Professor Potter Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Field Trip Prep

Harry inhaled. He rested his fingertips on the desk he taught behind, gazing over the empty seats of his classroom. It hadn’t been very long, only a few days, but it felt nice to be back.

Apparently, he wasn’t the only one excited about making his return. As his fifth years funneled into the room, almost every single one congratulated him on his recovery. One of the last to enter, Ron Weasley looked ready to cry when he saw Harry.

“If you’ve ever got to collect stink pellets again, call me. I’ll do it for you,” Ron swore. “Dumbledore got Griselda Marchbanks as your sub, and she’s about a million years old. Couldn’t hear a thing, just lectured us for the whole period. I thought my ears would fall off!”

Hermione dragged him to his desk. “Don’t talk about a professor that way.”

“But it’s true!” Ron said. “Plus, she sounded like my dad. I kept wanting to correct her the whole period, the way she kept getting things wrong.”

Hermione’s face softened slightly. “Well, it’s true that Professor Potter is a much better teacher…”

“I'm glad you feel that way!” Harry said. “Because it took me way too much work to set up your lesson for today.”

He reached behind his desk and physically hefted a square, metal contraption. It looked like a VHS player crossed with a projector, encased inside a mostly-clear protective casing. The students looked fascinating.

“What is that?” Terry Boot asked. “What’s it supposed to do?”

“Excellent questions!” Harry said. “This is what Muggles call a VHS player… with a couple of notable enhancements. One that will help it play a video without the help of a television screen, and another to protect it from the ambient magic inside the school… temporarily.” Harry’s face fell. “I give this thing five hours before Hogwarts manages to fry it. Not a good return, considering it took me ten hours to make.”

He had to take an extra day off with the Stinkitus excuse after returning from Minsk just to get this done on time.

“But you found a way to make technology work inside of Hogwarts!” Hermione said. “That’s incredible!”

“Technically, I didn’t figure it out,” Harry said. She did, about two decades from now, and he copied her work. “It’s not particularly worthwhile for as long as it’s so temporary. Still, we can get some good use out of it.”

He unfurled a white projector screen he’d installed behind his desk, pulling it down and yanking until it clicked. Harry looked back at his class. “I’ll have to ask that you keep your wands in your pockets for the duration of the period today. Any spells going off near my contraption is likely to send it to an even earlier grave— and if that happens, the one responsible will be helping me build its replacement during detention. Am I clear?”

“Yes, professor,” the class chorused.

“Fantastic. And on that note…”

Harry took out a collection of VHS movies. He passed them around so the students could see their covers, then took a vote on which of them they’d like to watch. Jurassic Park won the vote. 

“Keep in mind, this is a work of fiction,” Harry said as he fed the VHS into the machine. “Not everything in it is exactly real.”

“Which parts are fictional, professor?” asked Parvati.

“I’ll leave you all to figure that out!”

Harry dimmed the lights as the movie began. Before sitting down, he leaned over his desk and said, “Because today’s class is a bit hands-off, if any of you would prefer to study independently, you’re free to do so.”

He caught some confused looks from some of his students, but the iconic theme song started seconds later and pulled their attention to the projector screen. Only two students reacted to Harry’s announcement. One was Blaise, who didn’t hesitate to remove a book from his bag and put in earbuds. The second was Daphne, who hesitated.

She looked around, covertly checking her surroundings. Blaise stuck a foot over and nudged her ankle. She flinched, glaring at him, and the two held a silent conversation. At the end of it, Daphne went into her bag and took out parchment and Harry’s pen. Soon her pen was gliding across the page.

Harry sat down and watched his students watch the movie. It didn’t take long before many of them were completely engrossed. Harry chuckled to himself as the tension rose and Hannah Abbott grabbed Ernie Macmillan’s arm. When the t-rex escaped its enclosure, Lavender Brown screamed. As the movie progressed Harry spotted Daphne’s eyes flickering up, bouncing between her desk and the screen.

When the credits rolled, the class was initially quiet.

“Wicked,” Ron muttered.

Like a fuse had been lit, students turned to their friends to talk about what they’d watched. Blaise took out one of his earplugs to listen to the students around him. Harry had checked what he was reading— a translation of the original German Hansel and Grettel. It seemed after their talk, Blaise was starting with the classics.

He wasn’t certain what Daphne had been up to. Her pen hadn’t stopped moving throughout the whole movie, but when Harry got close to their desks to look over Blaise’s shoulder, Daphne had shielded her desk with her arm. Recalling the way she scanned her surroundings before working, Harry guessed she was self-conscious. So he went back to his desk and didn’t ask. If she wanted to share, she’d come to him.

Harry clapped three times rhythmically to call the class’s attention to him.

“Time is almost up, so it’s time to bring up your favorite thing— Homework. You have an assignment due next time.”

“Fighting a t-rex?” Terry Boot asked.

Most of the class laughed. Harry smiled at him. “If you were faced with something like that, what spell would you use?”

“Er, Stupefy?"

“Three points from Ravenclaw for speaking without thinking,” Harry said.

“Sorry, professor. It was just a stupid joke—”

“Stupify has no effect on targets that large. A piercing curse would be much more effective. Aim for the eyes.”

“I’ll… keep that in mind?” Terry said.

“Good. Take those points back for having an open mind. But sadly, the assignment doesn’t have anything to do with dinosaurs. While they once existed, recreating them with Muggle technology isn’t anywhere near possible yet. Your job is to arrive to our next class dressed as a Muggle.”

“How do we do that?” Lavender asked.

“Use your creativity!” Harry said. “Try to recall what you saw in the movie. I didn’t show it to you just so you’d have a good time. You’re free to conjure, transfigure, or order clothes by owl. If you’re embarrassed by the idea of wearing Muggle clothes in the halls, I’ll set up a booth so that you can change here. Any questions?”

Harry surveyed the room, seeing no hands.

“Good luck!”

O-O-O

When Harry arrived to class, it looked like a titanic wardrobe had vomited its contents all over his students. Almost no one was dressed the same. The majority seemed convinced that they had done it right, and that all the others were the ones who were wrong.

Harry himself was wearing a t-shirt and cargo pants underneath his trademark jacket. That would be far too casual for a Muggle professor, but here everyone’s ignorance worked in his favor. No one can report you for inappropriate conduct if they have no idea it’s inappropriate. 

Harry sat at his desk and looked his students over, surveying the outfits on display.

Lavender and Parvati had come wearing bathrobes. Ron was wearing a button-up collared shirt, but he’d somehow come to the decision that the buttons should be on his back, and didn’t believe Hermione when she tried to tell him it was backwards.

Blaise was wearing a sharp tuxedo that fit him perfectly. There was no way he transfigured that. He must have already owned it. Daphne, meanwhile, was wearing the exact outfit Ellie Sattler wore in Jurassic Park, down to the last button. Surprisingly, if this had been a graded assignment, Slytherin would have scored the top marks.

Hermione was dressed in a regular shirt and jeans that she’d probably worn to King’s Cross. Neville was… close to having done it right. He’d listened to Hermione’s advice, and he wasn’t strictly wrong, but he had a hat, jacket, undershirt, pants, and socks that were all different colors. The hat in particular, a wide-brimmed one fit for a safari, stood out in a bad way.

The Ravenclaw boys were all wearing kilts and parkas, for some reason. Then, the Hufflepuffs…

Justin Finch-Fletchley, one of the two Muggleborns in the class, was dressed posh. His blazer looked like it was designer, his shoes probably cost a fortune, and he was wearing sunglasses inside. In certain parts of London he would’ve stood out more than some of his magical classmates.

But the other Hufflepuffs were a mess. Susan was in an odd mix of stockings, a pleated skirt, and a long-sleeved shirt. Ernie Macmillan had a cape on for some reasons over an otherwise fairly ordinary outfit. It was Hannah Abbott who was the problem.

It looked like she’d tried to transfigure her clothes without knowing what she was doing. The result was ill-fitted sheets of fabric half-hanging off her body. She looked more like a house elf than a Muggle. Her cheeks were burning. 

“You didn’t help the others, did you Justin?” Harry asked.

“I tried to at the start,” Justin said. “But they weren’t listening. So I let them do it by themselves.”

His voice had a challenge in it. Frankly, Harry understood how he felt. When you entered the wizarding world after being raised by Muggles there were a million things to learn and understand. Those who’d grown up with magic couldn’t always understand what that felt like. They got sick of questions, lost patience with Muggle-borns, or looked down on them for being ‘dim’. Harry wasn’t accusing these Hufflepuff students of that, but he was certain Justin had faced moments like that.

Now, when the others were coming to him with questions, it was impossible Justin wouldn’t remember being in their shoes. It wasn’t shocking that if they disagreed with his advice, thinking they knew better, he’d leave them to find out how wrong they were on their own.

“That’s fine. I didn’t make it a group assignment,” Harry said. “But in the future give them a hand, even if it’s annoying. I need all the help I can get getting this class ready.”

Ears perked up around the room. “Ready for what?” Justin asked.

“This assignment is the first in a chain of preparatory activities for. During the last week before Winter Vacation, we’ve got a field trip.”

“Like, out of Hogwarts?” Michael Corner asked.

“All the way to Muggle London.”

“Is that safe?” Lavender had to say.

“Absolutely! You have my instructor’s guarantee.” Harry smiled. “But before we get there, we’ve got a lot of work to get you ready. Can’t have you sticking out too much.” He paused. “Hermione, would you and Susan mind helping Hannah make up our latest assignment? Five points for Gryffindor and Hufflepuff each if you can handle that.”

Hermione and Susan took Hannah to the changing room to fix her outfit into proper clothes. When they emerged a few minutes later, now with Hannah properly dressed, Harry was just getting to the explanation of how they were going to spend class.

“First and foremost, we need to make sure everyone can stay safe,” Harry said. “You might be able to handle most of the dangers of the Muggle world with magic in a pinch… but that should be a last resort, especially since you all are underage, and using your wands will activate the Trace. So we’re going to be starting with the most important lesson: road safety.”

The door opened, much to the confusion of the class who were already all present. That confusion grew when they saw the Weasley twins enter the room. The twins showed no expression, and were dressed even more strangely than the students in the class— they had bulky cushioned shoulder pads, pillows designed to look like wheels on their legs, and necklaces that would’ve made Luna Lovegood balk at their gaudy style with the two big reflective disks hanging off.

“Everyone up, please,” Harry said.

As soon as his students stood up he waved his wand, sending them skidding apart and forming a large aisle down the middle of the room. Harry sent his students to stand on the left side of the room while the Weasley twins went and stood at one end of the aisle.

“Ready, sir!” the twins reported at the same time.

“Lovely.” Harry picked up a moderately tall metal pole that had so far gone unnoticed resting on its side against the wall. He carried it to where his students were waiting and set it down. The pole had a single button on it under an illustration of a stick figure walking.

“Muggles can’t Apparate,” Harry said. “They don’t have Portkeys or Floo either. To get from one place to another, they’ve got a handful of choices. Some of them you’re familiar with, like trains. Others, you might’ve only heard of, or they could be completely new to you. Does anyone know what I might be getting at?”

Hermione raised her hand. “Cars?”

“Exactly. They’re probably the most common type of Muggle transportation. Basically big metal boxes on four wheels. If you’re struggling to picture one, think back to the movie. They were using cars to travel around the island.”

“Those were real?” Parvati said, one of the more sheltered purebloods in the class. “I thought that was one of the fictional parts!”

“Cars are real,” Ron said. “They can even fly.”

“Fortunately, that’s only true of your dad’s car,” Harry said. “Muggle cars stay on the ground. They still get going fast, though. If you wander in front of one without seeing it coming, it’ll mean trouble. So Muggle cities have specific places for crossing the roads cars drive on. They’re called crosswalks.”

The class looked down, noticing that white lines had been painted on the floor in a ladder-like pattern.

“Today, we’re going to be going from one side to the other,” Harry said, leaning on the post he’d set down. “Safely.”

He called on Hermione first, rightly guessing that she understood the situation. She stepped up, pressed the button on the pole, and crossed the street while a beeping noise sounded. She walked across to the other side, giving the oddly-dressed twins a confused look as she passed them.

“Excellent!” Harry said. “As soon as you cross, you’re free to kill time however you want until the others join you.”

Excited by the offer of free time, Terry Boot rushed to join Hermione— forgetting to press the button in his haste.

“Honk!”

The Weasley twins rushed forward, slamming into him at a full sprint and bowling him to the ground. Terry lay on his back staring at the ceiling, shell-shocked at having been run over by two Beaters. Harry levitated him and summoned him back to the group. Everyone seemed stunned.

“Remember everybody,” Harry said. “Look both ways and always press the button.”

The method might’ve seemed a little harsh, but the result would be much worse if they did that in a real street. Harry needed them to have a sense of apprehension about roads, even if it took a few bruises to instill the lesson. Hannah Abbott carefully pressed the button and tentatively stepped out, walking over to join Hermione.

Things went smoothly from there until it was Ron’s turn. Nobody forgot to press the button like Terry had, after watching his fate. Ron pressed it like everyone else, stepping out with Blaise Zabini following a couple steps behind him. The twins ran at them.

Ron was knocked to the ground by George, but Fred got too close to Blaise. When Blaise saw him incoming, he somehow managed to grab Fred’s arm and flip him over his hip. Fred flew and hit the ground.

“Judo, professor,” Blaise said, answering Harry’s baffled look. “My mother insisted that I learn.”

He sounded like the fact annoyed him. “I'm not exactly going to take points off, but the correct choice would have been to dodge,” Harry said.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I pressed the button!” Ron said. “You hit me just because you wanted to!”

“We were teaching a lesson,” George said while Fred picked himself up, rubbing his own back. “Professor Potter told us to do it.”

“I did tell them to go once when the button was pressed,” Harry said. “I didn’t tell them to target you… but I suppose I should’ve expected it. Siblings aside, it’s an important lesson. Drivers are people too. The same way you can Splinch yourself when Apparating, cars can and do make mistakes. Never let your guard down just because you’re at a crosswalk.”

“And never let your guard down just because you’re a car,” Fred said, wincing. “That one bloody stung.”

O-O-O

Because the road safety lesson was on the shorter side, Harry brought out a second activity for the latter half of class.

“The Statue of Secrecy is serious business,” Harry said. “After attending my class, you’ve all probably started to realize how different the Muggle world can be. At some point, a Muggle will speak to you while we’re out there, so it’s important to minimize slips of the tongue. Two of you will be called in front of the class and have a conversation based on a prompt. The rest of the class will act like an audience to apply a sense of pressure. The Weasley twins will also be helping.”

“Booo! Boooo!” Fred shouted, making a big thumbs down.

“Get off the stage!” George yelled.

“Don’t you two have your own classes?” Ron asked.

“Hall pass,” George said.

“This counts as doing detention with Professor Potter,” Fred explained. “He’s the best.”

The first two up were Neville and Susan. They looked nervous to begin with, which only got worse when Fred said, “Just kiss already!”

The conversation began with Susan playing the role of student, and Neville acting as a Muggle.

“Do you have any hobbies?” Neville asked.

“Herb— Gardening,” Susan said.

“Oh. Nice. What’s your favorite plant?”

“Osmanthus— I mean, poppies?”

“I like poppies too,” Neville said. “They’re pretty. They kind of look like your hair.”

He realized what he’d said a moment after Susan, whose eyes had widened. They both blushed. As soon as George shouted, “I knew they should be kissing!” Harry could tell they weren’t going to get any more conversation out of this pair.

“Alright, Susan. Not bad… but you don’t need to second guess yourself so much,” Harry said. “Muggles don’t use the word as often, but they still know what herbology is. Correcting yourself is going to attract more attention than sticking to a strange phrase. It’s the same with Osmanthus— Muggles have that plant as well. I think all you need is a bit of confidence.”

“To start kissing!” Fred said, finishing Harry’s sentence without being asked. When Harry glared at him, he looked a little bashful. “Sorry, professor.”

“Limit the heckling to during the conversations, not between them,” Harry said. “Next!”

Fay Dunbar went with Michael Corner, and Ron talked to Ernie Macmillan. Fay and Michael did quite well, Fay remembering the phrase ‘public transit’ to explain how she was getting around the city. It was impossible to tell how Ron and Ernie did. The twins got under his skin within thirty seconds and had Ron shouting at them.

“Next, let’s do… Hermione and Blaise, why don’t the two of you try?”

Hermione gave the Slytherin a curious look as they approached Harry. The two of them awaited their assigned roles.

“Hermione will play the role of Muggle,” Harry said. “It would be too simple for her to do this kind of exercise, since she’s used to the same thing in her personal life. It’ll be the same for Justin.”

Hermione smiled at the praise, even though Harry meant it mostly as an observation. “What kind of questions should I ask?”

He’d given the other students something to focus their conversation on, like hobbies for Neville and commuting for Michael. This time, he said, “Come up with whatever you like.”

Hermione didn’t need training wheels for an activity like this. When she turned to her partner, the only thing making her nervous was her unfamiliarity with Blaise.

“You look around my age,” Hermione said. “Do you go to school in the area?”

“Boarding school,” Blaise said. “It’s quite far. A day’s trip from London by train.”

“Why travel all that way? There are plenty of good schools closer.”

“My mother went there, and her parents before her. It’s become family tradition.”

“What’s it called? Perhaps I’ve heard of it.”

“Hogwarts,” Blaise said. Other students made noise, thinking he made a mistake, but Blaise was still speaking without missing a beat. “It’s not very famous. If not for our history with the institution I’d have gone overseas already.”

“Is your family wealthy?”

“We’ve got more money than we know what to do with.” Blaise smirked, bending toward her slightly. “Just don’t ask where we got it. Then I’d have to kill you.”

Hermione flinched. But there was a delay to it, like she had to consciously remind herself to back up.

“Alright. That’s good enough.” Harry clapped his hands, calling an end to the conversation. It had already been longer than any of the others, not to mention Hermione had pressed Blaise more competently than the other examiners. “Excellent work, Blaise. I’d say it was flawless, but maybe don’t threaten the Muggles talking to you.”

“Threaten?” Blaise said. “I’ll have you know that was flirting.”

“Flirting?!” Hermione said.

“In the hypothetical scenario, of course,” Blaise said. “No need for such a reaction.”

“But Professor, he mentioned Hogwarts didn’t he?” asked Ernie. “Wasn’t that a mistake?”

“It’s like what I told Susan,” Harry said. “There’s not need to lie if you don’t have to. For all a Muggle knows, Hogwarts could be a real school somewhere. Instead of hesitating and drawing suspicion, Blaise just answered the questions as well as he could.”

“It was a pleasure working with you,” Blaise said to Hermione as Harry called up the next two.

“The scenario is finished now,” Hermione said. “You don’t have to keep that up anymore.”

Blaise smiled.

By the end of class, even pureblood students were fielding questions without stumbling over their words. Harry talked them through any mistakes they made, eliminating slips of the tongue one at a time. When Harry sent the class on their way, including Fred and George (who each offered a salute before scampering back to their private mischief) he was starting to feel confident in their abilities. Plus, there was plenty of time to get them in better shape.

O-O-O

“—in conclusion, it gives me the greatest pleasure to announce that the Minister has appointed me, Dolores Umbridge, as the High Inquisitor of Hogwarts’ School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I’m certain that the faculty will be nothing but accommodating, seeing the incalculable value in an educated second opinion on their — often misguided — best efforts at pedagogy.”

Umbridge lowered her copy of Educational Degree Twenty-Five, smiling at the Great Hall. As she waddled down the staff table, she stopped directly behind Harry’s seat.

“It should go without saying that any subversive lessons, particularly those that might drive students to forget how to act, will be rooted out with incredible efficiency,” Umbridge said, speaking just to the staff. “I hope that you’re all looking forward to it.”

Harry tapped his fork against his plate while Umbridge took her seat. 

Prepping his kids for that field trip was going to be slightly harder than he thought.