More Double Binds

More Double Binds by sleepingirl

We’ve discussed double binds in detail, including an exploration of where they came from, how NLP uses them, and ways that we can use them more broadly in hypnokink. But when we consider their function more than their form, we can start to see applications that may not be included in their original design. Let’s look from a specifically erotic lens and see what double binds have to do with obedience and mind reading.

What’s the Purpose?

Double binds generally are about trapping someone into a limited course of actions. They are often thought of as being covert, and attempting to guarantee an outcome that facilitates some aspect of trance. But we can gain even more from them when we consider different ways that they can be useful to us.

• Yes Set

Anything that we say to our partner when we attempt to predict something -- whether it’s how they’ll behave, or what they’re feeling -- affects our partner’s “yes set” (or immersion) in the scene. This is a given; when we describe something accurate to their experience, we build a sense of mind reading, that we are both predicting the future and causing the outcomes we predict.

Double binds are no exception to this, of course. When a subject responds to a double bind, they feel that sense that the hypnotist is making suggestions and statements that stick. For this reason, we know that binds (and suggestions as a whole) that are more ambiguous can be more relatable. For review, using something like, “Are you going to notice the subtle shifts in the muscles in your face, or is it going to happen outside of your awareness?” instead of directly referring to a specific sensation such as relaxation.

• Obedience Set

There is another level that we can look at this aspect of yes sets and pacing and leading. In a non-hypnotic scene, yes sets still exist in a variety of forms. When the dominant says, “I’m going to hit you,” and they follow through, there is a level of belief and trust that forms. Similarly, when the dominant “predicts” the submissive’s behavior -- “You’re going to cum for me” -- this creates beliefs that the submissive has about themselves. They see themselves as a person who obeys, especially as they continue to do what the dominant asks. We could consider this as some people’s definition of “subspace”: the feeling that they are in a submissive place and will do as they’re told.

We might call this an “obedience set” -- pacing someone about their own behavior in a way that makes them feel like they are going to do what you describe. Double binds are useful for this, and can be framed as either passive or active: “Is your right hand or your left hand going to raise?” (Passive -- implies that the hand will lift on its own.) “Are you going to raise your right hand or your left hand?” (Active -- implies that the subject is doing it.)

When we combine D/s with hypnosis, we’re often looking to make our partners feel this sense of obedience and subspace, and we can aim some of our suggestions and binds more towards what our partner will do as opposed to what they will feel. For example, “Are you going to type ‘yes’ hesitantly, or eagerly?” Note that we’re still making suggestions about how they will feel -- hesitant or eager -- but they’re “hidden in plain sight” in the presupposition of the bind. The “question” of the actions is what the subject will do themselves, and this is framed actively. Obedience, while often discussed in the context of mindlessness, often begins as (or is simply) wilful -- it is the idea of doing what you are told to do. Obeying suggestions or commands over and over creates a habit or a pattern, which is useful for us, especially in the context of creating more automatic or helpless obeying.

We can also contextualize the obedience set in the same way that we think of pacing and leading -- the example of pace, pace, pace, lead: giving several suggestions that are certifiably true or relatable and then “leading” with something that you are suggesting to happen. We could think about “bind, bind, bind, command/suggestion,” where the subject acclimates to participation in several double binds and then is primed to respond to something non-binding. For example: “I wonder if you’ll go deep into trance quickly, or if it will ramp up as your brain absorbs what I’m saying.” “Do you want to focus on my eyes, or my voice?” “Are you going to think the word ‘yes’ or ‘please’ harder as you start slipping down?” “Now, drop for me.” (This style can benefit from some space and patter between each bind.)

Obedience and submission are complex emotions that are broad-reaching and difficult to describe. A mix of passive and active suggestions as well as “doing” versus “feeling” ones are generally a good idea to get your partner to a place where they are really feeling “subspacey.” You can take advantage of the multilayered nature of binds: “Are you going to listen more carefully right now, or will your attention increase over time?” “I wonder if you’ll make yourself cum thinking about me tonight… or if the drive will sneak up on you later.”

Trapping

All of what we’ve said so far also applies to other sorts of suggestions outside of binds. One of the things that makes a bind unique is the way that it limits and traps the subject into a course of action through presuppositions. We can make our binds more trapping by using ambiguous language, as we’ve discussed, but we can also work to add additional binds.

A double bind generally obscures a course of action. In the classic, “Would you like to go into trance now or later?”, the option to not go into trance is obscured. However, most adults are wise to this style of language, and are generally not blind to the “hidden” actions they could take. But when we want to “trap” our partners into obedience and subspace, there are a few ways that we can make our binds “bindier.”

• Evaluative Binds

Using binds that are about comparing two things is one way that you can do this. In a bind such as, “Which is hotter: feeling your will drain out of you, or feeling it sucked away?” the subject has to make an evaluation. When comparing how hot two things are, there will usually be one option that’s more attractive, which means that the subject will participate in the bind. The key is to pick two things where you know that at least one option is something that your partner likes.

You can do this with other evaluations: which is hotter, which do they want more, which would make them feel more submissive, which would make them go into deeper trance, which is more humiliating, which seems more objectifying, which would make them feel more attractive, etc.

In the process of making this evaluation, the subject needs to go through the process of imagining both suggestions. In this case, and especially for comparing two psychological / subtle feelings, the process of imagining it tends to make it happen and primes the person for the suggestion. You can think of these evaluative binds specifically for the purpose of priming: “Would you feel more like an obedient doll if you made your own body stop moving, or if you felt it just stop on its own?” “You can feel it now, can’t you? The way your own will is preventing your body from doing anything at all…”

• Awareness Binds

Some double binds can be irrefutable when all possible options are bound. In this case, you bind an action that can’t be disproved. For example, you could say, “Do you think you’ll eventually realize just how deeply you obey me, or will your mind keep it a secret from you for a little while?” In this case, even if the subject is not feeling it at every moment, there is a contingency -- it’s not that it doesn’t exist, it is just a “secret” from them.

You can use this method of binding awareness in other ways: “Do you truly feel the depth of trance you’re in right now, or are there parts of this experience that you’re just not aware of?” Any kind of response that you suspect your partner isn’t wholly experiencing or aware of, you can bind by saying it’s something they’ve forgotten, something that is hidden from their consciousness, something that they’re not used to noticing, etc. It’s best when this is a plausible statement -- we know that many hypnotic responses are the result of learning how to feel subtle and new things. In many cases, it can be beneficial to suggest that there are aspects to an experience that the person has not yet felt -- it leaves room for growth and intensity. “Have you noticed all of the little feelings that flood your brain each time you sink for me, or do you think your mind is still discovering them, bit by bit, making you open to new, hot things hitting you?”

• Bind the Third Option

While double binds are often about hiding a course of action to limit someone, we can at once increase the illusion of choice while actually making the bind more trapping. In the example of something like: “Do you want to go into trance right now, or do you want to listen to me talk a little before you drop?” we’re hiding the action of not going into trance. By adding it to the bind (“Or would you rather not trance?”) we are actually creating a situation where our partner is choosing an action that we’ve suggested, no matter what. Using this example is beneficial from an ethos of concern, in situations where we want to make sure our partner has an “out,” and especially if we make sure to frame the question without suggestive language. But it also can have the effect of playing into our obedience set in a D/s scenario -- the person is participating in the bind.

We can be more sneaky and aggressive with this style of bind, as well, by using leading language in our bind of the third option. For example, we could say instead, “Or would you rather wait?” -- waiting implies that it may still happen. We could also say, “Or is your mind not ready?” for a similar effect -- implying that there is something we can do that could make them ready.

The key to this style is reframing -- think about what the third/hidden option actually is, and then consider how you could frame it in a different way. “Not trancing” could be the result of hesitation, which could be the result of nerves, which could be thought of as anticipating or exciting: “Or is a part of you hesitating, even if you can’t fully identify why?” It could also be that the person isn’t in the right space for it, which could be the need for something more or different: “Or is there something else that will make it feel just right?” You can make suggestions and presuppositions in the third option: “Or will you be so fixated on paying attention that your brain drops and you don’t even notice?” “Or do you have a little excited part inside you that can’t even process the idea of trance right now?”

The more specific you get about leading the subject about what they feel, the more opportunities you present for them to disagree with the bind. For this reason, it’s good to be ambiguous about those feelings unless you have a good sense of what they could be, and it’s best to use this format when you know there isn’t genuine resistance. While using a bind like this can create opportunities for your partner to speak about their needs (“I actually… really want to be closer to you”), this is not a replacement for offering a genuine out, if your partner needs that.

Another example of this style of bind might be something like, “Is your left or right hand going to lower and drop you into trance? Or are you just going to be stuck there, deep and still?” Or for a more active example: “Are you going to walk to me, or will you get on your knees and crawl? Or maybe you won’t even move because some part of you is waiting for me to come to you.”

Emphasize the Trap

As always, one of the major differences between NLP’s idea of binds and our idea of them in kink is that we as erotic hypnotists want to point out the moments when we are doing something exciting like using suggestive language. Especially in the context of our obedience sets, giving our partners a chance to really notice that they’ve been doing what we tell them is both hot and reinforcing.

You can very simply say something like, “Have you noticed you’ve been doing everything that I’ve told you?” It’s always good to follow these sorts of “exposing” comments with suggestive reinforcement: “Doesn’t that feel so good? Doesn’t that make you feel trapped -- helpless to behave inside of everything that I suggest?”

Article Summary

• While double binds are usually about leading our partners into presupposed outcomes, we can change the way we look at binds to get more use with them
• Double binds play into our idea of pacing, leading, and yes sets -- the more participation in the binds, the more immersion
• We can conceptualize this as an “obedience set,” especially when we’re controlling our partner’s active behavior through binds
• We can think of binds as being similar to pacing and leading in that as we continue binding our partner, we create a habit that allows us to suggest more things
• Using a combination of “active,” “passive,” “feeling,” and “doing” binds gives us a broad net to cast
• We can use binds that are about an evaluation between two things to make a bind that is hard to not participate in
• We can use binds that imply nonawareness to make a bind that is difficult to refute
• We can purposefully mention the “hidden” option as part of the bind in order to cause our partner to always be doing something that we’ve suggested
• It’s important to reinforce the obedience set by pointing out when your partner is in a pattern of obeying