Animancer

Backstory blog 5: Mind's Eye (2007)

Added 2021-10-14 11:54:55 +0000 UTC

Being an artist means having powerful emotions. Why've I drawn Luck this long?

Listen, there was this weird moment back in 2007 when I was learning digital art and studying anatomy so that I could depict Lucky with accuracy. At the time I didn't have much skill, but I did have this... emotion, this strange fascination. It was a pure excitement, like discovering something you never knew you were looking for. And when I drew this, Luck on an abstract landscape, it was the first time I'd gotten his proportions "right" and put him in "3D" where he could be for the "real." There was something so immeasurably satisfying in this expression that I slaved for hours on it, quivering and drooling and staring into the white light of my computer screen, and the next day came down with a bad cold.

Luck was like the answer to a question, the "what" of my life. But for the next decade I obsessed over another question: "why?" Why Luck? Why this imaginary animal person? Who is he? What is his purpose? Why do I draw him? Many years I was tortured by these questions, dissatisfied by my narrow focus. But I'll talk about those years later. That first year was one of bliss: I had created something truly beautiful that expressed a deep set emotion of vulnerability and health. Like scratching an itch I never knew I had. He was real.

Of course that satisfaction became an obsession and I continued to hone my skills for years after. I didn't yet understand why I was doing this; all I knew was that bringing this creature to life brought me peace.

I still like this piece. I like how the trippy ground buzzes my eyes. I like the red. I think I did a pretty good job on Luck's smooth, lithe body and the hard shaded lighting on it. And the orb means something: it's the mind's eye, staring at its creation, but Luck isn't looking at the orb. He's looking at the viewer. He's trying to get around the obsessor so that he can reach out to the rest of the world.

Gosh I just wanna cuddle him.