The Captain's Heart CH 107

“Hi mom. I don’t even know if you are going to get this. My friend tells me there’s bound to be ways, but somehow I doubt that after what

“Hi mom. I don’t even know if you are going to get this. My friend tells me there’s bound to be ways, but somehow I doubt that after what they did to me, those people are going to make it easy for anything I have to say to make it to Earth. Not that I’m going to talk about that.

“You won’t believe how hard it’s been to get myself to record this. It’s been suggested since well before…well for a long time now. At first, after finding out what you did to me, or allowed to be done. From what I remember, your role in it isn’t that clear. I was too angry. Then I was too busy dealing with life here and then they…. Well, now, I won’t say that I’m angry still, more confused.

“I mean, why mom? What was so fucking difficult to accept about me not being like other guys? Why did finding a few drawings of me and Kelsirians send you up the walls and calling a doctor? Because the government told you to? Are we so fucking mindless we do everything they say without once questioning it? Do you know what they put me through? How they hounded me everywhere after that treatment? How they used mind control stuff so I wouldn’t be able to even look at a guy without feeling sick? How could you let them do that to me, Mom?”

He paused the recording to give himself time to calm down. He hadn’t intended on losing his temper, and considered removing that, but maybe if she saw how it still affected him on some level, she’d…. He didn’t know what he expected from her. It wasn’t like she had any teenagers left to treat better, and his siblings would have already figured out how to raise their own kids. Almost certainly following the government’s guideline perfectly.

Fuck, he’d almost certainly be in the same position if he’d stayed on Earth after university. So many people, so much pressure to do as expected. Maybe that was the real reason he’d accepted the position on Einstein. No parents asking on a weekly basis when he’d give them grandkids. No coworkers always asking who he’d bring to the company party.

Well, not as many of them, anyway. Although the questions now took on a new slant with how close doctor Omar Seywan stayed to him; what he was pretty sure he’d realized about him.

Maybe that had played a part in leaving. One added to the utter inexplicable misery he’d felt.

He started the recording again. “Sorry about that. I’m not recording this to lay blame for something that happened decades ago, and for which, you couldn’t know the consequences of. This is to tell you that I’m good. I’m doing well, in spite of everything that’s been done to me. I’m not perfect, but I’m confident I’m heading there.

“I don’t know what they told you about me. If they told you anything. I’ve found someone, and working through the problems that caused. I have a job and friends. The work’s not what I’d prefer. I’m way overqualified for it, if I’m being honest. But Kelsirians think differently about that stuff, and that means there can only be one engineer on a ship like this, and I’m not it. I was, for a bit, while he recovered from the injuries that are the reason that led to me meeting him, but when he came back, I was…demoted is too strong a word, but I had to become a technician. It was something of a learning curve. Not taking action was the hardest part to really learn. Kelsirians are strong on rank and there being an order to things. Chief among them, not inconveniencing the civilians on the ship. Hunters can suffer, but civilians shouldn’t have to.

“Like I said, Kelsirians think differently.

“There’s still a certain level of challenge. Regularly, he’ll give me a job and not tell me anything about it beyond, ‘fix it.’ And I’ll have to work it out on my own. One time, the longest thing to work out was what was actually wrong. And yes, I could probably have gone to him and asked, but I also trusted that he wouldn’t give me work he didn’t think I could do, and I didn’t want to prove him wrong.

“My friends are from quite a few places on the ship. A couple are coworkers, as you’d expect, although one of them is also a hunter, which makes him part of their military, although it’s not quite that. Rank is important to them, and that means that who they report to matters and hunters don’t report to the military directly. They report to a…different power, which I don’t know if I could explain within this recording.”

He chuckled.

“If you get this and find a way to reply, and are curious about Kelsirian belief systems, ask and I’ll do my best to give you the details in a way that makes sense.

“I have other friends among the hunters, a civilian mechanic, even the Psychologist has become enough of a friend that she let me use a shorter form of her name…. It’s a Kelsirian thing, Mom. Something else you can ask about if you reply, if you’re interested.

“During my…isolation after what happened, I taught myself to cook. The printed food’s good, but Kelsirians don’t do complex meals the way we do, something else you can ask about. I’ve got bread down pretty good. Ground meat was more about making the tool. Kelsirians don’t ground theirs. With that I managed a good shepherd’s pie, although just about every ingredient had to be substituted. Your dad’s strawberry pie still won’t firm up. If you reply, sent me his recipe, I would love to know what I’m not doing right. Pie is another thing Kelsirians don’t do. Like I said, their meals are on the simple side compared to ours.”

Out of other idea, he sighed. “I guess that’s going to be it. Just know that I’m happy. I love you.” He was about to end the recording when he realized he’d forgotten something. “Tell Dad I love him too.”

He ended it, hesitated, then sent it to his friend. He checked the time, still had some before he needed to be ready for his shift, so he headed to his drafting table to work on personal projects.

*

Jeremy had just taken the loaf of bread out of this oven on returning from work when the door buzzed. Calling up the image, he froze at the human on the other side of his door.

The programming wasn’t jumping around at a prospective rescue, but he still wasn’t sure he wanted to be around him. He hadn’t been around any human since his torture.

He was older than Jeremy expected. The neat beard and short brown hair streaked with gray. He looked a bit pale, but he realized that on a crashed ship, there wasn’t much chance to get sunlight.

He banged on the door, and Jeremy startled.

“Look,” he said, and for it to make it through the door, he had to be yelling. “I’ve been told you might not want to be around me after what’s been done to you, and I get it. Not sure I’d want anyone reminding me of them either, but I’m in a pickle. Turns out my beer’s poisonous to the people on this ship, and it was either drink it pronto, or that captain of theirs would space my kegs. Since I’d rather not kill myself of alcohol poisoning after that stuff gave me reasons to live. I thought you—”

Jeremy opened the door. “Where did you get beer out here?”

“Made it.” The man offered his hand. “Bob.”

Jeremy considered it, then shook it. “Technician Jeremy Bradshaw.” At the raised eyebrow, he added, “being of the same species doesn’t make us friends enough for anything shorter.”

“More curious that you do that, period. But, hey. You do you, you know?”

“You have an odd way of speaking, Bob.” Jeremy motioned the man in.

“That’ll happen when you spend so long alone with only ancient Earth recording speaking to you. Something smells good.” The man licked his lips. “Is that bread? Do they actually have bread on this ship and no one told me? I would kill for the taste of bread.”

“It’s mine. Kelsirians don’t do leavened doughs.”

“Can I have some?” He produced a datachip. “This was going to be my other bribe if the beer didn’t let me in. But I’ll offer it in exchange for some of that bread. It’s a bunch of prints of human meals.”

Jeremy laughed. “What, there was nothing about printing bread in it?”

“The data was corrupted in the crash. All deserts and breads are gone. Still lots of good stuff, though. When’s the last time you have chicken pot pie?”

“Okay, that’s worth it for bread.” And being able to print something would make it easier to recreate it. Variety, beyond his steaks and attempts at desserts, would be nice. And… “is there butter in here?”

“Yep.”

Jeremy hurried to add the recipes to the printer, and then they enjoyed hot bread with freshly printed butter, along with the beer.

*

“And then,” Bob snickered. “That lizard’s eyes went, I kid you not, three times as wide as he looked at the business end of my EX-862 before I blasted him between the eyes.”

“You fought against the Taournians?” Jeremy asked.

“Yep.” Bob frowned. “Pretty sure I did.” He shrugged. “They screwed up my mind pretty badly too, at least twice, maybe more. Made a mess of things in there, but I’m pretty sure that one’s real.” He raised his shirt and showed three parallel scars. “One of them gave me those.”

“They didn’t heal them fully?”

That gave Bob pause. “I guess not. Maybe I told them not to. I do like them.”

Jeremy chuckles. “I would not want any reminder of any fight I’d get into. Fuck, I had my burns healed completely after I pulled the anti-matter containment from the reactor.”

“You’re shitting me. Why’d you go and do that? They have experts to handle those.”

“And you are looking at him.” He grinned.

“You said you’re a tech.”

“Here. On Einstein, I was one of two anti-matter engineers, if you don’t count Doctor Manuel, but by the time I came on, she did mostly administrative stuff.”

“And they made you a tech here?”

“Already have an Engineer, can’t have two. It was be a tech or just be a stay at home—” He was surprise that even drunk, he managed to stop that thought before the programming caught on. Or maybe that was also drunk.

The snicker turned into full on laughter, and Bob just stared at him.

“I’m okay,” Jeremy said, once he could breathe.

“I’ll take your word for it,” Bob replied flatly, and took another long swallow.

Jeremy eyed his empty glass, the two kegs on the counter, one of which wasn’t open yet, and he wasn’t sure if he should have more.

Bob stood, then wobbled. “Got to use the can.”

“I think you’d be better off with a toilet.”

“Old word for it. Where is it?”

He pointed to the hall. “Third door on the left is the shower room. The toilets are at the back. Use anyone one other than the right one. That one’s mine.”

“You have a toilet just for you?”

“Kelsirians are very private about going to the toilet.”

“You don’t look like one of them.”

He shrugged. “I’ve lived here long enough to pickup on it. And I like never having to worry about if someone will move my stuff. Had to deal with that at university. I do not ever want to deal with it again. So if you use mine, I better not be able to tell, or…. I’ll think of a way to make you pay.”

“You have my word I won’t.” Bob staggered down the hall.

Jeremy was startled from his alcohol induce semi-slumber by Bob yelling. “Holy fuck! You have an actual weight machine in here?” He wondered how long it had been. He was confident he’d made out the door when the other human reach the toilet but then…

Jeremy took longer than he liked, staggering to the room. Bob was on the bench, trying to push the handle up.

“Why isn’t it working?”

“It’s locked. You need to scan you bracelet. They gave you one, right?”

Bob patted his pockets, then pulled it out.

Jeremy showed him his. “You should wear it. It’s easier.” He scanned it. “Just pass it and it’ll create a profile. It’ll run you through different weight to adjust your settings.”

“That’s a lot of work for something in your room. You get a lot of visitors?”

“Designed the first one for a public room in one of the alleys, and I…. Oh, you might want to stay out of those, they’re leisure areas and Kelsirians engage in….”

“I know, and I saw. Got quite the eye full, too. These people do like their groups, don’t they?”

Jeremy blushed at the memory of some such group he’d seen. “Didn’t think you’d be so unbothered.”

Bob shrugged. “Different species. Not going to hold them to human government standards.”

Jeremy noticed the wording and pushed through the alcohol haze. “Government standards. Not your standards?”

“Found out I’m like you as part of what lead to having to get rid of my beer. Well, confirmed it. Had suspicions before, I’d started looking at Lenny in…well, not government approved way, but he killed himself before I really knew how I felt. After that, along for way too long, the mind goes its own ways. The government really wouldn’t approve of how I went about getting my pleasure. Here, three of them made their interest in me really clear. They got sick before things got very far, but it was far enough for me to know I wanted it, with both genders.”

“And did you?”

“Sorry. I don’t kiss and tell.”

Jeremy chuckled. “That kind of makes you the exception on this ship, it feels at times. The Kelsirians I know are not shy about talking about the sex they’ve had.”

“How about you? You have…. Right, probably not something you want to talk about after what you went through.”

He focused on his breathing, even if he couldn’t manage to visualize the containment chamber. It seemed to be enough. There was a muddled attempt by the programming at starting a panic spiral, but there was no strength behind it.

“I’m good,” he told the other man, “but yes, I’m not thinking about that right now.”

Outline section 

When Jeremy found out there was another human on the ship, he knew it would be a matter of time before they sought him out or Thuruk got it in his head that they should meet. What he didn’t expect was the human showing up with two five gallon kegs, saying they had half a week to drink it, because if any was left by the time they reached the station it was going to be put to the torch.

While Jeremy appreciated an at least decent beer that had a kick to it again, he wasn’t about to become an alcoholic. Thankfully, there were other uses for alcohol, and the Bob just happened to provide Jeremy with some of the tools in order to use it.

Humans had been sending deep space probes out into the vast well before they had gotten off their planet to any reasonable degree. And, not knowing lightspeed travel would be discovered the equipped these probes with what might one day be an alien race’s first contact with humanity. Then they discovered lightspeed and forgot all about them like all the rest of the space trash. Bob picked them up as part of his history salvage efforts, and while some of the earlier ones had very low data density, the later ones were so jam packed it was like they couldn’t decide the line between quality and quantity.

That’s how, amongst all the cinematic tours of Earth, documentaries, encyclopedias and even dictionaries, at least three cook books were found on the pobes Bob picked up. And while Jeremy will take awhile to see what he can use from them, right now he has the an actual potent alcohol to use with some of the various recipes. He’s going to have to search for something else, though. He isn’t limited to kelsirian markets, the Viper’s Bane docks at federation ports all the time.

So there he is, engaged in small talk with Bob as the last of beer simmers away in a tomato sauce. The ship docked two hours ago, so they technically missed the deadline, but when security comes to confiscate the contraband they’ll be hard pressed separating it from the sauce. For Bob this will be his last meal on the ship; a representative of the kelsirian government will be showing up to walk him through all the things he’s going to be need to be aware of as a human living in exile from the human territories till such a time he can get one of the federation governments to accept him.

In fact when the knock on the door comes it isn’t security, but that representative; Ambassador Querik. Or, as Querik explains, just Querik for now. He’s taken a new position in order to spend more time in kelsirian space with his mates. He’ll be the one talking Bob through all his legal expectations in the Federation, but he’s happy to catch up with Jeremy while he’s here.

One thing will lead to another in their conversation, and Querik will eventually talk Jeremy into giving him a tour of the Viper’s Bane while he’s here. Jeremy will try to protest, but Bob doesn’t mind; he hasn’t gotten much of a look around the ship himself and if this is his last chance... well Jeremy is outvoted so the sauce is put aside.

When asked where Querik wanted to go first, the kelsirian said why not start with Jeremy’s favorite place on the ship. This starts with engineering, and when talk reveals it’s just the top of many places he likes on the ship they go through the entire gambit of the mess hall and three of the recreation rooms... but Jeremy can tell this isn’t what Querik wants. And eventually, he gives it to him.

So Jeremy heads back to the residential section of the ship, but doesn’t head to the room he’s been using for the past month. Instead he heads to his old room... Gral’s room. He’ll buzz the door... and after a moment be let in. Gral will be surprised to see him, but instead of answering that confusion Jeremy will just hug Gral and say that this... this is his favorite place on the ship.

Gral and Jeremy will have a moment, closing out the book.

Use the phrase “I belong here. I don’t need anyone to tell me that.”

Addition 

Jeremy finally records a message to his mother.

This is the last official chapter outline of the book, and it packs so much in it that I don’t know how we ever expected it to just be one chapter

The message to his mother is something I’d been meaning to write for quite a while, and because of how much time actually passes, the reasons he gives for the delay might be stretching things a bit.

As shown in the outline, Bob’s visit was planned, but sort of went in its own direction. Addressing Bob sexuality here wasn’t really part of the plan but it fit.