Aak Daar Dovah, Fent Zu'u? Niid. Ch. 12
Added 2025-09-18 13:45:26 +0000 UTCHere you all go!
Little shorter, but it's got a lot of important coverage of events. Plus, a lot of characterization and more political shenanigans happening in Westeros.
Meanwhile, Ysmir continues his journey for Myr!
PDF down below if you want easy reads. This link right here allows you to make commentary or suggest corrections. Thank you to those people who do that, it's much appreciated because it saves me a bunch of time!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Gu3FKxmiFdHcpH9LrfNelLp7_agQedzTVD0cCnI6RwQ/edit?usp=sharing
Comments
Yeah, if there's one thing to know about Orwynne it's that she belongeth to the cobblestones. bahahaha
Procrastination
2025-09-23 04:40:05 +0000 UTCI like this for other reasons. Something I'll keep in mind for the future for sure.
Procrastination
2025-09-23 04:39:20 +0000 UTCAn interesting thing to see would be the start of new names, especially for freed slaves based on Dovahzuul. Where as part of ceremony and based on what Ysmir knows of the the person and in the future by parents for hopes of their children, takes the first part of a Word of Power as the base of a name. Not a full shout. But like Toor. Use it and add to it. So get Toorin.
Maleficarum
2025-09-21 17:04:22 +0000 UTCLiked the chapter. Nice to see some more more options for shouts (I can do without ever being on the receiving end of an earth coffin shout lol) and some more setup in westeros. I can already feel the stress and tension between Alysanne and Rhaena as a reader. I also am liking the development of Orwynne. She seems like a true fanfic author at heart and I am excited to see what trouble she might cause in the future now that she has chosen her adventure. Also as far as the above comment, I personally haven't felt the MC has gone stale or anything yet, but I also am interested in some more of his PoV and characterization. I assume we will get some more of that soon especially once he crashes into Westeros and dragons again to get the payoff from all the setup.
TAtro
2025-09-19 21:19:23 +0000 UTCNext chapter should have more Ysmir stuff, as we swing back to his side a little more. These last two had to really be focused on both Alysanne/Rhaena, because we're building to something there. Also Orwynne, because now we can finally display her "voice" and what kind of person she really is. :D Also we forgive Alysanne for having the rug pulled on her life and not being the most in control of herself. She's doing her best. Haha
Procrastination
2025-09-19 00:06:45 +0000 UTCThe chapter is enjoyable. You have the atmosphere for writing the before/during/after of MC using his Shouts down cold. You do a good job of showing the humanity in a grieving widow. For her sake, I hope we see her quickly transition to scheming throatcutter soon, because I don't want to end up in a scenario where the story hinges of MCs benevolent intervention. I hope you have the character growth carefully planned. Lastly, MC has begun to feel a bit stale. We don't see any reminiscing about friends, loved ones, orphans he turned into badasses or religious figures. He doesn't think about favorite foods, preferred weapons or similar adventures. He doesn't even bring up how thankful he is to be in a world without trolls! Everyone but him has begun to feel like a person and it's increasingly off-putting. You're allowed to let your MC grieve what he's lost, "dragon" or no. He's currently giving off "end game DnD character the PC was too lazy to write a history for" vibes.
Pope Yoda I
2025-09-18 21:31:39 +0000 UTC
