Lord of Dread: Chapters 6-10

Chapter 6

I cringe as I roll over in bed and inadvertently shove my face directly into a beam of light. I’m not ready to get up, and debate sleeping in more before groaning and pushing myself into a sitting position.

I’ve already slept in if this much sun is already streaming in through the window.

There’s not much reason to hurry my mornings when I spend all day doing nothing, and skipping breakfast allows me to avoid Elijah. He’s most active in the early hours, walking around the estate to ensure everything is running smoothly, and doesn’t disappear into his office until right after lunch.

If I’m lucky he’ll stay in there through dinner, but occasionally I’ll spot him walking to the dining room to eat.

I know the servants judge me for refusing to eat with him, not that he’s ever gone out of his way to invite me, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Instead I hide in my bedroom like a coward, eating on the small table I had brought in here the day after my arrival.

Crawling out of bed, I avoid looking in the mirror as I grab the rope by the door and give it a firm tug. It connects to a bell downstairs, and lets my maid know I’m ready for her to come help me dress.

I miss Arielle, the woman who’s seen to me since I was a child, but Louise is friendly enough. She’s around my age which is nice, and doesn’t look at me with pity like the other women in the house do.

My feet drag as I move to my closet, pulling open the doors with a huff as I try to figure out what to wear today. The first few days here I was foolish and tried to dress in a way that would impress Elijah, desperately hoping to salvage this marriage, but he didn’t spare me so much as a glance.

It was more than a little humbling, and I’ve since given up on trying to look nice for him.

I could probably walk around naked and he wouldn’t notice.

Whatever.

It’s not like I care.

“Good morning!” Louise greets, pushing open my bedroom door.

I spin, grinning as I spot the tray in her hands. Dinner last night wasn’t my favorite, and I struggled to eat the food she brought me. I pretended to be feeling ill in an effort not to offend the chef, but now I’m more than a little starving.

It even looks like Louise snuck some additional items onto my plate, and I shoot her a grateful smile as I sit at my table to eat.

“Morning! How’d you sleep?” I ask, eyeing the dark bags under her eyes.

She’s pretty new here, and the head housekeeper has been giving her a hard time in some odd initiation ritual. I don’t approve of it, but I haven’t been Lady of the house long enough to reprimand the woman.

If Elijah and I were in a true marriage I’d ask him to speak to the housekeeper in place of me, but I doubt he’d care enough to say anything even if I did try to bring it up.

Louise lies and tells me she slept well, and I pretend to believe it as I scarf down my food. I should be embarrassed by how quickly I eat it, but I’m much too hungry to care. I’ve been here for exactly ten days, and my reputation in this home has already been made.

First impressions are everything, and my time to impress has come to an end.

I’m still unsure how well I did, but assume I’ll figure it out the next time I go out. Word spreads like wildfire, and I’m sure by now whatever the servants are saying about me has spread to everybody in town.

If it’s bad enough, Millie will write and not-so-kindly tell me to get my shit together, and I’m taking it as a good sign I haven’t received such a letter yet.

“Shall we get you dressed?” Louise asks as I finish up my last bites of food.

I nod, already dreading this. Louise is almost too good at lacing my corset, and takes my requests for it to be tight seriously. I’m sure she’s heard the whispers of rumors, and after seeing my bleed in my bedsheets, she knows them to be untrue.

It’s not exactly like I can grab my bloody linens and wave them around town, even if that would solve all my problems.

“I stole an undershirt from Lord Elijah for you.” She continues, her face turning red as I splutter and spin to face her.

Why in heavens would she do that?

“I’ve heard some women who tie their corsets tightly wear a male’s shirt instead of their chemise to help prevent the boning from digging into the skin. The shirt fabric is thicker, and adds some additional padding.” She explains, reaching under her skirt to untie the shirt around her waist.

I’m impressed with her ingenuity and stealth, even if it’s a tad embarrassing. I’d rather be caught dead than have anybody find out I’m wearing Elijah’s shirt instead of my chemise, but the bruises are so bad I’m willing to take the risk.

Louise grins as I step forward and grab the shirt from her hand, the woman probably afraid I would scold her for her idea. She went out on a limb here for me, and I appreciate it.

“I suppose it doesn’t hurt to try.” I state, pulling off my nightgown.

The ones I choose to wear are entirely immodest, made of almost entirely sheer fabric and covered in lace much too provocative to be worn outside my bedroom. They’re meant to be reserved and worn only when in the presence of my husband, but something about wearing them for myself feels good.

I hate how much Elijah’s lack of interest has crushed my self-esteem, and the sensual nightgowns help me get some of it back.

Even if Louise and I are the only people to see them.

She whistles as I stand bare in front of her, her eyes raking down my ribs. I know they don’t look good, the skin rubbed raw, but after only a few more months I should be able to return to wearing my corsets like normal.

The only positive to this is that the tight wearing is closing in my waist, giving me more of the hourglass figure men seem to love so much. My mother blessed me with wide birthing hips, a feature I’ve always loved, and the shaping of my ribs makes them look better.

While I’m glad Elijah isn’t interested in putting a child in me right now, I do hope it’s an opinion he changes in the future. I’m not excited about the act of making the child, but I do think one would give me purpose.

It’s much too early to think about that, though, and with a nervous laugh I slip Elijah’s shirt on and do up the buttons. It hangs loosely, and Louise helps cut off the sleeves so my arms don’t look bulky underneath my dress.

I must admit the fabric feels nicer than my chemise, and as Louise tightens up my corset, there is noticeably less poking on my ribs. The spots where the buttons rest aren’t ideal, but overall the feeling is better.

“Would you like to go into town with me today?” I ask, peering at Louise over my shoulder. “I’d like to pick up some new stationery, and if there’s time, stop by my father’s house to visit my youngest brother.” I explain.

She looks shocked I’m asking her, her eyes widening for a brief second before she clears her throat and says she’d love to go.

I grin, happy to have some company.

We finish getting me ready in comfortable silence, and I suck in a shaky breath before telling her I’ll meet her down by the carriage in thirty minutes. She looks a bit confused, but doesn’t question me as she nods and rushes to bring my breakfast tray back to the kitchen.

I hide my trembling hands behind my back as I make my way to Elijah’s office.

A cold sweat breaks out along the back of my neck as I halt in front of the door, and I muster up every bit of courage I have before raising my fist and knocking. I’ve been avoiding this for days, but I have to go into town at some point.

There’s nothing but silence, and I’m just about to tap again when I hear him telling me to come in. He probably would’ve continued to ignore it if he knew it was me, and I resist the urge to run away as I grab the knob and push open the door.

The sight that greets me has me pausing, unsure how to react.

My eyes dart between him and the maid sitting on his desk, and I clench my jaw as I watch her register it’s me who’s come inside and scurry off the surface. They’re both fully clothed, but I’m not stupid.

I’m sure I’d be met with an entirely different image if I came here ten minutes later.

I swallow past the lump in my throat as the maid lowers her head and runs past me, the woman refusing to meet my eye as she rushes out of my husband’s office. Elijah seems entirely uneffected, and gestures for me to sit in the chair opposite his desk.

I don’t move.

It’s one thing to know he’s not honoring our marriage, but an entirely different one to see it with my own eyes.

It hurts more than I’d care to admit, a small part of me had hoped he would come around and we could live as a real husband and wife. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life trapped in a loveless marriage, but as I watch him wipe a bit of wetness off his bottom lip, I lose any bit of hope I once had.

“I’d like to go into town today.” I state.

Elijah nods, seeming to understand my unspoken question as he reaches into a desk drawer and pulls out some coins. I expect him to count out an allowance for me, but instead he tosses the entire pouch toward the edge of his desk.

I despise the disrespect, and I pull my coin pouch out from behind my back as I approach to do a transfer. I can’t bring myself to look directly at him, too embarrassed as I count and give myself an allowance.

I’m not stupid. This is some sort of test, and I hope I don’t fail as I grab just enough for my stationery and a couple of sweets for Louise and me. I hesitate for a brief second before slipping one more silver piece into my bag, hoping to begin my run-away stash early.

Elijah doesn’t say anything, and drops the coin bag back in his desk drawer as I do up the strings on my pouch. It’s one of my favorite ones, and the deep purple color matches the lilac shade of my dress.

“Thank you.” I finally mutter, not wanting to waste any more time as I spin and run out of his office.

I’m not expecting Elijah to explain anything to me, let alone apologize, but I still feel slightly disappointed when he says nothing as I shut his door behind me.

Chapter 7

I’m sure Louise can tell something is wrong, but she pretends not to notice as I grab her arm and lead her toward my favorite stationery store.

The image of that woman sitting on Elijah’s desk refuses to leave my mind, and I can’t stop replaying it despite how hard I try. I’m not sure what makes me angrier, the fact that he’s so eagerly disrespecting our marriage or that he’s doing it so openly within our home.

He didn’t know it was me who was knocking on his door, and didn’t care at all who saw her in that position and discovered what they were doing. He’s willing to humiliate me without a care in the world and is going so far as to do it with women I’m forced to see daily.

I’ve spotted that maid several times around the estate, and now I will worry about every other moderately attractive woman I come across.

They’re probably laughing and giggling behind my back, having a grand time sleeping with my husband while I hide away in my room like a frightened child. I wonder if Louise knows anything about it, but I don’t ask for fear of her answer.

A smaller, more insecure part of me wants to know if she’s one of the maids warming his bed, but I won’t torture myself by asking that either.

I shake my head, shoving those thoughts aside as I push open the door to the shop.

The store clerk greets me with a smile, his eyes briefly trailing toward Louise before sliding back to me.

“Lady Hughes, what can I help you with today?” He asks.

My eyes widen, my mind taking a moment to register that that’s me. I’m used to Dawson, and hate the way Hughes sounds coming out of his mouth. I don’t want to be Elijah Hughes’s wife.

“I’m looking for some new stationery.” I state, following him to the far wall where they’re held.

This store is known for having the best, and I feel excitement for the first time since my engagement was announced as I scan my options. I’ve been going through a rose kick recently, loving anything and everything with that pattern, but I feel ready for a change.

A beautiful lilac-colored set stands out to me, and I hum quietly to myself as I pick it up to feel the weight. It’s nice and thick, and the texture will take my ink well.

“What do you think?” I ask, handing it over to Louise.

She seems surprised by my question, probably not used to being asked for input. The sight makes me sad, and I hope my smile seems encouraging as I gesture again for her to take hold of the item. Her throat bobs as she gulps, and I watch as she runs her fingertips over the paper and flips it around as I did earlier.

“I like it. The color seems very you.” She eventually states.

I grin, agreeing, and hand it over to the store clerk.

He rings me up with a smile, and I count my coin as he packages it up. I will use this paper to write my thank-you notes to all the guests who came to the wedding. It would’ve been best to send them out days ago, but I’ve been struggling to do anything productive recently.

I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as Louise and I exit the shop, excited about the bakery I’m taking her to next.

“Becks!”

I gasp, my shoulder accidentally knocking against Louise as I spin and scan for Jack.

He lifts his arm and rushes toward me, his loud shout and erratic movements drawing some scoffs. I don’t care, though, much too happy to see him to worry about how his actions are perceived. He greets me with a warm hug, and I breathe in the comforting smell of his cologne as I wrap my arms around him and return the gesture.

When he pulls away I can’t stop myself from grinning, the smile genuine for the first time in a while.

“I’m so happy to see you. I was actually planning on stopping by the house later for a visit.” I state, holding him at arm’s length before gesturing to Louise. “This is my younger brother, Jack.”

Jack bows, ever the charmer as he grabs Louise’s hand and presses a kiss to her knuckles. I resist the urge to roll my eyes.

“I’m only two years younger than you, Becks. You can just introduce me as your brother.” He teases.

My lips twitch, and I give a slight nod to signal I’ve heard him. I’m going to continue to call out that he’s younger, loving how annoyed it makes him. It would bring him to tears when we were kids, but now he’s grown to handle the subtle insult with grace.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Louise greets, her voice quiet.

She seems nervous, and I realize why as I realize Jack’s still got his hand clasped tightly around hers. He needs to let go soon, and I glare at their connection until he gets the hint and releases her.

He’s always been a flirt, but he shouldn’t be doing those things in public.

“Likewise,” Jack responds, shooting her another sly grin. “Where are you two headed?” He continues, ignoring me entirely as he speaks to Louise.

Louise’s face is flaming red as she tells him we’re on our way to the bakery, and I tighten my grip on my coin purse as he straightens up and asks to join. This is great. He’ll insist on paying for our desert, and I can stash away all the money I planned to spend there.

“So, Becks, how’s married life treating you?” Jack asks, always the nosy one.

I lick my lips, searching for the right words to describe the hell I’ve spent the past ten days living in.

“It’s been an adjustment.” I decide to go with. “Today I’m going to work on my thank you letters for the wedding.”

Jack frowns, a look of annoyance spreading over his face as he nods and leads us toward the shop.

He’s always been good at reading me, and despite my words, I know he can tell I’m miserable. The changes are slight, my eyes dull and my hair poorly done. I’ve always taken pride in my appearance, wanting to look nice, but it’s hard to feel motivated to do that when the one person who’s supposed to appreciate it doesn’t give a care in the world for you.

Elijah has no interest, and since I’m married, there’s no possibility of capturing the attention of any other men. They have no use for a married woman other than for one thing, and I’m unwilling to give that.

My husband might have given me permission, but I have little interest in sleeping around. The risk is just too high.

Jack holds open the door to the bakery with a tense smile, the man openly scanning my figure as I walk past him. I’ve lost some weight over the past few weeks, my appetite curbed by stress, and it’s starting to show in my arms and chest.

My breasts have seemed to shrink into themselves, leaving extra room in the bodice of my dress. It’s not too noticeable, and I doubt Jack’s picking up on that particular change, but I’m still a bit sensitive about it.

“What can I get you two ladies?” Jack asks, moving to stand behind us as we look through the glass showing box.

“I’ll take the chocolate cake.” I blurt, my mouth already watering at the sight of it.

Louise doesn’t immediately respond, but after some gentle prodding from Jack, she also decides on a piece of chocolate cake. I take her arm and lead her to the table while he orders for us, enjoying the way her eyes linger on the desert.

I’m going to take it as a good sign she’s a chocolate lover like me.

“Thank you, Lady Rebecca.” She whispers, carefully taking a seat opposite me.

My nose scrunches before I can stop it, finding the title unnecessary.

“You can call me Rebecca in public.” I promise, giving her hand a soft pat.

She flushes, her face lowering toward the table to hide a grin. It’s not incredibly common for a maid to be given such luxuries by the lady of the house, but I find her presence enjoyable. She’s quick-witted, and when we’re alone, she is more than eager to share the drama she overhears from the other servants.

Jack returns shortly with our cake, and shoots me a wink as I grab my fork and force myself to eat it politely. I’d grab it with my hands and shove it straight into my mouth if I could.

“Elijah doesn’t stock the kitchen with enough sugar or cocoa for deserts like this to be made.” I comment.

It’s not new to me, my father the same way, but I always imagined I’d marry a man with a tooth as sweet as mine. We could have special nights where we cuddle and indulge ourselves, and when I grow large with a baby, he would feed me while I bathe.

It’d be perfectly romantic, and I could grow red in the face just as Minnie does as I share details of it with my dearest friends.

I’m sad I’ll never be able to join in on their sweet confessions, but life’s full of disappointments.

“Well, that just gives you the perfect excuse to come to town and enjoy a weekly treat with your dearest younger brother.” Jack chimes in, using the title I know he hates to cheer me up.

It works, and I bite back a laugh as I nod and agree.

Someday Jack will find a wife and start a family of his own, and I’m looking forward to it. I already know he’ll keep his home stocked with sweets and children, my two favorite things. I’ll be the best aunt those children have ever seen, spoiling them with toys and games.

Especially if I’m never granted any of my own.

I clear my throat and sneak a bite of Jack’s cake when I finish mine, giggling as he hits my fork with his own to keep me away.

“You can have the rest of mine!” Louise offers, nudging her plate in my direction.

I wave her away with a smile, refusing to eat any of her food. I was only doing it to annoy Jack, and would never dare to steal her food. Especially when I know having something like this is a rare treat for her.

I’m fortunate enough to be able to travel and purchase myself some whenever I want, but the cost is too much for a maid. Maybe they’ll indulge on a birthday or holiday, but even that’s a hard maybe.

Jack and Louise make easy conversation, and I sit back and listen to the pair with a soft smile. There seems to be a bit of connection between the two, and I fail to hide my smirk as he begrudgingly stands and excuses himself after a good hour.

I suck my lips into my mouth, swallowing my teasing remarks as I wish him a good day and leave the shop with Louise.

“You and my brother seemed to get along quite well.” I comment, voice low so I don’t embarrass her.

She chokes anyway, her head snapping to the side to face me. I keep my gaze straight ahead, but I’m sure she can still see my fat grin.

“Rebecca!” She scolds, voice cracking. “He’s a Lord.”

I shrug.

“He’s the youngest boy with four older brothers.” I happily inform. “That gives him much more freedom in his choices.”

Louise doesn’t respond, not that I expect her to, but her flustered huff is enough. It seems she has a bit of a crush on Jack, and I’m all too eager to bring her to the bakery with me next week.

Thoughts of matchmaking keep my mind busy as we slide into the carriage and begin the journey back home, but they fail to keep me occupied the entire way.

My nerves return as the estate comes into view, and I find myself clutching my stationery to my chest as our vehicle rolls to a stop and the driver pulls open my door.

I’m grateful when Louise speaks up and asks him to close it, buying me a few minutes to collect myself before going inside.

She rubs my back, offering silent support until I work up the courage to leave. I straighten my spine and tilt my chin upward as I push open the door myself, refusing to look anything less than perfectly composed as I step out of the carriage and glide toward the front doors.

This is my home too, and I won’t be made to fear it.

Chapter 8

My fingers fly across the keys, and I let my eyes slip shut as the notes vibrate through my body. It took little convincing from Louise to get me to play her a song, the woman insistent in her desire to see the grand piano in the sitting room be used.

She says Elijah has never used it, and I agree it's a shame for such a beautiful piano to go without use. It must have cost a small fortune, and I wonder why Elijah would even spend the money to upkeep one if he doesn't know how to play.

I feel a smile spread over my lips as my fingers move faster over the keys, the movements muscle memory at this point. I spent hours practicing this song, perfecting every note and pause.

My intentions were to play it to suitors to show them just how talented I am, hoping they would find themselves excited over the idea of having me play for our guests at a dinner party when they heard me.

I was so nervous I never let anybody sit in and listen to me practice, convinced they were going to jinx me, and it feels good to have somebody actually listen to the song I spend hours working on.

I'm greeted with a loud clap when I finish, and turn toward Louise with a grin. She stands, continuing her embarrassing clapping until I flush and gesture for her to sit down.

She's quickly become a great friend, bringing me somebody to talk to during the long days I spend stuck in this damned house. The head housekeeper is less than pleased that I'm always dragging her employee outside to walk with me in the gardens or keep me company during meals, but she won't dare speak up.

At least not to me.

I'm sure she's already expressed her concerns to Elijah, probably complaining to him about my inappropriate behavior, but unfortunately for her, he doesn't care about what I do or who I do it with. I could be dragging a man around with me and I doubt he'd even notice, let alone tell me to stop.

"Why didn't you tell me you could play like that?" Louise gasps, rushing toward the music books I set aside earlier.

She flips through them before finding one she deems as hard, and sets it on the stand before waving to the keys. I laugh, loving the challenge as I turn back to the piano. I haven't attempted this one before, and scan over the sheet music before nodding to myself and placing my fingers over the starting keys.

I go a bit slower for my first run, testing the movements until I find the pattern and speed up.

It feels good to play again, and I laugh and restart the section I'm on when I accidentally mess up. I'm proud of myself for only making a few mistakes, though, and immediately start over once I finish the song.

"Lord Hughes!"

Louise's words stop me in my tracks, my fingers freezing as I glance away from the music sheet and search for my husband.

It's not hard to find him, the man standing in the doorway just outside the room. He leans his shoulder against it, and clasps his hands behind his back as he watches me. I don't know how long he's been standing there, and hate that I've inadvertently been playing for him.

"Don't stop on my account." He states, nodding toward the piano.

I gulp before leaning back and shutting the lid.

"I'm finished for today." I decide, closing the music book and returning it to the pile with the others.

I'm faintly aware of Louise leaving the room, the woman's footsteps quiet as she hurries away. I don't blame her, and wait for her to disappear before standing and facing Elijah.

He looks angry, but that's nothing new. I can tell by his reaction that he wasn't anticipated me rejecting him, but I don't know what else he expected me to do after the way he's been treating me.

I don't owe him anything.

A few awkward seconds of silence pass before he pushes off the doorway and steps into the sitting room. It's a small space, and his presence makes it feel suffocating.

I do my best to appear nonchalant as I scan the table for my gloves, wanting to be prepared to put them on. I've been firm in my decision not to touch him, and have taken to carrying them around the estate with me just in case.

Thankfully I've never had to use them, the man avoiding me just as much as I am him, but I should've known my luck would run out eventually. Elijah doesn't say anything as he watches me move toward the table they're resting on and slip them on, but I can tell by his clenched jaw he's not happy about it.

I'm sure he's recognized what I'm doing with them by now, but if he wants to take them away, he's going to be met with a fight.

"Yes?" I ask.

He's never gone out of his way to speak to me before, and I'm desperate to get whatever conversation he intends to have over with. He probably wants to lecture me about something, and I cross my arms over my chest as I wait to hear it.

"I came to inform you that my brother will be arriving tomorrow evening, and will be staying here for a week." He states, staring at the wall behind my head. "I'd like you to join us for dinner while he's here."

I stare blankly, thinking carefully over my response. This isn't what I anticipated he would say, and don't know how to respond. I've grown quite comfortable with my hermit lifestyle, and don't intend to change it any time soon.

"I'm sure your brother will be delighted to spend some alone time with you." I try, raising the pitch of my voice so I sound excited.

Elijah's chest expands as he sucks in a deep breath, the reaction telling me he's not going to fall for my attempts. Still, I don't concede. At this point I'm pretty confident he isn't going to physically hurt me, and if he wants me to join him so badly, he can ask nicely.

"Rebecca," He sighs.

"Elijah." I retort.

If he wanted a docile, eager-to-please wife, he should have done the research to find one. That's the entire purpose of courting, to seek out a person you enjoy being around. He skipped that, stole the opportunity from both of us, and I refuse to feel bad about not being the woman he wants.

The old Rebecca would have loved to host a dinner, and probably would have even gone as far as to work with the head chef to decide on a menu and place settings. I loved these things and the praise I received from my friends and family after a well-run night, but Elijah isn't going to get that from me.

He'll be lucky if I even come.

"You should ask your mistress to join you." I state, my anger fueling and proving my pettiness. "I'm sure your brother would love to meet her."

Elijah recoils, his reaction dramatic. It's not polite for a woman to acknowledge when her husband has stepped out, but it's also not polite for a man to parade his mistress around their marital home. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but I'm more than okay losing my sight if it means his loses his as well.

"You enjoy going to that bakery near the river, yes? You go every week with your maid and brother." He states.

I work my jaw side to side. How does he know that?

"I will order dessert to be delivered from there every night you accompany us for dinner." He suggests.

I shake my head, rejecting the offer. My time is worth more than that, and if he's going to bribe me, I at least want something I can't just go out and buy myself.

Elijah watches as I purse my lips, thinking over my request. I'm getting the hint that he's desperate, and have a feeling I can get something truly good out of this.

"The Duke, William, and my dearest friend Minnie are hosting a ball next month. I want you to accompany me, and I want you to act as a husband should for the entire night. She's quite excited about this party, and I don't want her to feel embarrassed by our behavior." I decide.

Elijah rocks back on his heels, his nose crinkling as he thinks it over. I know he doesn't like it, I don't either, but soon people are going to notice we don't attend any parties together. I've been avoiding accepting any invitations we've received, fearful of how he will act toward me in front of other people.

Thankfully he doesn't seem particularly keen on going out in the first place, and hasn't commented on the rejections I've been sending on his behalf.

"Very well." Elijah finally agrees.

He's storming out of the room a second later, and I watch him leave with a cocky smile. He's clearly desperate for us to act the part in front of his brother, and I'm not above taking advantage of that to get what I want.

Jack told me once that Elijah's brother visits every couple of months, and hopefully, I can use his arrival for a favor every time. Elijah hasn't expressed any issues with giving me coin when I ask for them, usually just tossing me that damned bag he keeps in his desk drawer, so I should be able to save my favors for events.

Ideally I could get him to accompany me once a month, but I'll take what I can get.

My shame over our relationship is great, and I want to keep our distance hidden as much as possible. Many marriages aren't love matches, but there's usually an air of respect between husband and wife. Elijah has none for me, and I'd like that to be kept private.

I listen to Elijah's shoes clomping against the floor, and only once they've disappeared do I follow behind him. Louise is nowhere to be seen, but fear of running into Elijah while he's still angry keeps me from searching for her.

Instead, I find my way to the backdoor and take a stroll outside.

The gardens always make me feel better, and I enjoy the heavy scent of the flowers as I make my way to the small bench nestled between the large hedges. This has quickly become my favorite place to hide, and I pray nobody walks past and spots me as I let myself have a tiny cry.

Only five minutes per day are allowed to be spent with tears, and I carefully dab at my face to keep it relatively dry in case anybody appears. Thankfully nobody does, and after my alloted time is up I rise from the bench and head back inside.

I don't trust Elijah not to turn back on his promise if I don't deliver on these dinners, and search for the head chef to chat about what she's planning on cooking.

I will blow these meals out of the water, and Elijah will have no choice but to be a proper gentleman when he accompanies me to Millie's party.

Chapter 9

I watch from my bedroom window as Elijah steps outside the front doors and walks down the steps leading to the long driveway. His hands are shoved deep in his pockets, but there’s a noticeable bounce to his step I’m unfamiliar with seeing.

The carriage approaching the house slows as it nears, and I lean in to see the elusive brother emerge from behind the closed doors.

I don’t have to wait long, and stare in surprise as a man who looks eerily similar to Elijah steps out and pulls my husband into a tight hug. It’s a shocking sight, and I’m left breathless as I watch my emotionless husband grin and clasp his brother on the shoulder.

What the hell? Who knew he was even capable of smiling, let alone so widely.

“I told you they were close.” Louise states, her shoulder brushing mine as she peers out the window next to me.

“I didn’t believe you.” I admit.

Elijah is the first to pull out of the hug, his mouth moving as he leads his brother inside. There’s no questioning their relation, both men sporting matching dark blonde hair and lean frames. Elijah’s slightly bulkier than his brother, but I’m willing to bet that has more to do with age than anything else.

Louise told me his brother’s only twenty, the same age as me, so I assume he’ll fill out within the next few years. The chef jokes about the young man’s appetite, claiming him to be a bottomless pit.

“You’ll like Will. He’s nice, and much more outgoing than Elijah.” Louise promises, moving away from the window as the two men disappear inside the house. “Let’s finish getting you ready.” She continues, wrapping her hands around my corset laces.

I grunt as she gives them a hard yank, and hold the window sill with both hands as she rushes to tie them in place. For fuck’s sake, that hurts.

“Do you think you could get another one of Elijah’s shirts for me?” I probe, giving the armpits of his a sniff.

I’ve been doing my best to wash it myself after my baths, but I don’t have soap and I don’t want to risk anybody but Louise seeing it and learning my dirty secret.

Louise hesitates, a slight grimace spreading over her lips before she hardens her expression and nods. I know she doesn’t like taking the risk, and feel bad for asking, but my body aches so much I don’t know how much longer I can keep up with this.

I suppose I could always suck it up and ask him for a shirt myself, but the last thing I want is him thinking I’m relying on him for anything. He’d probably enjoy that too much and deny me the shirt out of spite.

Louise and I hurry to get my dress on, the fabric colorful and vibrant. I took time to do my hair today, braiding and curling the pieces into an intricate updo. It’s doubtful either of the men will even notice and I’ve wasted my time for nothing, but even knowledge of that wasn’t enough to stop me.

I really do love a dinner party, even if it’s with my insufferable husband and his mystery brother.

My gloves are a bit harder to slip on because of my nervous palm sweat, and I wipe them off the best I can before shoving my hands in them and leaving my room. I clench my jaw as I pass the maid I saw in Elijah’s office the other day, and force myself not to display my anger as I head to the dining room where the two men are conversing.

It’s now or never.

With a shaky breath I step inside, plastering a large smile on my face as I rush forward to greet Elijah’s brother. He jumps from his chair the second he notices me, the man looking nothing short of ecstatic as he grabs my hand and dips his head.

“And you must be my brother’s lovely wife I’m always hearing so much about.” He greets.

I’m absolutely positive Elijah hasn’t spoken about me any, but I still pretend to be complimented as I give a shallow courtesy and introduce myself. He probably didn’t even know Elijah was married until he arrived today.

“I must be! You can call me Rebecca, or Becks if I like you.” I tease, curling my fingers around his own before releasing. “I’ll let you know which one by the end of the meal.”

He grins, taking my joke in stride. He seems eerily similar to Jack, carefree and smooth, and I can already tell we’re going to get along just fine.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful woman. I’m Will.”

I suck my cheeks into my mouth and raise a brow at his flirtation. It’s all in good fun, and has me remembering just how much I miss engaging with men who aren’t my husband. Most people are fun to talk to, and it’s a shame my husband is the one person I struggle to communicate with.

“Becks it is, then.” I laugh.

My eyes dart toward Elijah as I walk around him and lower myself into a seat. He’s already taken residence at the head of the table, and I hesitantly take the spot to his left while Will sits opposite me on his right.

Despite what everybody’s been saying, I expected Will to be similar to his brother, cold and unwelcoming, and am pleasantly surprised by the way he launches into conversation with us both the moment my butt has touched the seat. It’s relieving and, quite frankly, a welcome change from the freeze I’ve been experiencing with Elijah.

Will doesn’t seem to notice, or if he does, doesn’t comment, on his brother’s startling lack of participation, the man seeming to fade into the background as I get to know our guest.

“So tell me, how did you and my brother meet?” Will eventually asks, shooting us both an easy smile as he glances between the two of us. “I never thought I’d see the day Elijah settles down.” He continues.

The maids choose that exact moment to bring in the food, providing me a necessary few seconds of internal panic. I’m sure telling the truth that Elijah went behind my back and made a deal with my father without even speaking to me isn’t what I should share, but I never thought to ask what story Elijah is telling people.

It would be odd if we didn’t provide something similar.

Will is distracted by the food, but the moment the table is full and the maids are gone, his eyes are back on me.

“We run in the same circles and met at a party earlier this year.” I decide to go with.

It’s not entirely false. Elijah and I do frequently attend the same parties, and there was one a few months ago where we briefly spoke. We were in a small group discussing performers, and I agreed with him that magicians rarely live up to the excitement.

It was the only interaction we had the entire night, and was brief, but is the only thing I can think of.

Will’s smile grows, which I hope is a good sign, as he turns to Elijah.

“How sweet! What’s your favorite thing about your wonderful wife, Elijah?” He taunts.

I suck my cheeks into my mouth to stop smiling as I also turn toward Elijah. He blinks, his annoyance poorly hidden as he takes a bite of food instead of answering. Neither Will nor I give in, though, continuing to stare at him in waiting.

The petty part of me wants to hear what he has to say, especially considering his mistress is in the corner of the room waiting to refill our cups.

After a minute Elijah clears his throat and sets down his fork, seeming to realize we aren’t going to drop it.

“I like her hair.” He eventually decides.

It’s not exactly what I thought he’d say, and I do my best to hide my disappointment as I laugh and return to my food. I don’t know why I even bother. It’s clear Elijah has no interest in me, and I should stop searching for something that isn’t there.

Everybody likes my hair, the red color hard not to notice. It was an easy answer for him.

“How long are you staying with us?” I ask, turning the conversation back to Will.

I already know he’s here for a week, but it’s the first thing I could think of to ask. I have a feeling Elijah will turn back on his agreement if Will realizes just how poorly Elijah treats me, and I’m doing everything in my power to prevent that.

Elijah sure as hell isn’t making it easy for me, though.

“Just a week, but I’ll be back in a month or two for another visit. Poor Elijah gets lonely without his favorite sibling around.” Will responds, gesturing for the maid to refill his glass.

She makes eye contact with me while she pours, her lips twitching before she spins and does the same to Elijah. Will doesn’t seem to notice as he thanks her and returns to his food, but I can tell by the way Elijah tightens the grip on his fork that he’s uncomfortable.

I refuse to feel bad for him, though.

He made his choices, and now he has to live with them. If he didn’t want conflict between his wife and the woman warming his bed, he wouldn’t have put them in the same house together. She moves to refill my drink next, but I shake my head and move my glass out of reach.

I don’t need anything from her.

“Rebecca can play the piano.” Elijah abruptly states.

He’s in for a rude awakening if he thinks I will be playing for him and his brother this evening. I spent years and years practicing, and if he wants me to host this dinner and be entertainment, I will need more than just one party out of it.

That’s at least two and a dessert.

“I’d love to play for you, but I overworked myself yesterday and my fingers are sore.” I smoothly lie, using the excuse I’ve given to my family thousands of times at this point.

Elijah frowns, but doesn’t push the subject. I’m sure he knows I’m lying, but I don’t appreciate him offering me up like I’m some prized toy. I play for who I want, when I want, and he can’t take that from me.

He’s already gotten enough.

“Maybe next time I’ll get to hear you!” Will suggests, taking my excuse in stride.

It’s common knowledge that women say that when they don’t want to play, but most men know to play along and not push it.

The room falls silent as we return to our food, the atmosphere tense to hopefully only me. Alcohol is brought out once we finish our meal, and I take that as my cue to leave. Marriage means I can now drink, alcohol no longer prohibited, but I’m a bit nervous to try it.

I’ve seen enough people get sick after too many, and even more, make fools of themselves. I don’t trust Elijah or the maids enough to put myself into such a vulnerable state around them.

Maybe I can sneak some from the kitchens one night, and spend the night locked in my room with Louise. I’m sure she hasn’t had alcohol either, and that could be a lot of fun. My excitement rises the more I think about it, and with a hidden smile I push back my chair and rise.

“I should head upstairs now, but it was lovely meeting you.” I state, walking around the table to bid Will goodbye.

He’s quick to stand, and pulls me into a tight hug before returning to his conversation with Elijah.

I hesitate before turning to my husband, and hold my breath as I quickly duck and press our lips together. His hand curls around my hip, and I smoothly push it off as I straighten back up and turn away.

“Goodnight, Rebecca.”

I ignore Elijah’s words, too busy hurrying out of the room to respond to him.

That was a stupid thing to do.

Chapter 10

Will’s already awake when I come down in the morning, the man all smiles and jokes despite his hungover state. A thin sheen of sweat covers his forehead, and I watch him dab it away with a handkerchief before raising a shaky glass of water to his mouth.

How late were he and Elijah up last night?

My mouth twists, and I turn to glance at the doorway as I wonder if Elijah went up to bed alone. Probably not. The help is at his beck and call, and I’m sure the maids in the house are more than happy to keep him company in his bedroom whenever he desires.

Disgusting.

“How are you feeling?” I ask, forcing my attention back to Will.

He plasters a weak smile on his lips and shrugs.

“I can’t say I haven’t felt better.” He teases.

I playfully roll my eyes before standing and fetching the water pitcher off the table. It’s not my job to keep his glass full, but the maids have all stepped out of the room and I’m unsure if the poor man can lift the pitcher without spilling. He looks like death.

He offers a polite thanks as I refill his glass, and downs almost half of it in one go.

“What are your plans for today?” I ask, unable to hold back laughter as he spills some of the water on his shirt.

I do love a helpless man, and Will is ticking all those boxes this morning. He frowns and wipes at the spot, his cheeks tinting a light shade of red. I’m still shocked this man is Elijah’s brother, and if it weren’t for their uncanny resemblance, I probably wouldn’t believe it.

Elijah acts like he’s got a constant stick up his ass, but Will is already proving to be much more fun to be around. He’s lighter and significantly more carefree, and I can’t help but wish it were him I were married to instead of the insufferable grump upstairs.

“Do you like chocolate?” I ask.

Will quirks a brow, his head cocking to the side at my odd question. I suppose it was a bit unprompted.

“Of course I do.” He responds, speaking slowly.

I knew it.

He and Jack would get along well, both quite similar in personality. Maybe I can take Will to my favorite bakery in town during his stay this week. The desserts are to die for, and I’ll take any excuse I can to get off the estate.

Elijah and I fall into a comfortable silence, and I nibble on the cut fruit that was brought to me as I watch him struggle through his glass of water. It’s more than a little entertaining. This is the first time I’ve found the courage to eat breakfast downstairs, and I’m quite enjoying it.

It’s nice spending company with somebody who doesn’t work for you or forced you into marriage, and I can already tell I’m going to be devastated when Will leaves.

“What’re the odds I can convince you to stay here longer?” I ask.

Will grins, a loud laugh bubbling up from his throat as he spins to face me. The noise is cut short as the doors are pushed open and Elijah walks in, the man successfully ruining the happy atmosphere of the room.

He ruins everything.

“It seems your wife has taken quite a liking to me!” Will claims, setting down his glass with a loud clink. “She wants to know if I’ll stay longer.”

Elijah hums, his eyes finding mine as he sits at the head of the table to my right. Immediately I wish I would’ve taken up a seat further away, and shift my body so our arms don’t touch. I regret my brazen actions last night, and wish I could remove the memory of my lips voluntarily meeting his.

I was caught up in the act of playing wife and did it without thinking.

The last thing I want is Elijah getting it in his head that I want him or have feelings besides hatred for him.

“Did she?” He questions, glancing questioningly at me.

I shrug, not wanting to speak. I’m unsure how he’s going to take the news. Typically I’d like to think a husband would be happy his wife gets along so well with his family, but Elijah is anything but typical.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she likes me even more than you.” Will continues, his words joking but sharp.

Elijah sucks his cheeks into his mouth, his eyes narrowing as he scans Will. This conversation seems to be going over my head, and despite my lack of knowledge of the why, I can tell they’re speaking about more than just me.

Was there a woman before me that caused issues between the two? That’s what it sounds like. The thought has my anger spiking, and I distract myself by popping another piece of fruit between my lips.

“Well, it’s a good thing it’s not my wife’s place to invite guests into our home.” Elijah eventually retorts.

I frown, swallowing past the lump in my throat as I drop my face to my lap and Will straightens his spine. I was asking in friendly conversation, trying to express my liking toward Will and fill the silence.

I’d never have said it if I knew they’d be so weird about it.

“I was joking, Elijah.” Will snaps, jumping to my defense. “There’s no reason to insult Rebecca’s place as the lady of the estate.”

From the corner of my eye I spot Elijah’s hand curl tightly around his cup, his knuckles turning white as he pours some water and brings the beverage to his lips. Elijah ruins everything, and I wish he would have stayed in his bedroom longer.

In my ideal world he doesn’t exist, but in my second best one he at least knows when to make himself scarce.

Will calls Elijah a word I’d be disgraced for ever muttering, and I slap a hand over my mouth to hide my reaction. Behind my fingers my lips curl into a wide grin, and I struggle to hold back my giggles as Elijah visibly recoils in response to the surprising insult.

My brothers often fight, spewing cruel words and sometimes even fists, but I didn’t anticipate the same from Elijah and Will. Elijah seems much too stuffy and composed to ever do those things, and I jump slightly when he slams his glass against the table and spits an equal insult at Will.

“Rebecca is your wife, Elijah, yet she’s clearly scared of you. Look at the way she cowers away from your touch and presence.” Will snaps.

I breathe, more than a little uncomfortable with the topic of conversation. I thought I was doing a good job playing the role of a doting wife. It wasn’t perfect, but it surely wasn’t as bad as Will is making it out to be.

My arms fall to my sides before I change my mind and clasp them together on my lap. Will needs to shut up before Elijah decides not to be my date to the ball.

Sucking in a deep breath, I curse myself a hundred times before straightening up and turning to Elijah. He doesn’t look happy, his gaze locked in on his brother, and I watch him work his jaw side to side before I turn to Will.

He doesn’t look much better, and I rise to my feet before the two start to argue even further.

“I want to show you the gardens!” I blurt, spitting out the first thing that comes to mind.

Will visibly hesitates before turning away from his brother and plastering a smile on his face. It’s considered rude for them to argue in front of me like this, and will be seen as even ruder if he denies my invitation for a walk.

I hold my arm for him, still worried over his ability to stand, and he loops it through mine before letting me lead him out of the room. Elijah’s gaze burns holes in the side of my head, but I refuse to look in his direction. He ruined our breakfast by coming in and being rude, and I refuse to let him tarnish my day even more.

“I’m sorry about Elijah.” I mumble, unsure what else to say.

Will pats my arm, returning to his earlier chipper mood as he assures me it’s not my fault. He doesn’t say anything else about my husband, and I don’t want to seem rude by prying. There’s no way for me to ask without it being painfully obvious.

We make polite chit-chat about the flowers in the garden and my plans for it come Spring. It’s my job to decide what will be planted and where, but I haven’t put too much thought into it.

I’ve never cared much for plants, other than admiring them, and whoever has been doing it up until now has done an excellent job. I love how everything is arranged, and Will seems to enjoy it if his numerous compliments are anything to go by.

I’m sure this isn’t the first time he’s been out here, but I appreciate him still acting as if everything is novel.

Elijah’s gone by the time we return, and Will makes himself comfortable in the entertaining room while I head to the piano.

“Would you still like to hear me play?” I ask, slipping my gloves off my fingers.

Will perks at that, calling over a maid to bring him a glass of water. I level my expression as I watch the female I know is intimate with my husband rush to serve his brother, and pretend I don’t so much as notice her existence as I head to the bench and pull out the music sheets.

I miss playing for people.

Will sits back and listens as I start with an easier piece, warming myself up before selecting a more challenging one.

“You’re amazing!” He compliments between songs.

I flush, grinning from ear to ear as I push back a piece of my hair and meet his gaze over the top of the piano. Will is enjoyable company, and I’m happy to play for him. He looks comfortable where he sits, and crosses one ankle over his knee as he notices my eyes on him.

My gaze follows the action, lingering on his legs for just a moment longer than appropriate.

I really wish it was Will I married. He’s much better company than Elijah.

I work my way through one more song before closing up the piano and joining him at the table. He pulls out a deck of cards, laughing at my shocked expression, and sets them between us.

“Do you play?” He asks.

I shake my head.

“I’ve never been taught. My father thought it was unladylike.” I admit.

Most women know how to play a few games, but my father forbid my sisters and me from learning. He thought we had enough pitted against us because of our lack of mother, and felt that not knowing how would paint us in a favorable light.

It makes us less exciting, but suitors don’t have to worry about us gambling away their money or getting swept up in the alcohol and games and oversharing.

“Well, it’s better late than never.” Will states, giving my bare hand a reassuring squeeze before beginning to explain the basics of a game.

It’s one of the easier ones, and thankfully I’ve watched it enough times that it doesn’t take me too long to learn. We play a few rounds before Will begins to keep score, and I’m proud not to lose too terribly.

“Pretty soon, you’re going to be better than me!” Will laughs, pulling out the jokers so he can show me another game.

This one is harder, but much more fun. We play for what feels like hours, only breaking apart when a maid comes in to tell us dinner has been served and Elijah is waiting for us in the dining room. He doesn’t say anything about the tense conversation earlier or that Will and I spent most of the day in the entertaining room.

Still, the meal is awkward, and I can feel Elijah’s gaze on the side of my face the entire time. Why’s he looking at me so frequently? Do I have something on my face I don’t know about?

The second it’s appropriate I’m excusing myself and heading upstairs, more than eager to get out of this corset and crawl into bed. Today exhausted me, and the amount of laughter I did has my ribs absolutely aching.

Louise winces as she sees my bare skin, but I can’t bring myself to look. I think it’s getting exceptionally bad, worse than it’s ever been, but I still have months before I no longer have to endure this.

At least two or three.

“I will sneak into his chambers and steal as many shirts as I can for you tonight.” She whispers, taking my hand to help me into the tub.

I nod, wincing as the hot water hits my skin.

“Thank you!” I breathe. “And please don’t worry about storing them until the morning. You’re welcome to come here and drop them off.” I assure, not wanting to burden her with the stress of having to keep them hidden from all the other maids.

I’m sure she shares a room with others, and she’s already taking a massive risk for me.

She nods, and I do my best not to show any physical signs of discomfort as she helps me to bed.