Suze is Down
Added 2020-06-29 17:34:19 +0000 UTCHey delicious Patrons
I'm sorry the live didn't go as planned yesterday..thanks to @surveyor and @ramon and any others that signed up and hung about waiting for things to connect in cyber space
I think part of the problem was me pushing myself whilst going through a CPTSD flashback. It started Thursday and I'm still in recovery. It feels like really shit timing because I'm launching the $37 tier on Wednesday and I had planned to have my body tour edited before July, but I'm effectively out of service. Just imagine a robot with the batteries taken out, that's me. I'm feeling super low, depressed, powerless and trying to just be gentle with myself until I feel some hope again.
If you're not familiar with CPTSD (COMPLEX PTSD) check out the links below...it sucks to have this condition but hey, I have to live with it, and the problem is the flashbacks can take me by surprise. I so want to go live with you, in fact I was thinking hey I'll jump on youtube right now, but youtube has got all flashy, and there's something I need to download to go live now, and I know when I'm in a flashback, I can get upset and overwhelmed really easily, I feel like an epic failure if anything goes wrong, so although I started setting one up for tonight, I realised I just need to rest, despite how much I want to talk to you and share what I'm going through right now.
I wish there were another better option....zoom maybe?
Well we could try tomorrow if anyone is interested....well see....don't want to let you down again with a promise I don't know if i can keep...
Let me find the link with info on CPTSD so you have a little clue what I'm feeling like right now..
https://cptsdfoundation.org/2019/07/01/the-living-hell-of-emotional-flashbacks/
I feel sad, tearful, easily angry, easily upset, can't cope with basic tasks or decisions, had to get takeout because I feel too stressed to cook, and am just going to soothe myself with Netflix or Kyle Cease videos, basically try and give myself the love I never got when I was sick when I was a kid....and try not to beat myself for not working today....
Entertain me with your thoughts and letters....I know you can cheer me up!
Suze ;-)
