46.

Holy cow so things are heating up. First, I got a car. Well, getting. I was wondering why this was taking me so long to manifest. I did Kyle Cease’s weekend money event and during a deep meditation I tapped into the information I needed. My desire for a flashy car was coming from wanting to impress the haters. Hey haters look at me. Nothing good ever came from that said God. I know. But I really want some payback for what I went through. I got it covered, said God, but not that way. You being happy no matter what is the ultimate payback. You even found a way to be happy in hospital! You found your way into the hospital TV’s Youtube and started singing to all your favourite songs and spending time in the bathroom perfecting your makeup so you would be ready for the gig, three days after you came out. That’s not a normal thing to do or a normal way to react and that’s why they hate you because there is really nothing people can do to you to take you down. You are the cactus that can get shot at a hundred times and you still keep growing.

I put my foot in it today. My best friend, let's call her Mary, wanted to introduce me to her boyfriend over video. I had heard so much about him, everything from her side. From everything she had described he sounded like a fairly smitten with her, yet conservative American. She hands over the video to Johnny. Johnny is sitting there with his bass guitar and tats, his hair gelled up, total rocker style. His american accent drawled in a way that made me feel like Baby in dirty dancing as he said

“You gotta get out here. It’ll be good for your soul”

I had to be honest with Mary.

“Wow I didn’t expect Johnny to be hot!”

“No sex with Jonny! She replied.

I decided to be honest and mature and confess that yes I find him hot and no nothing would ever happen without her consent. Johnny is smitten with her so I don’t think she has anything to worry about.

I don’t feel guilty. I was being honest, and I was reassuring her she was safe. I sure as hell know what it’s like to have my friends try to steal my boyfriends. I find with most women when it comes to men their sense of competition takes over and they forget the friendship. It happened to me in the past, and I’ve had my moments, but I don't do that now. I started sharing my dream of how we could all three of us get married! Which is pretty funny because I’m generally quite a romantic traditionalist. But the idea of it sounded really fun. But all people would need to be really mature and I’m not sure if that is the case. And besides it’s just a daydream, seeing as the daydream of me going off with Jonny and losing my friendship to Mary sounds like a nightmare. The dream we had built the day before of building a cafe together which would become a hip community space, started to feel like maybe the dream would disappear, overshadowed by Mary’s fears of me and Johnny meeting. I guess it’s possible. But I’m also guessing that Johnny is not the only hot guy in New Orleans and that she can set me up on as many dates as possible. That was the plan.

My car is on its way, and that will keep me happy for days. I’m so excited to have this. God knows what I need. What is good for our soul is different to what is good for our ego. Greed can have us wanting things out of our reach and acting from jealousy and all the other wrong reasons. When we get what is right for our soul there is a different resonance. The day after I did the deep meditation and discovered that my desire for a fancy car was coming from needing a layer of protection around me, to protect me from the haters, the car that was good for my soul showed up. The image of myself riding up in a flashy silver sports car gave me a layer of protection, a kind of “i’ve made it'' your attempts to destroy me didn’t work. But wanting a car from this energy was keeping it away from me, because God knows I'm too evolved and have done too much inner work to need that kind of protection. I must feel the pain and sit with it until I fully accept it into my body and let it dissolve from whence it came. Energy transmuted and transformed. I am excited. The very next day my car arrived. Not a fancy sports car. But it’s my friend's car. A friend who I love very much, who shows me so much love and kindness that when I see that car I will think of her and my feelings will be good. That’s a soul car. That’s the difference between soul and ego desire. It’s a second hand, done many miles, the left indicator doesn’t work sometimes, kind of car, not that anyone uses indicators here in Gozo, but they might come in handy on the busy motorways over in Malta. The good thing is she will tell me honestly what’s what and transparency is good for me. I like to know what the real deal is. It will get me from A to B.

Mary said she will not be talking to me for a bit. I’m not concerned about it. I believe that this journey here on Earth is about healing our traumas so that we live from our souls calling,  not our ego, and whatever is coming up for Mary is what she needs to be working through to heal her old wounds. I trust the Universe to have my back and decide what is right for me. New Orleans is calling. It’s time to find my tribe, make music, find love, have fun, adventure and I'm ready for all of it.