PATREON EXCLUSIVE (Full Video): Expect relationships to be messy

Excellent

Amazing, I needed that, both parts of the video

I had a similar experience being married to someone with narcissistic personality disorder for 9 years. The mask slowly came off and things deteriorated with toxic behaviours becoming more and more frequent. I learnt a lot and had some great experiences but ultimately in the cold light of day my conclusion is different: these years were wasted compared to being with a high quality girlfriend from the beginning and it was the worst decision of my life. I think part of the reason I tolerated it for so long was that I didn’t know how good a relationship could be with the right person. I expected it to be messy and was poorly equipped to differentiate messy from toxic.

Andy

This was one of the best things I've taken away from my last relationship. Even if it ended toxic, it wasn't that all the time. We didn't give up in a hurdle, we kept on wanting to resolve things. We went to family therapy. It lasted almost nine years, and some who know the situation, say that it was nine wasted years. I disagree to that, I learned so much in conflict handling. Keeping calm. Never raised my voice and fought back on her faults when she had a temper, just explained in a calm matter that I thoght she was unfair. The first time that happened, she totally lost her tantrum, jaw dropped, and got totally calm, and totally open for having a civil conversation. There was love between us, but sadly, her wellbeing got worse, and in the end she started to gaslight and project onto me, dragging me down. So, in the end, it was for the best that the relationship ended, even if she (of course) couldn't take responsibility for her own feelings or what she had become, so it ended with a mail where she projected all her shortcomings onto me in the most disrespectful way. I have moved on, and it was easy to forgive, even if I'm not allowed to contact her. Ir's better to be the bigger person, than gettiing angry. The last two year period I've understand that I should've been clearer in my needs and expectations, but hey - that's my fault. I'm far from perfect, and perfection is just an illusion. Or to qoute Data in Star Trek First contact: "Believing oneself to be perfect is often the sign of a delusional mind."

Robert Lindhé

Me too I had the opposite problem. As always nuanced and gives both sides of it. Regarding the divorce rate it is often spoken about as if this is a bad thing but what is the ideal divorce rate anyway? One could argue some relationships simply run their course and people drift apart. Even if we accept divorce is bad is it bad because people are making the wrong choice when entering into marriage or leaving the marriage too readily? I suspect more of the former.

Andy