PATREON EXCLUSIVE: How To Bring Up Dissatisfaction With Your Sex Life Without Shaming Your Girlfriend

I feel like this is the best way to handle this: Ask your girl: "Hey can we talk ? Do you feel there is a problem with our relationship? There might be a problem based on we are not having regular sex. Is there an issue you're going through that I can help you with? " Maybe the issue is she is feeling insecure, depressed, etc. Maybe she is emotionally or otherwise unsatisfied herself. She might also want more sex. You would think that if a woman wants sex she simply needs to put her ass out there, but its really not that simple. The issue could be her and its not that she is just rejecting you.

This is exactly what I needed to hear thank you this video felt so personal and specific tha for a secon o thougth I was in private consultation

I disagree. There’s no intimacy without sex. I do agree about the lapsing of the honeymoon period, but it’s not just the sex that goes away. Intimacy becomes replaced by familiarity.

Todd McDaniels

Sex vs Intimacy. What do you want? If it’s sex then the relationships expire after the honeymoon period. Intimacy may not be appropriate for the particular relationship you’re in.

Hi again Alisha. I originally said to make it clear that you are willing to leave. Other people are translating that into a “threat” to leave. One could say something like “Do you want to split up? No? I’m not getting the most essential thing I want out of a relationship. This relationship. Do you have any idea how to fix it? Because it’s a seriously critical problem if we don’t.” Willingness to leave does not have to be explicitly stated to be conveyed, and if a soft tongue and gentle tone is needed for therapeutic purposes, I am not opposed to that. I was trying to focus on screening women early, like way way way before marriage. I know from Suzanne Venker and Bettina Arndt that wives often don’t understand how important sex is for men. So, a question I have for you, Alisha, is whether you understood the importance of sex going into your marriage? If not, was it because your mate didn’t convey that to you? Or something else?

Todd McDaniels

If you went into specifics I might be able to offer some advice. When did the sex start to decline? Do you have kids? How long have you been together? Was there any events that could have led to her being stressed that would lead to her losing her sex drive? Does she have a history of being sexually shamed? Also when you do have sex, what is it like, what do you do? xxx

Alisha

I think that some of the men commenting on this are going with the assumption that their partner or a woman has lost their sex drive because they lack attraction for them and although their might be truth to that it is a lot more complicated. But talking to your partner in a mature way about the situation and increasing vulnerability is the way to go and that is alpha, not beta. Beta would be burying your head in the sand and not doing anything at all, just feeling to nervous to bring the situation up. Beta would be to threaten your partner with the fact you have other options. People who have options don't even need to communicate that. If my man wasn't able to perform sexually I would definitely not tell him "hey, if I went on tinder I could get a shag tonight easy peasy soo yeah... fix it or goodbye" xxx

Alisha

Jesus, I am looking at the comments and I don't mean to hurt anyone but the advice is pretty bad. Never threaten to leave for lack of sex. Fair enough, if you are genuinely unhappy and want to leave then you have the right to do what you want but from personal experience as someone who has temporarily lost their sex drive, if my man threatened to leave me I would have became more insecure and that would have made my sexual desire lower. You need trust to be fully intimate with someone. I am very lucky that my man stuck by me and I managed to figure out what was wrong and have had no problems since but the answer isn't always going to be "she sees you as a beta and doesn't desire you". If your woman is experiencing sexual problems and you are wanting to stay with her but the lack of sex is causing you stress then my advice would be to go with what Alexander said, communicate how it makes you feel rather than your expectations. I am not going to lie but when I lost my sex drive it really is a downward spiral and I lost trust in my partner despite how great he is, I needed to reframe the lack of sex as a lack of intimacy and a relationship without intimacy is so fragile. Finding my kinks and being more open about what I want was what helped me get my sex drive back. But I was in denial of my kinks or hadn't figured them out yet. Now we have better sex than the beginning of our relationship. Putting in the work is so worth it (assuming you have a partner who is worth it). I just don't want men to assume that lack of sex in a relationship is automatically a power thing. Imagine how you would feel if you were suddenly unable to get it up and your partner was threatening you with "this is a problem and I want to leave if it doesn't get fixed". Are you going to feel relaxed enough to get it up? No, don't be ridiculous. You need a partner who really understands you and makes you feel safe too. Men and women are not that different in this area. I am happy to answer questions xxx

Alisha

THANK YOU for this. Like many men with an average to high sex drive, I’ve had this conversation w/ some partners who had low libido. And video puts this very common scenario into perspective. Another great video on Patreon would be; how could you convince your girlfriend/wife to get back into shape or to speed up the process instead of her just doing the bare minimum.

I have a question, how do you transition from talking about your feelings to exploring her reaseons why exactly? To me this still seems like it could make them feel bad as your shifting the focus onto them.

Ali Nassar

I would not use leaving as a threat to obtaining sexual compliance, I don't like it if she doesn't have a genuine desire for me. But if there is no underlying reason (e.g psychological) and the libido are just not compatible, then breaking up is the way to go.

When women make men grovel for sex, they’re basically reducing it to transactional sex. That’s why you want sex on a first date. I’ve come to realize that sex on dates is not just for pleasure, but you should be using it to vet her long term for genuine desire and for whether she understands the importance of sex for bonding.

Todd McDaniels

...Or make it clear that you are willing to leave. If that doesn’t work, then actually leave. The problem might be that you’re not a challenge anymore. She’s not going to tell you that with any amount of probing. The longer you stay with her while not having sex the less she respects you. Why wait for her to decide to leave?

Todd McDaniels

That is why there are prostitutes. Fill up Your sex life to satisfucktion