Slovenly

Hi! 

This is an oldie from my currently out-of-print story collection College Dive Bar, 1 AM. I remember the specific intersection I was on when I got the idea for it (Forbes & Atwood, 15213), where I saw a thick, sexy-but-sorta-dumpy-looking boy walk by in a pair of sweatpants. Anyway, hope you dig it. 

xoxo, 

Natty

***

Sometimes I wonder, why bother? I go out and shit, go to parties and bars and get drunk with my roommates. We just end up talking to each other. It’s like, I could do that at home. Drink shitty beer and smoke cigarettes and hang out with my stupid roommates.

We’re supposed to be meeting girls. I have to change my clothes, wear whatever’s clean, pay five bucks for a cup if we’re at a party or more for drinks at a bar. I never end up meeting any girls. They don’t talk to me.

Girls drive me crazy. I’m in this one class with a bunch of girls. I’m practically the only guy. All the girls are friends with each other and they talk to each other and answer all the questions and are just annoying. Some of ‘em are hot. One time this girl started talking to me, asking me what I was doing for this project. It’s a sociology class and we were doing a thing on deviance— we had to go out and do something that people wouldn’t normally do, something strange, and then see how people react and, like, write a report about it.

I said, “I don’t know.” She started telling me her idea, which was to wear a mask into a bank. I sorta laughed, like, “Yeah, that’s weird,” and she asked me again: “You really don’t know what you’re doing?”  

“No,” I said. I guess I felt defensive. Maybe I said it mean.  

“Okay,” she said, like I was crazy, and turned away from me.  

We had to pick partners for the project that day and I thought about asking her, but she glanced at me, like, real quick and paired up with this other girl. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t have an idea or if I’d pissed her off or what. Who the fuck knows.

So I ended up getting paired with Steve, who’s the only other guy there besides me and Tristan.

Tristan’s the one I want to tell you about. He’s gay, and he’s friends with all those girls. They were practically fighting to get to work with him on the project.  

Me and Steve’s project ended up being really stupid. I did it all myself. I rode an elevator and, instead of facing the door, I faced the back. Nobody even really noticed, but I couldn’t think of anything else to do and that was what the professor suggested.  

So I gave my dumb report while Steve just stood there, and then Tristan went.  

Tristan had gone to this bathroom in the basement of Posvar hall, which is where gay guys go to have sex. Apparently. I couldn’t believe it. I’ve been in that bathroom a million times. But he was talking about how guys actually go there and have sex in it, how there’s even a hole carved into the two far stalls so one guy can put his dick through it and another guy can suck it.  

Our professor was all into it, asking a million questions. Guys just go into this bathroom to get head. Like, that’s it. They don’t talk. They get blown and they leave. I was wondering, like, how do they know who’s gonna give the blowjob and who’s gonna get it? Or do they always do both?  

I wanted to ask, but the girls in the class seemed weirded out by it, like they liked Tristan when he was just this fun gay guy, but didn’t want to hear about gay sex. His partner hadn’t even gone with him. She seemed to have done as much as my partner, which was nothing.

Anyway, yeah, this sort of blew my mind. I even went to that bathroom that afternoon just to see if I could see anything. I’d never noticed before, but there was a definite vibe to the place. I didn’t see anything, but you could tell.

Meanwhile, I’m supposed to be going out, like, every night, Thursday through Sunday, trying to get laid. My one roommate, Mike, he’s obsessed with it, getting laid, and it annoys the fuck out of me. “Let’s go to a fucking party. I need to get laid. We need to meet chicks, bring ‘em back here, blah blah blah.” It’s endless. Or we’ll be at a party and he’ll immediately want to go somewhere else, ‘cause there’s not enough girls there.  

So somehow I just admitted to myself, I really don’t care about getting laid. I definitely want to, but I’m not gonna drive myself nuts trying to.

I kept thinking about Tristan’s thing, that bathroom. Especially one thing he’d said, which was basically that gay guys aren’t picky. They’re guys after all. They just want a dick, especially a big dick. He actually said that.

And you know, I’ve got a big dick. It’s like nine inches hard. I’m not bragging, just being real. I’ve watched a lot of porn. It’s a nice dick.  

One of the things we talk about in this sociology class is how we basically have all these rules that we live by, but they’re sort of random, like the Japanese give all these gifts, or some cultures expect you to do certain things, but others don’t. It makes you realize that there’s really no right way to live, like it’s all just bullshit that people made up or decided on.

These thoughts were running through my head the week after Tristan gave his presentation. So, next class, I’m standing outside afterward smoking, and Tristan comes out with all those girls and they stood near me, talking. Then all the girls left and Tristan was still there. He comes up to me and is like, “Can I bum a cigarette?” So we’re standing there smoking.

He asks me if I’m doing anything for spring break. I’m like, no. He’s like, me either. I knew he wasn’t hitting on me, but at the same time I’m thinking. I’m wondering if he’s the type of gay guy to want to suck some guy’s dick just ‘cause it’s big, or if when he said that, he was just talking about gay guys in general. But really, how could you know all that stuff about the bathroom if you hadn’t, like, done some of it?

I asked him what grade he got and he said an A, which is, like, no surprise. But the more I stood there, the more I got crazy horny. I was almost sure he would suck me if I asked him. It didn’t seem like it could be that easy, but it really was. He’d written a fucking report on it!

I said, “Your report was great.” He said thanks. I said, “You know what you were saying about those guys in the bathroom? How they’ll, like, go down on anybody?”

He’s like, “Yeah, it’s true. Especially if they have a big dick.” There was this pause where he looked right at my crotch. There was no mistaking it.  

“I have a big dick,” I said. He said, “I suspected it.” I told him, “I live right up on Semple if you want to come over.” He asked me if I had any roommates, and I was like, “Yeah, but they’re at class.” And he says, “Let’s go.” Just like that.

We’re walking back together, not even talking, and I’m dripping in my pants. I knew I was horny, but I had no idea I needed it so bad.

Luckily, nobody was actually home. I’d said it just hoping, not that I would’ve cared if anybody was home. I was so unbelievably horny at that point, and it had just come on so fast, like a fucking tsunami, that I would’ve just locked my door, but it seemed like Tristan cared.  

I locked my door anyway just in case. I sat on my bed, and Tristan got right down in front of me and started undoing my jeans, just like that. I don’t know what I expected, maybe that we’d have to talk a little bit or something first, but he just went for it. I helped him get my pants down over and off my legs, and he pulled my hard cock and balls out of my boxers. All he said was “wow,” then he went down on me.

Now, I hadn’t gotten laid for a while before this, but I’m no virgin. I haven’t had a ton of pussy, but I’ve had a few blowjobs, and honestly, nothing compared to this. He took it all the way down to the balls on the first pass, and that’s no small feat. He was kind of choking on it, but you could tell he was into it at the same time, like he took it as a challenge. Back up again and back down, again and again. He was sucking so tight and I was gripping the sides of my bed knowing that it wasn’t going to be long, but trying so fucking hard to hold off ‘cause it was just too good.  

I could tell he wanted to get my nut. That made it even better. I’ve never gotten head from anybody where I felt like they wanted to get my nut, you know? I could feel it through my whole body, and at the same time, it was blowing my mind. Like, ten minutes ago, I hadn’t expected anything. Now I was back at my house getting one of the best blowjobs of my life. From a dude, to be sure, but who cared? 

My nuts started to scrunch up, and he stopped and started licking them.  

“That feels good,” I said.

“You’re gonna cum really fast, aren’t you?”

I sorta laughed. “Yeah, I can’t help it. You’re good.”

“You’ve got an amazing cock. I just knew you would. Guys like you always have such huge dicks.”

“Guys like me?”

“Yeah, guys like you that are sort of, like, humble and quiet. I love guys like you.”

“Thanks,” I said, but really what he said had sort of touched me, lame as that sounds. I guess I go around figuring girls think I’m this pathetic slob. Well, my last girlfriend said as much. But this dude found me attractive, and for something that was all me, too.

“Let’s take off your boxers,” he said. I think he was trying to think of ways to make me last a little longer, sort of draw it out, and I was fine with that. “Do you mind taking off your sweatshirt, too?” he said. I just shrugged. I got naked in front of him. “You have a great body,” he said, running his hand over my chest and belly. I really don’t think he was just being kind, either. The thing is, I’m kind of fat, but he seemed to sort of dig that I had some meat on my bones, and truth be told, I really don’t look that bad naked. “You should wear tighter clothes,” he said. I laughed, but he was being serious.

He went back down on me. He really took his time. Getting naked had just made me hornier. He went back down on my nuts again, then started licking underneath them and, man, that just drove me crazy.

“Have you ever had your ass eaten out?” he said. I shook my head. I wasn’t even sure what he was talking about. He lifted up my legs and I helped him. “You’ve got a really hot ass,” he said and started licking my asshole. At first it was sort of a shock, just weird, but I settled into it and then I got really into it. It was just a totally horny feeling, being so open like that, serviced from both ends. I was just getting off so hard from it.

When he went back down on my dick, I knew that was it. My ass was still spread open and just that feeling was getting me even closer. He was really going for it, too, sucking tight up and down my dick and jacking me off at the same time, and with his other hand, he was running his finger along my crack and over my hole.  

I was like, “I’m comin,” and he just went faster. He got his finger right on my hole and sort of pressed it there and I just blew. I could only imagine what that load would’ve looked like had it not been spewing down his throat—like a fucking fire hydrant, no doubt. He swallowed like he was drinking from a fire hydrant, anyway. I was nearly crying with relief as shot after shot unloaded down his throat and he swallowed it all down.

He stood up smiling when I was done. “I’m gonna write my number down,” he said and wrote it on my notebook. “Call me whenever you want.”

I’d be lying if I didn’t say I thought about calling him less than an hour later. I tried to fight it, but I was just too horny to care. I figured I’d just tell him thanks, but he answered and I said who I was and he was like, “I’m out at Jimmy’s, but I can be by your place in fifteen minutes.” I said, “You don’t have to do that.”  

“You want me to, don’t you?”

“Yeah….”

“Then I’ll see you in fifteen,” he said and hung up. Twenty-five minutes later, I was spent and he was leaving again with a second load of my cum in his stomach. “I’m not gonna have to get another meal from the dining hall if we keep this up,” he said.  

I apologized, like I was sorry I was so horny, but he was like, “You don’t think I’m getting off on this too?” which made sense, I just hadn’t thought of that. “C’mon,” he said, “You’ve got one of the biggest cocks I’ve ever sucked and a huge load and you’re a lot of fun to blow, besides. Anytime you want it, even if it’s just to eat your ass again or whatever. Just say it.”

And you know, it’s funny, because I’m so much more relaxed, like, generally speaking. Even in class, now that Tristan and I are basically friends. We talk and stuff, and so some of the girls talk to me, too. Tristan doesn’t get jealous. He’s trying to hook me up with one of them, actually. What’s funny is half the time he blows me right before class so he’s got the taste of my cum in his mouth and I’m flirting with all these girls. Flirting in, like, this natural way, though, because I just don’t care. I figure I’m getting what I need either way, so that tension is gone. I’m just myself and I don’t care. Plus I got some tighter clothes. Maybe that’s it.