Survival Record 13

Because on Fanbox I write a blog about my life every month, including my illness and various other topics, I also want to update it here, as I suffered from vasculitis and neuritis 4 years ago. These are all incurable diseases in current medicine.So I've been desperate every day for the past few years....

At present, the pain throughout my body is significant, particularly the severe convulsions on the right half of my body, meaning I often struggle to move well. I have contemplated giving up continue as an artist many times.......This illness took everything from me.I LOST A LOT

Perhaps there are a lot of complaints regarding my illness and my suffering, as I have had no one to share these feelings with over the past few years, resulting in a deep sense of loneliness.I got really irritable and negative, and I wasn't keen on communicating. Many people have distanced themselves from me, and even my friends around me are engrossed in their own lives, making it impossible to spend each day with a person with a disability.

There are also a lot of former acquaintances on Twitter who have drifted away from me, and I became really closed off after I got seriously ill and was reluctant to chat with others, but I still want to share about myself in some places and keep a record of it.

I wrote the previous survival records 1-12 on FANBOX, if you are interested, you can go over there to have a look, they are all free plans.

#生存記録｜ネジ "パン（毎週更新する ｜pixivFANBOX

You can just look at it, or you can ignore it, because I'm worthless now.However, since I have chosen to continue to be an artist, there will definitely be a lot of such pain, and I hope you can understand it and forgive me

It's a miracle that I can continue to be active as an artist and still alive.I have made an effort to receive treatment all over the world.

13

Today, I am feeling very ill and my right hand is in terrible condition, unable to use my right arm due to numbness in my fingers. I must not be getting enough rest... I've mostly been lying down, but the pain all over my body continues. I am managing to use only my left hand to record the current situation. The condition of my left side is somewhat lighter than my right side, but today is truly tough. I can't do anything, and oh, I really feel like a useless piece of trash. It’s unclear if the new medication is working, and I might need to rest soon. When will this horrible life come to an end? When will medicine advance? I wonder if I was born in the wrong era...