Weight worries and a Tit Tulpa?

Okay, so the last couple of weeks have been insane. I need to start filling y'all in before I start forgetting what's actually happened. (I probably won't get to all of it in this blog anyways)

So 3 weeks ago I started actually shopping again. As I'm sure y'all were aware, I'd been wearing the same tank tops for a long time, which were not fitting much. I know y'all like the overflowing and boobs busting out of my tops look, but to me it's less of a fashion choice and more of a necessity since nothing really fits over them.

I've been getting a bit nervous to go shopping in person but I'm also boycotting Amazon since I know several people who work for them and have terrible experiences.

That can be a little tough though since anything in my size is extremely hard to find in brick and mortar shops. I may have to do a little bit of online shopping, but I'll mostly boycott.

The friend whose house I've been going over to help me do my water displacement breast weight measurements is also pretty busty (relatively speaking) and brought me to a smaller shop she knows.

We got together this weekend and the measurement for weight is 24.2 pounds.

24.2.... POUNDS .. of boob.

If you're keeping score at home, that's more growth.

It's odd, I should be used to it by now but somehow I'm not. My doctors have told me they're still growing, my bras being overwhelmed has been a constant reminder that the fabric that use to encase them got full of boob, and then started having tiddy push out from the top, then the sides, eventually even the bottoms as more and more boob was forced into the same amount of fabric...

But it still shocks me seeing the actual weight go up. I guess it seems like all of those other things could be in my mind or errors, but numbers are hard to lie with.

The person I feel most comfortable talking about this stuff with is my best friend Helen, (i asked her and she said it alright to share the picture above). As you can see, she's quite busty herself so she is shocked at my size, but understands a bit more than the average woman would...does.

Before we took that picture I had a bra on, and she told me I should just take one without it on. I find it so embarrassing having to have my bra straps show anyway, but I also HATE hello, they hang on my body now. I feel like it's so grotesque.

She's very body positive and always tries to get me to leave the house in outfits like this, although to even get close to going I'd need to put my bra on, and then probably a jacket on top of that. Maybe a compression layer....

I'm definitely learning to love my breasts more, but hiding them is still part of my daily routine. It's also hard to get used to something that keeps changing.

This is the fourth time I've been to her house now to measure them and it's shocking just how much they've grown. (Before and after pics coming soon)

When I first weighed them under a year ago they were a little over 9 pounds each ...

To now be past 12 each is scary.

I've been seeing a lot more women with gigantomastia online and had some reach out to me for advice on how to deal with it. I don't have a clue what to say to them. I don't even have a bra that fits on the band and the cup.

For those of y'all who aren't aware, the band is what sits on your torso, and the cup is the actual "cup" that holds your breasts.

Since my breast started to become so disproportionate to my body, I've needed to wear band sizes that are bigger than my actual torso. It makes a lot more space for boob, but the issue is that it doesn't really hold them the way a bra should. And it's gotten worse as they've grown. Causes boob overflow from under the cups.

The idea of a reduction came into my mind again recently, as I've told y'all in these blogs before, I do waffle back and forth on whether or not they've gotten too big. Although y'all have definitely helped me to feel more confident, and that I'm not a freak, it's just an abnormal amount of breast...

And that's okay.

I'm still feeling that tension between being seen as just a massive pair of breasts, and the deep spiritual, open, and honest woman that I am underneath.

Underneath...

An odd way to talk about myself LOL.

As though there's them, and then me underneath. I remember when I just thought of my boobs as me, but at this point they've gotten large enough to be their own entity.

Entiddy.

Recently I was talking to someone about how their size and their sensitivity can interrupt my meditation. How I find myself being disturbed by growth pains and soreness inside them while I'm deep in meditation.

Feeling my glands pulsate when I'm that deep can bring me away from the present moment and make me think about their growth.

 He told me about something called a Tulpa.

Apparently the idea is It's a materialized being that can be created while deep in meditation. Illustrations of them make them seem like angels and demons usually. He said that maybe I'd accidentally created a Tit Tulpa...

Immediately I began picturing an ethereal ghostly version of myself, But... With even larger breasts. Ridiculously large cumbersome masses so large that she could barely walk.

Her breasts enveloped me, and she sat behind me while I meditated, whispering to my breasts

"That's it, good job girls. More. More.

A chill ran down my spine as I began to rationalize that this is obviously crazy.

Obviously right?

Even without a bra on my breasts are wider than me, and past my belly button now, But clearly it's just a hormonal issue, not some multi-dimensional Spirit being that I created by accident right?

Lol.

Writing this out. I feel a little better LOL, I'm not really worried about it but it is crazy what the mind can do.

Almost as crazy as what hormones have actually done.

24.2 pounds of crazy and I can feel inside them that they aren't done.

If I'm being honest with y'all, I haven't been drinking the soy milk either, getting a bit freaked out because they don't seem to need it at all.

Anyways. Thx for reading y'all.

Trying to update again once a week at least.

-Plushy