26.

To say 2020 has been strange is an understatement. The planet is on its way to an ascension and the shifts are immense. Both globally, planetary and personally. My personal shift is unfolding. I feel there is so much change, I can barely hold on to catch up. You may have noticed since the end of August I haven’t been so present. Well, my phone got flooded with water, and the screen started flashing green. It’s still not fixed, so I have my old cracked phone which cannot make videos. Then my imac in the same week just stopped working, and for a few weeks I’ve had no video or mic working on my laptop. What is the universe trying to communicate? Get offline? Get outside?

My friend Karl died a few weeks ago. He had been in a terrible and horribly random accident where a boat caught fire next to the boat he was sleeping on. He had to run through the fire to jump into the sea. Imagine what that was like, jumping into the sting of sal water? It’s not bearable to imagine such a sweet guy going through such an ordeal. His mum at the funeral was incolsable. As she would be. No one should lose a child. The funeral was intense and powerful and deeply moving. I am glad i went. I felt his presence in the days he died, telling me things from the other side. He had held on for 6 weeks in intensive care, then three days before he died, his beloved dog Lenny died. I guess he was heading up to wait for Karl, and now he is there together with his father also. 

The funeral was in a church in Malta, and every seat was taken. Our friends sang songs and most was spoken in Maltese so I could only be there with my tears, grateful for this appropriate place to grieve and mourn.

Afterwards we went to swim and remember fun things about our friend. He loved the water. And then the burial took place at sea. Flowers were thrown into the water, and around 150 people gathered in a number of boats surrounding the main boat where the coffin was tipped over into the sea so he could be buried deep in the ocean.

It has been challenging for everyone in the community, not the least his girlfriend, who lost her partner and best friend at age 35. I was grateful for the chance to cry, and to use this opportunity to cry for other things too, the loss of my cat Lucy who i have still not found, as well as the events happening in the world, Covid (what I am now referring to as mass depopulation agenda) and this mass uncertainty that exists. We do not know if we can travel. We do not know when the mandatory vaccines will be rolled out, without which we will not be able to travel as the rumours go. I don’t want to focus on the negative, I am learning to turn inwards and be more present with myself, as the world gets more crazy around me. I feel people getting more and more angry and turning against each other. Financially I feel insecure but I also know that if nothing else I must follow my heart. I must commit to that. I have known for some time that my creation of this Authenticity Challenge is not going in a direction that I like or want and I no longer feel comfortable creating this content. I cannot deny my real feelings any longer. Even though it’s scary to build something new from the beginning and start all over again, I trust that if you are on this path with me for more than the sight of my body, you will join me on the next adventure. September I have to take a break from the Authenticity Challenge. It is the only way I can be true to myself. I have created 2 years of content here on Patreon. It is perfect timing on my anniversary. It has been exactly two years since i began here on Patreon and there is so much content in that time that I produced, and now it needs a rest. I’ll be in touch but i just wanted to share this with you. It’s time for something new….with love, Suze x