Really long ass thoughts on this year (sorry in advance)

So, for those of you who don't know, at February this year I quit my part time job to start doing art full time. So this year has been a lot of me figuring out how to get any of that to work and analyzing a lot on how I feel about my art, where I want it to go and if I feel I can even do it.

Short answer- I think I can do it but it is dependent on A my body, and B the pace I can work at, both of which have been a struggle for me in the latter half of the year, but things are looking up.

So for starters, I've drawn a metric fuckton this year. Like I took about 20 commissions every month, so not even including personal art or the patron commissions that was around 200 pieces,,, thats probably more than I've drawn in any one year and thats crazy even to myself. Part of that craziness is, a little bit not great for me mentally and physically.

So in contrast to a lot of things I here from other artists, I have no issues working on commissions or doing a lot of them. I am one of those people that just, enjoy working with others and finding solutions to problems. I went into freelance knowing I would have to work with others. I just wish there was more time in a day XD. It is a lot of work to get through each month and as I started getting busier with family stuff, going to the gym and physical therapy more (just lots of issues with my arms and back, which while aren't related initially to drawing, definitely aren't being helped by my career choice) and the whole jury duty mess at the start of december it just started making me realize, maybe 20 a month is unsustainable. So in the new year I want to work on trying to find that healthier balance while still, ya know, making a living.

Now onto my actual quality of art. Idk. I like what I do, I like how I do it but I always feel like I'm behind all of my peers as I haven't ever felt like I have a stylistic identity, and if I do have any, its mainly in very flat presentation and colors. I know from asking others this probably doesn't make any sense, but like when I look at my stuff I see alot of the same poses, eye expressions, etc, and wanting to fix it but I know I don't really have the time to do so. I want to draw more for my friends/mutuals because they're a big part on why I'm even able to do this with their support on the social media end, but again time. I want to start experimenting with colors again and doing all the stuff other artists do that make their stuff look cool that I don't do(what is that exactly? excellent question, its almost like this is unreasonable for me to want but the thoughts plague me anyway)

Now to go a bit more positive, uh I love drawing? Like even through all the shit this year with my arm exploding, the stress on needing to make enough each month like, I love drawing I love working with people. The fact I'm even in a position to be doing this at all is still crazy to me like, there are people? Real people? who want to see me draw boobs and will pay me to do it? I dont think I'll ever feel like I deserve that but I am still forever grateful.(And as always I thank the patience of my patrons as I do their patron commissions, I'm so so sorry, I'm almost through all the full color ones and then the sketch ones should be easier to knock out when I'm not having to juggle lots of full color comms at once I do apologize again)

What are my feasible goals for the next year? Well I want to do more with the print shop, want to do more stickers and standee stuff but because I kept falling behind on comms I had less time to think up viable pieces for that stuff and just gave up for a bit. But I have a convention I'm at in late January that hopefully gives me the kick in the pants I need to get back on that. Other than that , ADOPTABLES, I WANT TO DESIGN PRETTY LADIES AND GIVE THEM A GOOD HOME THATS NOT ME

If you made it this far, I am indeed sorry this was mostly negative XD I'm in no way disheartened that this was harder than I expected, glad to be in a position at all I could figure this out, and despite it all I know if I dig in I can do this. So I hope you all look forward to the new year, hopefully there will be plenty of cute angel girls and wide girl wednesdays to look forward to.

(And if you read this far and aren't a patron, hey did you know I have a patreon? Its cool and I try to post semi regularly, we have things like monthly polls and as long as this new PC thing works out. patron exclusive streams will definitely become a thing)