The Trip

“Where are we?” he said, sitting up in his seat.

“Somewhere in Utah. Or maybe Arizona,” I said. He stared out the window as I drove at the black desert highway lit by headlights. Huge, surreal rock formations loomed in the distance.

“Shit,” he said, rubbing his eyes. He stretched out and sat back. “Guess I fell asleep.”

“It’s good,” I said. “You should sleep.” But already he was stirring, getting that worried knit to his brow that he’d had ever since we left California the day before.

“I wish I could help you drive,’ he said. He didn’t have a license. “We can pull over at some point. Take a nap,” he said. “There’s plenty of space in the back of this thing once you move some shit around.” It was his brother-in-law’s van and it was full of tools and stuff.

I shrugged and yawned. I was tired and he could tell.

“Let’s pull off,” he said. “There’s nothing out here for miles. We can both sleep – make the rest of the trip once the sun comes up.”  

“Okay,” I said, surprised at how rational he was being after the frantic moments we’d had taking off for this journey. We were going to check on his mom who was in the hospital. His sister was supposed to be taking care of her, but he hadn’t heard from her in days. “Where, though?” I said.

“Anywhere, man,” he said.

“I feel like a coyote is gonna eat us,” I said.

“It’ll have to get through this fucking tank first,” he said, slapping the door of the old van and laughing. It was the first time I’d heard him laugh in a while and I had a moment where I thought: what’s up with him? Being so insistent about pulling over, the mood lightening, him suddenly concerned with my comfort… It made me realize how minimal the affection he’d show for me really had been over the last...well, few years, actually. Ever since he’d gotten married.

“Right there,” he said, pointing to a small road that went off the highway. I pulled onto a soft dirt road that had two tracks for tires with sage growing up between them. The road led back from the highway for a quarter of a mile till it wound behind one of those high, alien-like rocks. Beyond that was endless, moonlit desert.  

“Perfect,” he said. I killed the engine and shut off the lights. Ryan immediately got out, so I did too. We pissed on either side of the van then met up in front of it. He lit up a cigarette and handed one to me. I lit it off of his and we leaned against the van, smoking. The stars were insane, even with the moonlight, and the desert was so vast. I imagined canyons nearby, like traps waiting to swallow us if we went the wrong way.

“Thanks for doing this for me, man,” Ryan said, nodding at me and then looking down at the ground. “I don’t know what I’d have done if you hadn’t called me back.”

“It’s fine,” I said. “You’d do the same for me,” I added, cause that was what you said. But we both knew it wasn’t true. “She’s gonna be alright,” I said to fill the space.

“I know, I’m just pissed at my sister,” he said. “And scared.”

“It’s too bad Andrea couldn’t come with you,” I said. 

“Yeah. But I get to spend time with you,” Ryan said but then I heard something. I shushed him.

“Over there,” I said. We looked out into the dimly-lit darkness. The thing – whatever it was – shuffled around the side of the rock. It seemed to notice us and stop. And then it scuttled away.  

“Holy shit,” I said. “That had to be a coyote.”

“You were right,” Ryan said. He ground his cigarette out against the bottom of his shoe. “It was scared of us, though.”

“Still,” I said.

“Well, let’s get in the back,” Ryan said. “Try and get some sleep.”

It hadn’t escaped me that the back of the van was small, and that meant we would be close. We hadn’t done anything with each other since long before he and his future wife had met. It had all ended with him punching me in the face, for which he’d since apologized.

But that was the past, and as I climbed up into the back of the van with him I was mainly thinking about how tired I was. We stacked some boxes to the side, laid a dirty blanket down and put a cleaner blanket on top of that. We kept our clothes on and settled in.

I fell asleep almost immediately. When I woke up what felt like two or three hours later I noticed that it was colder, but my back was warm because Ryan was spooning me. As I became aware of this I felt Ryan wrap his arms around me tightly. I thought: he’s sleeping, too. It’s cold and we’re doing what we can to stay warm. And that thought held for a bit. But then I felt him shift his hips, and the push of his firm crotch against my ass. He let out his breath as he did it.

My heart started beating faster. I didn’t want this again – I’d pushed myself away from it mentally, after basically being in love with him for years.  

“What are you doing?” I said. The words went into quiet van and seemed to lie there. Ryan’s cock was totally hard, and even through his jeans I could feel it wanting to enter me, insistent.  

“Getting close to you,” he said. “It’s cold.”

“Not that,” I said. Ryan didn’t say anything for a moment. He moved his mouth next to my ear, like he had to whisper it.

“C’mon man,” he said. “I’ve been so stressed out all day...I need it,” he said, pushing against me. “I’m so horny.” I didn’t say anything. My mind was flipping, turning. Had I ever been able to say no to him? Could I, now?

“Just this one time, man. Remember how good it was? I just need to feel it again...” he said, and as he spoke he snaked his hand down my torso. I let him do it. He found the space between my shirt and pants and went inside it, down my pants, to my cock. “Pff,” he said. “You’re so fucking hard, dude.” He wrapped his hand around my dick. Then he started kissing the back of my neck as he stroked it. He even licked my earlobe. I could feel him smiling. “Let me fuck you, dude. It’s been way too long.”

I let out my breath. I was ready to protest. Even with my hard-on. But before I could say anything he spoke up again.

“I’ll let you fuck me, too” he whispered. “I’ve always wanted to try that...”

I took his hand out of my pants and turned around to face him. He was smiling, but it was a tentative sort of smile. I moved my face closer to his. Back in the day kissing had always been a touch and go thing for him. Sometimes he would be into it, and sometimes he would deny me. But I went for it, and this time he gave it right to me. It started out slow but ramped up quickly and then we were making out like we never had before, kissing and sucking each other’s tongues furiously, biting at one another’s necks and sucking on each other’s ears as we tore at each other’s clothes. It was six years of repressed desire finally releasing.

We broke apart to take off our pants, and even in the darkness I could see how big he was smiling. I was smiling, too. Because despite all the pain I’d experienced throughout our relationship, our sex had always been free and joyous.  

When we were naked we came together again. “Fuck yeah,” Ryan said as we went in for another kiss, pressing our now-nude bodies together, hard cocks aching for one another. He grabbed my ass as we kissed and so I grabbed his. He’d gained a little weight in the past couple years and it made him feel more solid and substantial. His ass was hard, muscular, covered in a thick coating of hair. I moved my fingers toward his hole. “Fuck yes,” he said again, and chewed on my lip. His fingers went for my hole at the same time. We were kissing and sucking on each other’s tongues and keeping our fingers and hands just pressed against each other’s assholes – not going inside, just poised at the entrance, cocks throbbing.

“Get up on your knees,” he said. He got down in front of me and took my cock in his mouth, moaning as he sucked me. Had he ever sucked me this good? Had anyone? He was licking my nuts, taking my cock all the way down his throat, moaning like he was starving for it. I reached down his back and felt his big ass splayed out. I inched my fingers toward his tender hole.  

“Oh my god,” he whispered, letting my cock slip out of his mouth. “Eat my ass, dude, please.” In the tight confines of the van, our body parts jostled and collided. But soon I was behind him, feeling for his ass and then shoving my face in between the cheeks of his spread butt, without a thought to how clean he was: clean enough, as it turned out. I’d always loved eating him out, maybe because it held the vague promise of me going inside of him. Part of me didn’t even believe that that was going to come to pass, but I licked him still, deeply and ravenously, knowing I might never have the chance again.

He got louder the deeper I dug my tongue into him and spread his cheeks with his hands. I didn’t remember him moaning so loudly in the past and it might have been because we were out there in the desert with infinite space around us and no worries about anybody hearing. If anything I figured he was keeping the coyotes away.

When I came up for air he reached back and grabbed my hip to pull me toward him. I rested my hard cock against his ass, laid my pipe right in the crack. It fit there perfectly. He never would have let me do that back in the day, but this time he said “Oh fuck yeah,” his voice muffled by the blanket he was stuffing his face into. I ran my cock up and down his crack and let it drag along his wet hole. Then I pushed the head to his hole and he pushed back into me. His hole caught on my cock but when it went inside he pulled off of it, gasping for breath – not so much a conscious decision on his part, more like a reflex. I thought: we’re gonna need a lot of spit. And we went on like that for a while, him backing into it and letting some go inside, then backing off when it started to hurt him. But he was persistent and seemed turned on by the attempt. Finally I got the head into him and he didn’t back away.

“Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck,” he kept saying. Very slowly I started putting more in him, going a millimeter at a time – both to give him  time to adjust and to savor it, this experience of penetrating him, something I’d never thought I’d have. Finally he seemed to open up completely. He moaned as I slid it all the way, until my nuts were against his ass. I rested it there. I could feel his hole relaxing and tightening and relaxing again around my dick.  

“I’m inside you all the way, man,” I said. Ryan lifted his head from the blanket.

“Fuck yeah you are,” he said.  

(Read Pt 2 here)