August Illustration: An unlikely story…

Boe rubbed his eyes tiredly as he and his roommate Tate made their way back to their dorm room. The dog has been going on and on about his most recent “sexscapade” to Boe’s great annoyance. Tate never was the brightest and social queues like Boe’s continuous silence or repeated sighs of exasperation merely soared over the idiot’s head, but he’s learned to live with the dogs tall tales. Like the time he “did it” a hundred times in one night, or how he once slept his way through some poor tiger’s entire family lineage (the tiger, the brother, the father, the four uncles, and the grandfather), or how he’s in this secret love triangle with an orca, who happens to be a prince of one of the underwater nations, who enjoys little visits to surface to get away from his princely duty of courting an orca lady to continue his royal bloodline…

Of course, it’s not as though Boe believed many of his stories, at least not entirely. But he always allowed the dog to tell his stories so that he could get it out of his system and go back to leaving his uninterested roommate alone. This time, however, Tate seemed to be getting bolder in his storytelling.

“I’m telling you, man, it’s true!”

Boe rolled his eyes, stopping at their dorm room door and finally looking at Tate. “You can’t honestly expect me to believe that you not only MET an ex-yakuza member AND a literal VAMPIRE, but you also had sex with them… at the same time… sounds like the start to a bad joke…”

“But I did!”

Boe scoffed and opened the door. “Sure you did. And I suppose the president was too busy, otherwise he’d be somewhere in there too, yeah?”

Tate clicked his tongue disappointingly. “C’mon man, you know the presidents just an ai controlled robot.” He said, as if he’s said it a hundred times already. “Doubt he was even built with a dick…”

“Ah, right… how could I forget.”

Boe hung his bag up on the coat rack while Tate dropped his near the door, spilling half its contents in the process.

“I’m serious! It really happened.”

“I suppose they just told you their true identities in the heat of the moment, then? Since you seem so sure?”

“No, but I could tell!” Tate said proudly. “The vampire had these HUGE long fangs, ya’know. And like, these red eyes that kinda glowed in the dark, and even though he was suuuper scrawny, he was still pretty strong! Managed to lift me up like it was nothing! And-and the yakuza guy was REAL big, right? And he had this really suspicious looking tattoo on his stomach that definitely looked ‘crime-y’ especially with the gold bangle on his tusk-”

“Wait wait,” Boe interrupted. “A gold bangle? What species was he?”

“Elephant…?”

“And the bangle was on his LEFT tusk?”

“How did you-?”

“Oh my GOD!” Boe exclaimed. “You fucked my BOSS?!”

“Wha- NO! Of course not! He fucked ME!” Tate clarified. “…Twice…”

Boe, stunned with the stupidity of this conversation and the revelation just uncovered, stared in silence for a moment before regaining his composure and turning to walk away. “I’m done with this.”

“Wait!” Tate called after his roommate as the fox left. “I didn’t finish telling you how I figured it-” but was cut off with the slamming of Boe’s bedroom door.