PATREON EXCLUSIVE: How To Date If You Truly Feel Your Authentic Self Is Not Masculine

Good video, I agree. Over time we as individuals can become better versions of ourselves. The first step is to become aware of areas of needed improvement - thanks to videos Alexander produces. It's somewhat analogous to the biblical stories in my opinion, when the "law" was passed to Moses. Before the given law, life wasn't simply "good" so to speak, I think it's more along the lines of, everyone was "naïve", to quote Cypher "Ignorance is bliss". Yet, being unaware or naïve blunts self improvement. I'm glad Alexander brings forth videos like these because it helps men in varying circumstances shed light on what may need improving and at the same time be motivational knowing that the reward and journey aren't in vain.

Bryan

Interesting perspective. Low testosterone could also be a factor. Different hormones versus genetics creating different affects on function of body, mind, and emotion. I think that is what AG is missing. Anatomy. Yes, it is a coping mechanics for a program that was installed. However, intention versus human decision making. Be kind to one another. Well, they stop having babies. LOL. What is wrong with a natural decrease in human population, for the health of the planet? The down side to what AG preaches, is that people will twist it to their point of view. When people are so used to being right, it is hard for themselves to know when they are wrong... So increase in Me Man, Me Know, Me Hit. Is it just women that don't know what they really need? Or is it Humans, who don't know what they Need, versus what they Want? Hence why Alex is teaching what he has discovered, primarily for men... He does a pretty good job. The women are out there trying, as well, and getting mostly men. We only know what we have been exposed to, including myself.I believe in balance personally.

I deeply agree. Thank you for sharing this. Truly beautiful thoughts: sometimes men don’t see the difference between genuine self and temporary culture-induced feminine self

One of your best videos.... boils down to DNA, family upbringing and role models as a kid - being aware and giving it a little study always helps. Try Jack Donovan the Way of Men. Ps.... the media has programmed most women to dis men F* that. Tell them to be the plumber, fireman, truck driver etc. They always defer to men when it gets tough... ie emergencies etc

K M

Excellent video.

Todd McDaniels

" I was from very poor background and had to work from here up, alone." "I take a shots in work, have reputation of decisively resolving technical questions and stating options. I teach some things." Respect! (Also cycling is not feminine.)

Liandra

That was completely different than what I thought you were going to say. The idea of "denial" is a big deal. I think you're definitely onto something here.

U look cute here

Great video Alexander! Thanks for putting it into perspective. And once again, - as always, you found the perfect words to explain!

Sebastian

Yup, observing your actions, learning from your mistakes and taking corrective measures is the way to go!

Ashwin Srinivas

My beef honestly its mostly what women tend to reward men with toxic masculine trait more than actual positive masculine trait, ie: Over confidence, aggression, etc. They cant tell the difference between someone who just full of themselves and actual positive masculinity. So yes, what you are saying make sense theoretically. But I tried to be 3 differents kind of men in that order, Feminine men because I was raised by women, then toxic men because I wanted some opposite gender attention and then worked on the positive men to be more authentic. Toxic bring me the most women, but they were low quality women. Feminine bring me nothing. Then positive which actually give result in less quantity but of higher quality. I think that come from human and their understanding in binary. Too extreme on either side. This journey teached me to think in a more nuance way about thing over being binery

Step number one. Don't let women judge your masculinity. Modern women know shit about it. They have no role models apart from Disney cartoons and media stories of "toxic masculinity" culture. Unlike 100 years ago women don't need men to survive. While real masculinity will get you authority and respect from men it has little to do with women's attraction. Step number two. Once you remove women from an equation your life path as a man will be much clearer and straightforward. Just go for your goals. My buddy is a rugby school team coach. His wife left him, apparently because school team coach is a looser job in her view. Strong physically and emotionally, dedicated to his team and his goals, he is an example of masculinity. Does he have success with women? Absolutely not. The school he works in is full of single female teachers, but somehow his pure masculinity don't work for him in that way.

'Became more masculine and now feel more authentic' is definitely my story.

Blair

Your "true authentic self" is a function of your past experiences, environment and your reaction to it in terms of thoughts and feelings. If anyone hasn't tapped into their masculinity yet, AG's videos among others on YouTube would be a good place to start. It won't happen over night but you can take actionable steps to become more masculine in being more direct, decisive, divisive, ambitious, logical, (*insert more masculine traits) and stoic. And what can fuel this change is the positive reinforcement your environment gives you for being a more masculine man! But the bottom line is that we're fluid in terms of our thoughts, behaviours and traits and can defnitely work on them if and when needed. "All that we are, is a result of what we have thought" - Buddha.

Ashwin Srinivas

I was meek, geeky, closed guy (even sharing taste of music for me was taboo) who was completely in his own insecurities, loneliness, was out of social circle (relocated, I was rural farm boy). I was talented at the electronics and computers, but that's it - I was from very poor background and had to work from here up, alone. Now I think, I screwed up few potential pathways because of my weaknesses. Had few friends that I failed to keep. Forward in time: I take a shots in work, have reputation of decisively resolving technical questions and stating options. I teach some things. I have masculine hobbies: swordfighting, weightlifting as well not so masculine: badminton, cycling. Initiated and moved through some people. Am I different person? Well not really, I still retain some interests, my genetics is the same. But guess what I can express myself way better - I can lead, say what I think, initiate. And instead old fears I found that the world and people in it just started to "bend" to what I do. Maybe then I was as well authentic, now I feel like developed masculinity added a lot, and my authentic self is not meaningless. I see real effects in my environment. I would not go back and really only thing I wish, I would have gotten it sooner.

Ignas

“I think lots of men (and other people) do look up to others of the same gender who look like they have it together and try to emulate that.” This statement made me think, because yes it’s true. And honestly, it’s good advice for the most part. However, the risk is that we don’t always see the whole picture, pay attention to all the tradeoffs people made, or fully understand how achieving a particular type of “success” will affect us as a person. For me, for example, the women I saw as being the happiest when I was a child were working women. They smiled, they laughed, they had things of their own, they were excited when they talked about things going on in their lives, and they still had husbands and children. Meanwhile, the stay at home moms I knew all seemed miserable. Fast forward to now. I am a successful working woman. I’m happily married to an amazing man. I am blessed in so many, many, ways. My tradeoff was that I pulled on my masculine energy to succeed (and I didn’t have to fake it) but did not equally value my feminine side. It wasn’t non-existent, but I definitely prioritized strength over compassion, intelligence over empathy, being witty over being kind, building over nurturing, and being a successful person (in a career and financial sense) rather than being a good person. Through aging and conscious effort, I’ve found a better balance of those things but it is still a work in progress (and one of the reasons I subscribe to this channel). That said, it has been quite a fulfilling process and has deepened my relationship with my husband in many ways. Better later than never! 😝

I grew up a pretty feminine guy and honestly it confused me very much. I had asthma, so I didn't like sports to any extent, as opposed to my brothers and dad. I had very bad reflexes, so I didn't like video games either. I spent my time playing grownup with my sister, making crafts, sewing, art, writing. I did also play Legos a lot (battles and such), so not all feminine. lol I also was quiet and shy, because of extreme anxiety. I was queasy at the sight of blood, disliked violence, and hated my anger. As I grew into an adult, I became the nicest guy you'll ever meet, but also a guy totally living in fear. It was about 3 or 4 years ago when I started to try and conquer my fear, which became the first step of me opening up to my masculinity, even though I didn't think of it in that way then. Since then, I've continued addressing different aspects of me, which happen to be more masculine traits, such as speaking up more, affirming my boundaries, facing fear, leading people, and as I've done that my confident has greatly increased. Alex is right. Everyone probably has more feminine and masculine aspects to their nature and if you feel more feminine as a guy, it's probably because you just haven't opened up to your masculine side. Because like, I still enjoy those hobbies that tend to be more feminine. But I'm finding I also enjoy other things that tend to be more masculine. It really is an exciting adventure.

Great video Alexander, this is one of my favourite ones tbh! I think lots of men (and other people) do look up to others of the same gender who look like they have it together and try to emulate that. No one gatekeeps masculinity or femininity, if you fake being someone you are not then you will end up resenting yourself and others. You are right, it is about letting go of doing things for validation and doing things because you genuinely want to. The best way to figure out if something isn't authentic for you is to ask yourself "if I didn't receive validation for this thing would I still enjoy it or want to do it?" xxx

Alisha

I have experienced this transformation myself. I was told by an ex girlfriend to repress my masculinity and that it's toxic and she doesn't want to see it. That made us both miserable in our relationship and then she broke up with me. Started watching Alexander's videos and thought that developing my masculinity was worth a try got instant results and validation from lower quality women waited until it was developed enough (while keeping most of my more feminine traits) and started attracting high-quality women and now I have one as a girlfriend and things have been going amazing. It's not that my feminine traits were bad and that I couldn't show them its just that I had to have the masculine traits or no one would look in my direction.

Tomer Shamay

Great video. Lots of women struggle articulating the difference between what makes them happy and what makes them horny. Young guys misinterpret their indirect behavior all the time, which can lead to a lot of wasted time. I don't always see masculine versus feminine behaviors on opposite poles, though. For example, somebody can be driven, decisive, and confident while also being caring, compassionate, and emotionally intelligent. Perhaps the biggest lesson of my life as a man whose authentic self leans towards compassion and emotional intelligence is that developing these qualities as a man is actually a great thing that will enhance your life, but you won't be successful with women if you don't lead with your masculine traits first. An unfortunate reality of the modern world is that if someone builds a perception of you based on your more feminine qualities, they will emasculate you regardless of if you also display masculine qualities as well. It's incredibly important for a strong basis of attraction to be present before you allow a woman into your more compassionate qualities if you want to maintain respect. Your leadership capabilities are irrelevant if someone has decided they aren't attracted to you based on a preconceived notion they've built around how 'sweet' you are. This is not the right way to treat people and none of these truths are good qualities of modern women, but failing to understand them will lead to a lot of pain.

Young men should see this. As I have become older masculinity has become fuller. As masculinity gets fuller, my feminine blended in more. Not something added on top. Can hold a baby in a masculine way. Have come to think a masculine man holding a baby or being with a small child. Give something no women could ever give them. A man in the family can provide, protect and with this nurture others as a masculine man. Do say I am looking at this from a family unit. Do hope I express my thinking clear.

Domald

I hope more men see this!

If you’re not masculine then you better find a women that is. Someone has to be the leader in the relationship.