14.

14.

After Iboga

First there was before and after Kambo, a medicine I have done 4 times now. Now there is, before and after Iboga. Iboga was the hardest experience of my life. It is after all, a medicine which results in an ego death. The first three weeks of micro dosing took me to hell. Thoughts of suicide and feelings of depression creep in. I was assured that this is just a normal part of the healing, and whatever is within you will rise to the surface to be cleaned out.

After these first three weeks, I returned to normal, the only difference was that I was tired and much more able to be present. My only fear was that, if I was so present, how would I make goals? After Iboga that has not proved a problem and I have much more energy and vitality.

The ceremony lasted 5 days. Two and a half days are spent lying down, ingesting grams of the powder every hour. Every time that dreaded bell sounded on the hour, I felt like Pavlov’s dogs, obediently but reluctantly necking back this revolting powder and washing it down with a tiny swirl of sparkling water. I love sparkling water, so for me, that was the bit that was getting me though. My doctor seemed to want to rush onto the next person, until I joked to him

“You know i love sparkling water, and this medicine is disgusting. At least let me enjoy the water without pulling it away before i finish!”

He understood. The next time he came round to me, he was not so quick to pull the water away. I appreciate that for the doctor and his assistant these 2.5 days are as long for them as they are for us. In fact, time on Iboga runs differently, sometimes an hour goes by and it feels like half an hour, at others I would think

When will this ever end?

We started in the evening, spending the first night lying down, which is the hardest part of the ceremony. We were advised to lay still. The medicine is clearing out our brain, body, mind and spirit, and like an operation it is not good to move around too much. To go to the bathroom, we were advised to crawl, and move very slowly. I found it virtually impossible to lie on my back and lay still. I needed to roll from side to side, mostly because I rarely ever enjoy lying on my back to sleep, unless my cat Lucy wants to lie on me. She only lies on me if I’m lying on my back. Particular as she is.

With Iboga, you have the ability to direct the medicine to heal what you want. I set my intentions before the ceremony, worrying that I had not got them right. This experience was so difficult that I knew it would be highly unlikely that I would wish to do it again!

I asked to heal my brain, and after finding it difficult to lay still, I also asked the medicine to look at my spine. When I woke up, and I mean metaphorically woke up, after the changes had taken place, I felt a huge difference in my spine. My whole body felt different. When we returned to yoga a few days later I found I was able to do poses i hadn’t been able to do for a long time, I had accumulated so many injuries, probably from my dancing days, but also from not using my body like an athlete once I quit ballet, that my body would go from one injury to another.

After Iboga we had to dance regularly to move the body.

I find my mind is sharper. I am more confident. I really trust in God, and my ability to manifest whatever i want. I feel a renewed sense of purpose. All the fears I had of the

What shall I do for a living?

Disappeared!

To be honest, during my two month break, I had assumed that I would NOT return to Patreon. I thought my work here was done ,and it was time to move on.

After Iboga, although many new desires have arisen in regards to self expression, creative projects and business ideas, I realised that since Covid1984 (as some friends are calling it) there is still a lot to be said, to be shared, to be expressed.

I have so many exciting new plans for Patreon here on This is Suze, and I look forward to revealing them to you next week!

I trust you are going to appreciate them. I am delighted to have this renewed excitement back in my life and a feeling of trust and positivity.

I had so many “downloads” during Iboga, but I will leave, my dear Patrons, for another time!.....