prompted communication that has only made us stronger over the years. This doesn’t mean we don’t fall into some of the same stupid traps sometimes- but it does mean we get out of them quicker and with no long term damage.

If I watched this video a year ago I would have strongly disagreed but I 100% agree now. I think that learning the truth causes a great deal of discomfort and is like a grieving process initially but then after the pain subsides you feel oddly free. I learned about men and initially I felt really disgusted, scared and angry but now I accept men and my acceptance has led to some strong and very fulfilling friendships and has increased my level of intimacy with my partner xxx

Alisha

I’m in my early 50’s. The more you learn, the less you put up with. The bonus about being 50 is you naturally become more interested in your hobbies and women stumble all over to get your attention

100% agree. Knowledge is power. Knowing about cars and what each one is capable of enhances the experience. The same thing with women. Being in the dark when there is light is just plain ole stupid.

I agree with AG that no knowledge should be discarded. Still, I don't see how he doesn't think going down the abyss of female psyche will not undermine our capacity to enjoy women. We are constantly bombarded by this fantasy that women are innocent and generous creatures, it is enforced by many culprits, our brains and hormones prioritising the survival of our DNA above all things, media and even women themselves to a good extent. it is one thing is acknowledge that they are human like us and therefore capable of damaging others, and another thing to realize exactly the limits of the damage they can do without remorse (not only in terms of romantic relationships).

Youssef9910

I think the way it can spoil your experience is you become paranoid (Black Pilled) about women nature, over interpreting their actions and being too defensive because of a fear of being hurt / taken advantage of, and therefore driving a great woman away. Sometimes I wonder if that's what is happening to me...

@Phillip Hatcher You know Alex has always been saying that quality women exist. I have evidence that I will never find a higher quality woman than my ex (I'm saying this based on evidence, not on the fact that I'm fresh outta her) and considering that I broke up with her too, makes it quite obvious to me that I will never manage to have someone in my life in general. It's a really bitter pill to swallow on my 35 years... but this is something that all men have to do. And the earlier (and less committed) you do it...the better.

I think so as well. Just listening to some female friends speak and knowing the motivations behind what they say relationship wise, and what they don't say as well. Like Alex said, my imagination of them didn't match the reality and that was kinda a let down.

Toot

Yes. Tough luck, that's life. Broke up just a few minutes ago from the love of my life. Alex, come get me an interview so that we can let the whole (man)world know how this goes. And maybe see how we can find happiness in simple things and ways ..